I’m a 50 yo woman with grey hair, an expanding waist, a sore vagina and a love of Ozark. AMA

[Hucklead]

I’m sure that you want to know many, many things about me!

Menopause is better if you meet her head on and ROAR and refuse to roll over and wither.

👍

Love this thread.....making me chuckle. Just wanted to say good luck with the estriol. It was a total life saver for my fanjo! I'm 12 years older than you and I'm ....ahem....back in the saddle again! 😁😁

OMG, so there’s light at the end of the tunnel?!

OP I think I love you. Following this thread to pass on these gems to my DS who has just started dating and is worried about running out of things to ask

HUCKLEAD ....there certainly is light at the end of the tunnel. It might take a bit of persistence but you certainly don't come across as a quitter.😁 I was saying to my friend that the estriol "plumped' everything up again...she said be careful ...you're fanny will end up looking 20 years younger than your face. 😁

I have absolutely no idea how any of this is going to help your DS’ love life!

Definitely not a quitter! 💪🏻
if it’s that good, I’m going to put my knickers on my head and walk around on my hands 😁

Dead fanjo, I hear you!

Local oestrogen up your chuff is marvellous.

I'm considering grinding my Vagifem pessaries into a paste and spreading it over my saggy face.

I’m almost at the maintenance dose but what I really want to do is use it every day and bath in it too.

Oh @Hucklead I am sorry to hear about your mum

My mum died a few months ago, and I had a dream similar to yours. And I said to my mum "I know this is just a dream but I don't care because it feels real and I can SEE you and give you a hug" then I woke up and felt happy all day

I am also 50, my question to you is: would you rather wake up tomorrow and be 20 again, or wake up at 55?

Can't use estrogil or HRT or anything due to BC in the past; so shut up shop now 😢

Aren’t we lucky to have had those dreams? So very unexpected and special.

As to your question- there is no way I want to be 20 again! I’d definitely go back to 30 as I’ve had the time of my life since then. But that wasn’t an option, so I’ll do 55. I’m retiring then and travelling the world!

No, no, no! No tears and sad face. Get yourself to the GP. Estriol cream is NOT a form of HRT, which I can’t have either due to that pesky breast cancer. It has the same amount of oestrogen in a year as one tablet of HRT. That’s not true by the way; I’m not medically trained.I may have made that up. But it’s something like that.

@Hucklead who would be your perfect dinner party guests? Dead/alive/fictional

ps you sound mint!!

I am PROPER mint!
I'm going to answer your dinner party question with a game that you can all play along with. You have to choose the person, the day, the reason and the food.
Are you sitting comfortably? And I’ll begin.

Monday: leftovers from Sunday, probably a bubble and squeak type dish. Kevin McCloud. I’m always tired on a Monday, so an early tea with a chat about houses (I’m renovating)!

Tuesday: curry and naans. Jason Bateman. Ozark chat. ‘What was your favourite scene and why? Is Wendy a bitch? Is it easy to direct others or yourself?’

Wednesday: Beans on toast on a tray. Patrick Grant. I’ll watch him watching himself on Sewing Bee and then he’ll teach me how to adjust a waistband.

Thursday: jacket spuds. Might have cheese and coleslaw. Might do a chilli. Might even have some Tuesday curry left over. Rosa Parks. ‘I know you were knackered, love. We’ve all been there. Did you think it would all end where it did, and did you ever think “what the fuck have I started? I’m knackered.”?’

Friday: take away with Rylan. He’s paying. Just a ‘simmer down, mate, don’t be so hyper. What are you really looking for?’ and he’ll cry, I’ll cry and we’ll probably nip to the local for ONE DRINK and we all know how that will end.

Saturday: finally get rid of Rylan mid-afternoon and then I’ll need an early tea, 4pm fry up. The Queen. I’ll even do her a bit of fried bread. And I’ll just do one word questions which she will answer with total honesty.
‘Harry?’
’Camilla?’
’ANDREW?!’

Sunday: obviously a roast dinner. I don’t mind cooking again. David Attenborough. ‘I’m not fussed about saving the planet, Dave; not today. But talk to me about the Galapagos!’

Fuck me, that was a long one. Anyone read it? Anyone going to play it? Causes great arguments with a partner!

Omg this is hilarious!

My question - where do I get this miraculous fanjo cream you speak of? I'm on HRT but still suffering with the nether regions. If it plumps it up I'm in! Not sure I can wait 6 months to see my GP though

You just KNOW that The Queen would LOVE a slice of fried bread with a dippy egg.

This is how you get it.
You spend a year talking to the male GP who despite being older than you doesn’t understand this thing called the Menopause. He will tell you it’s a UTI. He will tell it’s life. He will say that aching joints, fatigue, brain fog and a thickening waistline are NOT symptoms of the Menopause. But he will kindly offer you an anti-depressant.

When a year has passed and you are so fed up of being sore all the fucking time, not being able to wear jeans or have sex, you will go again but this time something magical will happen.

The male GP will offer you swabs and book you in with a female GP.

She will listen. She will swab you and do an internal examination. (She’ll also tell you you are very flexible and ask if you exercise. You don’t, so you’ll feel proud). She will do a cat’s bum face when she hears you were diagnosed with a UTI but we’re not examined. She’ll tell you the lining of your vagina should be thicker than it is and diagnose atrophy.

She will ask you, with concern on her face, if you can possibly wait a few days for the swab results. You can. You’ve waited a fucking year. But you’re almost tearful to be asked.

A few days later she’ll ring, just when she said she would, to say your swabs are clear but your urine was riddled BUT there is no UTI. It’s your poor insides, peeling and crying. And she’ll ask if you’d like to try Estriol cream as IT’S NOT HRT and you say, ‘I would, I really would. But it’s Maundy Thursday and I’m desperate.’
And she says the magic words….

“It’s ready for you now.”

I think I love your GP.

I told my male GP that I would like to have sex with my husband but no amount of lube made it bearable cos of my dessicated nethers. Possibly the idea of a fellow man not getting his conjugals swung it in my favour

She would. Sunny side up, no question. And she’d kick her shoes off. I’d lend her The Emergency Slips .

@Hucklead thanks.

Might just print that out and take it to the GP. She definitely won't tell me I'm flexible and it's highly likely I'll trump during the procedure

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.