Traded hot pants for hijab, i converted to Islam AMA

[user14943608381]

I’m going to be occupied with a cluster feeding newborn so thought an Ama would be fun. So, I used to drink, go clubbing, love mini skirts and dating but I gave it all up and became Muslim. For a little while I even wore the face veil.

Ask me anything!

I’m pretty clued up in theology and the sharia for feel free to ask me anything on that too! (Disclaimer though some opinions are my own and not the ‘majority consensus’)

@grey12 yhere are better children's books now.
This one is very good for example
www.amazon.co.uk/Migo-Ali-Prophets-Zanib-Mian/dp/0995540608?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Or learning roots as already mentioned is quite good too.
Have a look on instagram, lots of books and resources being reviewed

@Ubiquery

Is Mohammad considered to have been timeless and flawless or just a normal man with the flaws of his time?

So the opinion seems to be that all prophets (Noah, Jesus, John the Baptist and Muhammad etc) were people of upstanding character. There seems to be some contention around whether they sinned or not. So in terms of major sins (fornication, adultery, murder and idolatry) the consensus is they never did these things, clear cut. So as for minor sins, it would seem that sin is the wrong word to use in the context of prophets as it implies knowledge of knowing something is ‘wrong’ and doing it anyway, however they were human and made mistakes, mistakes that may well fall into the category of a minor sin. God then showed them the error of their ways, they repented and god forgave them.

The prophets are considered infallible in terms of delivering gods message but it is acknowledged that they may have made mistakes outside of this as they are human.

Below is a link to a very conservative Islamic website that expands on this

islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/7208

@grey12

Hi OP!

I am also a convert I had a question for you, you seem to have done more studying than me.

I also have small children and I struggle with how to teach them about islam yours are slightly younger than mine but I was wondering how are you planning on tackling that. (Btw MIL is also a convert so not a lot of help there...) Thanks!

Hi :)

It’s tricky isn’t it.

I was going to start with stories and was hoping to find some really nice books with tales of the prophets. My old neighbour used to write Islamic kids books but I can’t recall the titles now which is annoying.

My in laws are awful in terms of actual knowledge so I wouldn’t go to them either lol.

I was thinking of getting or making a ramadan advent calendar, and then in each little pocket thing putting a chocolate covered date and a quranic ayah (starting from the back of course) to try and learn. I really want to send them to an equivalent of Sunday school but a lot of the madrassas are so intensive, it’s several hours after school every day of the week and I think that can easily put children off. DH went and it didn’t do him any favours at all.

So in terms of major sins (fornication, adultery, murder and idolatry) the consensus is they never did these things, clear cut

I feel uncomfortable drawing attention to this fact, but in terms of Muhammad, how do you square the fact that he is recorded as having sex with a nine year old girl?

You could argue that he was a man of his time, but surely a god would have a longer term picture in mind and choose a more admirable person to deliver his messages?

@Ubiquery

So in terms of major sins (fornication, adultery, murder and idolatry) the consensus is they never did these things, clear cut

I feel uncomfortable drawing attention to this fact, but in terms of Muhammad, how do you square the fact that he is recorded as having sex with a nine year old girl?

You could argue that he was a man of his time, but surely a god would have a longer term picture in mind and choose a more admirable person to deliver his messages?

So there’s a lot of debate around Aisha’s age, if she even was 9 as there is some evidence to say she was 19.

I’ll recap the key points mentioned upthread

1. marriage was more about state and alliance building in this context rather than genuine sexual attraction. Aisha was the daughter of Abu bakr, Muhammad’s best friend
2. Muhammad’s first wife was an older woman, they had a monogamous relationship and by standards of the time, a love marriage. She was the mother of his children and was devastated when she died.
3. prior to her engagement to Muhammad, aisha was engaged to another man. Seems inconsistent with a 9 year old
4. The critique of Aisha’s age is a relatively new thing, no Christians, Jews or pagans of the time or really until the last 100 years ever brought up her age as a bone of contention as it was so common place and they used to actively try to discredit hm
5. the wives of Muhammad were given express permission by god (It says in the Quran) that they can leave him if they want with no consequences and they’d be taken care of, none left
6. no children were ever sired by the second generation of wives (debate around whether Mariam was a concubine or a wife but she had a son with Muhammad who died in infancy). Casts doubt on whether these women had a sexual relationship with him.

