I am agoraphobic (can't leave the house) AMA

[alittlefickle]

:-)

It sounds really difficult, OP. Wishing you well. x

@LapinR0se

Absolutely. More than anything. Every day that goes past the chances seem slimmer.

I've been A LOT worse than where I am now and I've been better ... Recovery isn't ever linear and I know that. I've been struggling badly for several years. I had to move out of my house and live with my mum because I wasn't only terrified of going out, I couldn't be alone for a single minute (that's not a lie). Luckily I managed to overcome the monophobia (fear of being alone) and I've been back home for 2.5 years.

Unfortunately last year not only did my 4 year relationship end, 4 weeks prior to that my son attempted suicide, so naturally my mental health suffered pretty badly. It's been on a downward spiral since then.

Did something trigger your Agraphobia?

@FetchezLaVache

There was a moment.
I was about 24 weeks pregnant and I was at work and I passed out. I came round and I could hear but I couldn't see. I passed out again, came round and I could see but not hear. I was taken to hospital and it was a pregnancy complication that caused that.

From that moment I was scared to drive in case it happened again. So for the rest of my pregnancy I stopped.

After I had my son, convinced everything was okay, I got back into my car with him to take him for an anti natal check up and experienced the most horrendous (what I now know as) panic attack. I did a 180 in the car, on a bend to get home as quickly as I could because I was sure I was going to pass out/die.... From that day, I didn't drive again. I was so freaked out that I drove in a way that put my newborn in danger, other drivers in danger and myself ... Gradually fear overtook my mind and my world began getting smaller and smaller to where I was afraid to go upstairs in my house. I spent 2 years not being able to go upstairs alone, having to call my then partner home from work if I needed the loo.

Would I press a button? Without hesitation.

@Hugasauras

As a mother I did everything I needed to do, just not go out. Luckily his dad was amazing... he took him out.

How did it affect him?
Hmm.. he didn't know any different. We've spoken about it since (he's 23) and he says (and I quote) 'Considering all the shit you've been through, I couldn't have asked for a better mum'.

@Benedictcucumber

I was so lucky that school was literally 30 seconds away, I could just about manage that, panicking the whole time though. I made arrangements with them to bring him out to the front for me so I didn't have to wait around.

When I couldn't, I would get his dad to get him or my mum would come with me.

@Tashface

I live on a very small estate. I can walk very short distances around, probably no further than a minute from my property - so when I walk the puppies they I literally around the same green for 10/15 minutes, 3 times a day.

I've not been off the estate alone since 1999, as long as my house is in sight, I'm okay.

Oh. Didn't realise I could do that. Sorry.

Thank you.

It sounds so hard for you I have an aunt and a cousin who have both suffered from agoraphobia, my aunt for many years, my cousin for about three or four years. The rate at which my cousin's friends fell away was shocking and sad to see.

Have you been assessed for/diagnosed with other health issues which run alongside the agoraphobia or which make recovery more difficult? Sorry if this is too nosey! I'm not going to ask for details!

I'm sorry you suffer from this condition. It sounds awful. I'm a bit surprised that you'd inflict such a limited life on dogs though. How do you ensure they get varied walks etc.?

Sorry to read about your family members, it's so hard for those who don't suffer to understand why we can't just go out ... if it were that easy, we'd do it.

My diagnosis are:- GAD, severe panic disorder with agoraphobia, PTSD, depression, monophobia and BPD.

@RishiRich

When I got my dog I was in a relationship so she got her walks perfectly and as I mentioned I've been better than I am now so walking her myself hasn't always been an issue...

However, She's now almost 15 and can't walk.

My son has a dog that he walks himself and if he's working I walk her out to go to the toilet, but he's her main walker.

Please don't be under the impression that just because I can't go out that my dogs haven't had an amazing and loved life :-)

Im so sorry, it sounds like an agonising condition. Are there any medications available that dull down senses/relax you?

Did something else happen? (You mention your son said about all the shit you went through?)

@alittlefickle Thanks for your answer.
I really hope things get better for you in the future.

I have diazepam but I'm only given 12 a month as they're very addictive... 12 a month isn't a lot when you're on high alert daily.
Erm.. lots happened.

I was bullied pretty badly for being fat abs ugly, beaten, spat at, cigarettes put out on me, name calling (from that I developed an eating disorder and body dysmorphia).

I found my grandmother dead when I was alone with her.

I was physically abused by my step father from the age of 4-16.

I was in a very abusive marriage. He beat me and was mentally and emotionally abusive.

Other things too, nothing good.

Thank you :)

My 16 year old daughter developed agoraphobia last year when she was 15. With exposure and Sertraline she can now go to her friends houses and can go outside. She was able to go into a shop a couple of weeks ago.

Do you think you may have conquered it if the right support had been in place for you from family ?

I very rarely go out unless I have to. I don’t like driving, but I’m ok if it’s local. My food shopping is online. I’m retired. Lockdown made no difference to me.

I absolutely understand only feeling relaxed when you are in your safe space.

How did you meet your ex partner from the relationship that ended last year, or did you already know him ?

You’ve done amazing to survive all you have, I really wish all the best for you.

The abuse you have suffered is disgraceful and horrible, I’m so sorry alittlefickle.
I hope that you can one day overcome the agoraphobia and I wish you happiness.

Hi Op just sending you all the strength and peace in the world, we sound very similar. I have agoraphobia with panic disorder, GAD and depression. Don't let the guilt get to you, nobody would choose this life

I suffered with awful panic attacks in my 20' s, and my son suffered them also when he was 13,. it really affected him going to school, people don't realise the severity of them unless they have experienced a panic disorder themselves. CBT is not very effective as once a panic attack strikes and it can come on in seconds, your fight and flight response kicks in and it s then impossible to use coping mechanisms, people wrongly think it's easily treatable it's not.
Have you read the book "Dare" OP, ? That technique worked for me, after several years of desperately trying everything to alleviate them, basically the technique is to force the panic attack to get worse, it stops it in its tracks. Absolutely nothing else worked for me.

Back when I first good sick in 1998 it took a good 2 years to actually get a diagnosis. I believe if it had all happened a lot sooner, things may have been different.