Traded hot pants for hijab, i converted to Islam AMA

[user14943608381]

I’m going to be occupied with a cluster feeding newborn so thought an Ama would be fun. So, I used to drink, go clubbing, love mini skirts and dating but I gave it all up and became Muslim. For a little while I even wore the face veil.

Ask me anything!

I’m pretty clued up in theology and the sharia for feel free to ask me anything on that too! (Disclaimer though some opinions are my own and not the ‘majority consensus’)

@gildalily

Have you felt a change in the way that people (the public, rather than your friends) treat you?

If I’m dressed islamically yes. I’m a person that doesn’t like to be the centre of attention and I’ve found a lot of people stare, probably trying to work out my ethnicity, but it makes me v v uncomfortable. Not just non Muslims, although the majority of non Muslims if you catch them in a stare will smile but I’ve found older ‘Aunty’ types are awful for staring too. Before kids, I found I had a lot of unwanted attention from men when I went out and I’d get approached by mums who were looking for someone for their son. Mums would often lead with that they’ve not been able to find anyone in their community, super flattering that they consider you the 1000000th choice after exhausting their network and entire community 🙄

Just wondering about what you thought when you were looking at different religions years ago. Unitarian Christianity appealed to you because of problems with the Trinity; I am interested to know more about why you decided against Unitarianism. Thanks.

Another really interesting AMA. Thanks, OP, for taking the time to answer everyone's questions so thoughtfully. Wishing you well.

The whole thing about not praying when menstruating being about looking after women who are enduring the hardship of having a period is ingenuine. The Quran explicitly teaches that menstruating women are "unclean" and men shouldn't go near them.

And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a harm (painful situation); therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean; then when they have cleansed themselves, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves

Read the whole thread and found it really interesting.
I do think OP that you have experienced a very liberal and somewhat diluted version of Islam - a husband who wouldn't mind if you went out and "got shitfaced", can wear what you like etc.
I think other Muslims, specifically born, are struggling to reconcile this with the Islam that they have known and experienced - homosexuality being a sin, the headscarf being mandatory.
I don't think either are right or wrong, just an observation from reading the thread.

I should add I do think homosexuality being a sin is wrong obviously but I'm not saying that they haven't been taught that and are making it up, it's clearly a widespread belief.

@Wauden

Just wondering about what you thought when you were looking at different religions years ago. Unitarian Christianity appealed to you because of problems with the Trinity; I am interested to know more about why you decided against Unitarianism. Thanks.

I do like Unitarianism, specifically the emphasis on interfaith dialogue.

But I guess I liked and thus believed in Islam more :)

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

The whole thing about not praying when menstruating being about looking after women who are enduring the hardship of having a period is ingenuine. The Quran explicitly teaches that menstruating women are "unclean" and men shouldn't go near them.

And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a harm (painful situation); therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean; then when they have cleansed themselves, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves

This is talking about sex not prayer and I’d ask harm for who? A lot go women, myself included don’t wish to be pestered for sex

^ ah hit send too soon, meant to say pestered for sex during their period

@SummerBluez

Read the whole thread and found it really interesting. I do think OP that you have experienced a very liberal and somewhat diluted version of Islam - a husband who wouldn't mind if you went out and "got shitfaced", can wear what you like etc. I think other Muslims, specifically born, are struggling to reconcile this with the Islam that they have known and experienced - homosexuality being a sin, the headscarf being mandatory. I don't think either are right or wrong, just an observation from reading the thread.

There is a huge different between believe in and experienced. I wouldn’t say I’ve experienced a liberal Islam, the mosques I’ve attended are v v conservative, as I’ve said upthread those tend to be the ones that welcome converts, and the majority opinion is the majority opinion after all.

It’s also important to recognise that a lot of Muslim youth (my opinion mostly blokes) do go out drinking and get shitfaced. I can’t recall if I said DH wouldn’t care if he went out drinking, if it did it was sloppy, I’m sure he would care and wouldn’t be dancing on the moon happy but more like there wouldn’t be ‘consequences’ (awful turn of phrase). He’s a very laid back guy. A lot of born Muslims are. Most of his family wear the headscarf but some don’t, ive never asked him if he thought it was mandatory, my guess is he’s never really thought about it. Like attracts like, whilst I don’t want to go out drinking and clubbing, I couldn’t marry a guy who laid down ‘rules’ for me, would feel custodian.

