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AMA
Original poster

I am agoraphobic (can't leave the house) AMA

92 replies

alittlefickle · 21/04/2022 08:53

:-)

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:00

Moonface123 · 26/04/2022 16:02

I suffered with awful panic attacks in my 20' s, and my son suffered them also when he was 13,. it really affected him going to school, people don't realise the severity of them unless they have experienced a panic disorder themselves. CBT is not very effective as once a panic attack strikes and it can come on in seconds, your fight and flight response kicks in and it s then impossible to use coping mechanisms, people wrongly think it's easily treatable it's not.
Have you read the book "Dare" OP, ? That technique worked for me, after several years of desperately trying everything to alleviate them, basically the technique is to force the panic attack to get worse, it stops it in its tracks. Absolutely nothing else worked for me.

I have read the book Dare. I've read Claire Weekes, I've read so many books but for me desensitisation never comes.... I have no idea how to tackle it any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:01

Haveatakeaway · 26/04/2022 15:58

Hi Op just sending you all the strength and peace in the world, we sound very similar. I have agoraphobia with panic disorder, GAD and depression. Don't let the guilt get to you, nobody would choose this life Flowers

Thank you for that....
Hope you're okay x

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:02

Haveatakeaway · 26/04/2022 15:58

Hi Op just sending you all the strength and peace in the world, we sound very similar. I have agoraphobia with panic disorder, GAD and depression. Don't let the guilt get to you, nobody would choose this life Flowers

Thank you for that....
Hope you're okay x

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Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:02

GenerallyGreenerGrass · 26/04/2022 15:57

The abuse you have suffered is disgraceful and horrible, I’m so sorry alittlefickle.
I hope that you can one day overcome the agoraphobia and I wish you happiness.

Thank you.

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Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:03

butterpuffed · 26/04/2022 15:43

How did you meet your ex partner from the relationship that ended last year, or did you already know him ?

On a dating site. I made sure he was well aware about everything before we started seeing each other and he said he could handle it - but he couldn't and that's okay :-)

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Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 26/04/2022 17:05

Do you or have you worked and studied from home in that time? & do you have a lot of online interests and/or friendships?

Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:19

Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 26/04/2022 17:05

Do you or have you worked and studied from home in that time? & do you have a lot of online interests and/or friendships?

I looked into OU when my son started school but I couldn't afford it.

In recent years I took up painting. I'm
not very good at it but it was something that (at the time) I felt able to focus on.
I've learn a lot about spirituality. Reading many many books - that is something that I love. I also love gardening.

After my sons suicide attempt I stopped doing anything I liked. Painting/reading stopped completely. I'm slowly getting back into it.

I have real life friends who come and see me... or I talk to pretty much daily. I avoid online because if I learnt anything from my last relationship is that people will say anything ... I simply can't allow myself to trust anyone online again.

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 17:19

Foodbanksshouldbeobsolete · 26/04/2022 17:05

Do you or have you worked and studied from home in that time? & do you have a lot of online interests and/or friendships?

I looked into OU when my son started school but I couldn't afford it.

In recent years I took up painting. I'm
not very good at it but it was something that (at the time) I felt able to focus on.
I've learn a lot about spirituality. Reading many many books - that is something that I love. I also love gardening.

After my sons suicide attempt I stopped doing anything I liked. Painting/reading stopped completely. I'm slowly getting back into it.

I have real life friends who come and see me... or I talk to pretty much daily. I avoid online because if I learnt anything from my last relationship is that people will say anything ... I simply can't allow myself to trust anyone online again.

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 26/04/2022 18:27

I don’t know if this is helpful because you have tried so many things. I had really quite bad agoraphobia and panic disorder and I am ok now - I was treated at the Capio Nightingale in London. It’s very intense but worth it. You can PM me if you want, just as you’re putting yourself out there with this really honest chat I thought I would too. Take care

DesidaCrick · 26/04/2022 22:57

That sounds so hard. Thank you for answering my question 💐

Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 23:20

DesidaCrick · 26/04/2022 22:57

That sounds so hard. Thank you for answering my question 💐

No worries x

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Original poster
alittlefickle · 26/04/2022 23:22

LapinR0se · 26/04/2022 18:27

I don’t know if this is helpful because you have tried so many things. I had really quite bad agoraphobia and panic disorder and I am ok now - I was treated at the Capio Nightingale in London. It’s very intense but worth it. You can PM me if you want, just as you’re putting yourself out there with this really honest chat I thought I would too. Take care

Thank you... even the thought of London is terrifying.. can't imagine how I'd ever get there. Things like hospitals/large building where I can't see exits are massive triggers for me... X

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FollowYourFearlessHeart · 26/04/2022 23:38

