I'm in a women's refuge. AMA.

[Toomuchwine89]

Just that, really. Fire away :)

Just sending hugs xx

Thank you xx

You did it! The first and hardest step towards a better life for you and your children.

Well done! I hope this is the beginning of a new, better life for you . What was the 'straw that broke the camel's back' and persuaded you to leave?

Well done for leaving. I can only imagine the bravery that took.

Is it warm? What an amazing change this will be. I hope it’s everything you need.

Massive hugs OP, so brave of you to take the leap to a new and better life for you and your children. Can I ask what you will do in the future? Is there a property to sell or will you wait to be housed? xx

Does it house a lot of people?
Is there a community feel or do people keep to themselves?

Well done. All the best for the future.

Well done - so pleased for you

Is your room comfortable, are you in one with your children?
What's the next step?

Hope you’re doing okay. I used to work in one and we tried really, really hard to make our rooms look pretty and not institutional with luxury (donated) gifts and toiletries. But I have heard that’s not a universal experience.

(Ps message for anyone in this situation —- if it involves living with other people and they are getting you down please talk to the staff! And remember it’s temporary. Don’t go back to your abuser because they didn’t do the washing up or were rude. We can help! You can do this.)

I was too 13 years ago 2 children 2 and 5.So difficult at the time but was the best thing I ever did. Rehoused after 7 months there and rebuilt my life. I would of been killed by my violent ex husband if not for my refuge. Take any help and advice they offer is my tip and look forward, never go back. Much love xxx

Thank you!

Out of seemingly nowhere he ran upstairs and screamed in my 11 year old's face to shut the fuck up, that she's a fucking bitch etc. Then when I confronted him about it later, he blamed it all on her

If anything it's too warm 😂 I need to turn the radiators down ASAP

Thank you.

I'm in my own flat with two bedrooms, a kitchen, living room and bathroom. It's nothing like I imagined. Fairly modern and very cosy. I've let my teenage son have one bedroom and my daughters and I share the other (it's huge). Feeling very lucky.

There is a property to sell but I have no idea what is going to happen with that. We are married but I'm not on the mortgage. Right now I'm constantly on Rightmove looking for somewhere to rent xx

Good luck for your and your children's future!

Well done OP. I’m so glad that you and your DC are safe. How long had you been thinking about leaving? Was your DH always abusive or did it emerge over time? (I know often the hallmarks are there but it’s hard to recognise).

It sounds perfect for now; better to come

It does not matter that you are not on the mortgage. You are married and have 3 children - you will get a share. Do you have a solicitor? (Is that something the refuge can help with)

Well done OP. How are your children? Have they moved schools?

This is going to sound strange, but what would your children want for Christmas?
I’m donating to a Secret Santa appeal where we get given an age and sex of a child and we buy a present. I believe a lot of the children are in women’s refuges.
Ideas, especially for your teenage son, would be appreciated.
There’s no set budget but most people seem to have spent £5-15.

Nothing to ask, I just wanted to say how proud I am, of you, a complete stranger, for doing right by yourself and your children. I hope you stay strong, much better days are ahead and you have just shown your children something that will help them with their own relationships going forward. I'm so sorry it had come to this for you but also very pleased you have got out.

You sound like a great mother, well done for getting out. I'm so pleased to hear you have a warm flat to yourselves.

How are you feeling?

Just wanted to say this thread inspired me to donate to Refuge. Best of luck to you and your children OP.

Still here if anyone has any more questions 😩