Re what things are sinful or not, i don’t feel comfortable saying so and so isn’t a sin, because truthfully I don’t know. I know what the majority opinion is but I don’t feel comfortable judging other people when they aren’t hurting someone

This is talking about sex not prayer and I’d ask harm for who? A lot go women, myself included don’t wish to be pestered for sex

So your interpretation is that the "unclean women" only refers to when they can have sex, not prayer? (I reckon there are a lot of women who never want to be pestered for sex, period or not. We just want to have healthy, fulfilling sex).

@SummerBluez, I think you make a good point. OP's interpretation and experience of Islam is as culturally influenced as a woman in Afghanistan or Arab state. Just in a different way.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

The whole thing about not praying when menstruating being about looking after women who are enduring the hardship of having a period is ingenuine. The Quran explicitly teaches that menstruating women are "unclean" and men shouldn't go near them.

And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a harm (painful situation); therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean; then when they have cleansed themselves, go in to them as Allah has commanded you; surely Allah loves those who turn much (to Him), and He loves those who purify themselves

I disagree with you on this. This doesn’t mean a woman is “dirty” whilst on her period, just that it’s a messy and painful business, allow her to just get through this time without any added expectations (this extends to prayer and fasting too).

When a woman has performed Ghusl (a type of wash performed after a period, or that men and women do after sexual intercourse) and is considered “clean” (in the same way that men and women are both considered after performing ablution to pray, etc) then by all means you both crack on.

Islam is a very “clean” religion in that sense, there’s a lot of bodily washing required to reach a certain level of cleanliness, for both men and women before you can carry out certain acts.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice tbh I wouldn’t say it’s British Islamic culture that’s influenced my experience of Islam, I’d say it’s higher education and academia

British Islamic culture that’s influenced my experience of Islam, I’d say it’s higher education and academia

Yes, I was thinking very widely - your upbringing, society, education etc.

@Andariego, yes I understand about all of the cleaning and how careful cleaning would be of use in a "desert religion". I am not convinced that menstruating women being unclean is out of care for women. If a god cared about women it would prioritise issues other than periods (such as not allowing girls to marry middle aged men, say). And if a god was bothered about cleanliness it would have rules about men not being able to pray if they were suffering from diarrhoea, say.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice it's about cleanliness for all, not just women. If a man had constant diarrhoea of course he wouldn't be able to pray, he'd keep breaking his wudhu every time he was unable to control his excrement. A woman menstruates constantly, she also cannot keep her wudhu to be in a state of cleanliness for prayer.

Child marriage is not Islamic. Yes it happens in some cultures around the world but it is not Islamic and is called out by other Muslims, not just accepted.

Wikipedia states most sources say one of Muhammad’s wives was a child and that the marriage was consummated when she was 9 or 10 years old.

Ah yes Wikipedia, that well known reliable source

I'm guessing you're referring to Ayesha? Ayesha's age at the time of marriage has not been found in records, however, her older sister Asma, who was ten years her senior, was recorded as being 29 at the time of Ayesha's marriage to the Messenger of Allah.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

Wikipedia states most sources say one of Muhammad’s wives was a child and that the marriage was consummated when she was 9 or 10 years old.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice please read the thread as the issue of Aisha’s age has already been discussed, but to recap

• there is debate about her age if she was 19 or 9
• even if she was 9, marriage that young (including the Virgin Mary of Christianity) was the norm. It’s only been in the last hundred years or so that western criticism of Islam has Included Aisha’s age. No Christian’s , Jews or pagans of the time (who actively tried to discredit mohammed) ever commented on Aisha’s age. Puberty is how, historically speaking, society decided so and so was ready for marriage. Juliet in Romeo and Juliet nearly 1000 years later was only 12, virgin marry was said to have been 12 also and she had children and was pregnant.
• Muhammad’s first wife was an older woman who he loved dearly until her death, to the extent that Aisha was jealous of her.

-marriage was about state building not necessarily sexual desire

• there’s strong evidence that Aisha deeply loved Muhammad, there’s rulings in the Quran that says all the wives of the prophet could leave him, remarry with no earthly consequences and would be taken care of, she and all the other chose to stay and never remarry after his death.
• Muhammad only had children with Khadija and mariam, casting considerable doubt if he had a sexual relationship with his other wives

Ah yes Wikipedia, that well known reliable source

Serves me right for not looking up their sources but I’ll allow the reader to check I’ve not made this up.

A big question, but what is your experience of communal worship? What is it like?

I understand from your previous replies that you were brought up nominally Christian but didn't practise particularly (my apologies if I've got that wrong) but I would be interested to know how it compares.

... I mean how your experience of communal worship compares.