I'm sorry you've experienced such trauma @alittlefickle. Sending a hand hold from a fellow agoraphobic. Mine has ebbed and flowed over the years and I haven't ever been as severe as you but I understand what you are saying and how difficult it is to deal with. I've spent thousands of hours and pounds on (failed) therapies. I have to be in the right headspace to even consider trying and the crushing defeat I feel when it doesn't work out breaks me every single time and takes months to recover from. No one would choose this life. I wish you well Flowers

Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 04:32

FollowYourFearlessHeart · 26/04/2022 23:38

I'm sorry you've experienced such trauma @alittlefickle. Sending a hand hold from a fellow agoraphobic. Mine has ebbed and flowed over the years and I haven't ever been as severe as you but I understand what you are saying and how difficult it is to deal with. I've spent thousands of hours and pounds on (failed) therapies. I have to be in the right headspace to even consider trying and the crushing defeat I feel when it doesn't work out breaks me every single time and takes months to recover from. No one would choose this life. I wish you well Flowers

Thank you!!

I completely agree. It is the feeling of utter failure when it doesn't work.

Today I've sat here and contemplated suicide again.... I'm just SO exhausted from constant battle of trying to maintain the smallest piece of normalcy in my life.

My son works 15 hour shifts so I have a lot of time alone to think about things.
I would love to wake up and not have a panic attack or feel like I'm teetering on the edge.

I've read stories of sufferers who just can't take being this way anymore and just go out and they can do it - I've lost count the amount of times I've felt like that and I get to the bottom of my road and feel faint (fainting is sadly what happens when I panic, apparently according to my therapist it's me having a dissociative episode.)...

Anyway.. sorry to ramble.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 27/04/2022 05:20

How is your son doing now? Is he in therapy?

BornBlonde · 27/04/2022 05:28

Sending you good wishes and your son Flowers

FairyLightPups · 27/04/2022 05:40

Ah OP I completely understand. My agoraphobia was awful as a teen. Lockdown triggered it again and then in June 2021 I had a major accident and have only left my house once to go to the hospital thanks to the severity of the injury. When my leg is better I'm very worried about what I'll be able to take from the outside world. So I understand 100%, it's so difficult. Sending you hugs and Flowers that one day it gets easier for you xx

LollyLol · 27/04/2022 05:47

I'm sorry for your conditions and history. What would happen if you need inpatient hospital treatment for some reason?

I'm also incredibly sorry for your son.

Feckingfeck · 27/04/2022 05:58

Hi OP

Sorry this has been your life.

Do you get bored? What do you do all day? Do you have any sort of routine?

Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 07:08

Josette77 · 27/04/2022 05:20

How is your son doing now? Is he in therapy?

He's doing okay thanks.
It's a year on May 10th. He's got a good job and he's out of the abusive relationship he was in....
Thank you for asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 07:08

BornBlonde · 27/04/2022 05:28

Sending you good wishes and your son Flowers

Many thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 07:10

FairyLightPups · 27/04/2022 05:40

Ah OP I completely understand. My agoraphobia was awful as a teen. Lockdown triggered it again and then in June 2021 I had a major accident and have only left my house once to go to the hospital thanks to the severity of the injury. When my leg is better I'm very worried about what I'll be able to take from the outside world. So I understand 100%, it's so difficult. Sending you hugs and Flowers that one day it gets easier for you xx

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I do hope it improves for you.

Sending love x

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 07:17

LollyLol · 27/04/2022 05:47

I'm sorry for your conditions and history. What would happen if you need inpatient hospital treatment for some reason?

I'm also incredibly sorry for your son.

Thanks for your question.

I had 3 operations from 2013-2017. Luckily all were day surgery, but believe me when I say I practically had to be held down to stay on LEVEL 3 in the hospital... also, when I had my last op, I was so bad with panic attacks that as I got to the anaesthesia room I BEGGED the anaesthetist to knock me out as quickly as he could otherwise I was going to run!

I needed an iron infusion back in 2018 and as they hooked me up to the IV I had possibly the most spectacular panic attack in front of all the other patients. I was begging them to remove the IV... In the end I had to be moved to A&E to receive the rest of the infusion so I could see the exit! It was a horrible horrible experience.

I don't want to think about inpatient treatment! Scares me too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
alittlefickle · 27/04/2022 07:21

Feckingfeck · 27/04/2022 05:58

Hi OP

Sorry this has been your life.

Do you get bored? What do you do all day? Do you have any sort of routine?

Yes and no.

Luckily, I love to clean my house. If I'm having a bored day there's always cleaning to do, or sorting, or some kind of organisation. Other than that I read, meditate, watch lectures online from spiritual teachers, do online jigsaws, (attempt to) paint, make cakes, gardening (all through the summer)... I also spend time helping my mum do chores, she'll come and get me and I'll clean for her/do ironing/odd jobs ...

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 27/04/2022 07:31

Yes same here. Pretty much everyone there is in the same boat so you don’t have to pretend that you’re ok