@Namechangetimes100

I’m going to be occupied with a cluster feeding newborn so thought an Ama would be fun. So, I used to drink, go clubbing, love mini skirts and dating but I gave it all up and became Muslim. For a little while I even wore the face veil.

Ask me anything!

I’m pretty clued up in theology and the sharia for feel free to ask me anything on that too! (Disclaimer though some opinions are my own and not the ‘majority consensus’)

Would you let your mother in law live with you?

Would you let your mother in law live with you?

Not really a Muslim / Islam specific question more of an Indian subcontinent cultural question. Islamically you owe your in-laws nothing, just basic civility and living in one extended family unit is acknowledged as not being particularly healthy. She wanted me to move into her house and I refused, that caused problems but tbh there were problems with her behaviour before. I stopped
Speaking to her over a year because of it.

both my maternal and paternal grand mothers lived with my parents until their deaths, but it does put a lot of pressure on the couple as they in essence become carers, also additional cost is something to think about. But in theory, yes If she couldn’t live in her house anymore due to poor health, to a point though as sometimes care at home just isn’t the right thing for the person in question.

In practice, I’m not sure, My MIL and I have issues and I don’t really care for her as she’s done some pretty shitty things. We also live about 20 mins away from her, which she thinks is too far and has said to my husband that she’ll never live with us now (not sure if that’s meant to be a punishment in her eyes haha). She’s quite young atm mid 50s yet acts like she’s elderly (to my annoyance as my parents actually are and my dad was elderly and cancer patient yet she still believed she was more needing of help/ support than him 🙄). I could go off on one so I’m going to reign it in there lol.

@Namechangetimes100

Would you let your mother in law live with you?

Not really a Muslim / Islam specific question more of an Indian subcontinent cultural question. Islamically you owe your in-laws nothing, just basic civility and living in one extended family unit is acknowledged as not being particularly healthy. She wanted me to move into her house and I refused, that caused problems but tbh there were problems with her behaviour before. I stopped
Speaking to her over a year because of it.

both my maternal and paternal grand mothers lived with my parents until their deaths, but it does put a lot of pressure on the couple as they in essence become carers, also additional cost is something to think about. But in theory, yes If she couldn’t live in her house anymore due to poor health, to a point though as sometimes care at home just isn’t the right thing for the person in question.

In practice, I’m not sure, My MIL and I have issues and I don’t really care for her as she’s done some pretty shitty things. We also live about 20 mins away from her, which she thinks is too far and has said to my husband that she’ll never live with us now (not sure if that’s meant to be a punishment in her eyes haha). She’s quite young atm mid 50s yet acts like she’s elderly (to my annoyance as my parents actually are and my dad was elderly and cancer patient yet she still believed she was more needing of help/ support than him 🙄). I could go off on one so I’m going to reign it in there lol.

Thanks for your honest answer. I laughed at her thinking it’s a punishment that she won’t live with you 🤣

Question for the muslims here 

I've been considering hijab. I know for some people it's a black and white think, for me is more of a slow gradation of becoming a little more modest. Thing is, I've been considering hijab but don't feel comfortable yet to leave my tshirts. (When I get stressed or anxious clothes feel restrictive.... I cannot wear a turtle neck 😱)

What would you think? What would you suggest? Hijab with tshirt or wait until I feel like commit to it?

@grey12

Question for the muslims here 

I've been considering hijab. I know for some people it's a black and white think, for me is more of a slow gradation of becoming a little more modest. Thing is, I've been considering hijab but don't feel comfortable yet to leave my tshirts. (When I get stressed or anxious clothes feel restrictive.... I cannot wear a turtle neck 😱)

What would you think? What would you suggest? Hijab with tshirt or wait until I feel like commit to it?

I think a slow graduation is the sensible approach, you might get some backlash from some morons, don’t let that deter you though, try to remember ‘dogs bark’.

Personally my thinking is ‘do your best and forget the rest’, maybe just look for t shirts that go to the elbow or pair them with a cardi, i see nothing wrong in that. You don’t have to wear polo necks, technically hijab should cover the neck but the scarf can do that, and as you said it’s a journey and this is where you are right now. That’s admirable and you should be proud.

@turquapple

what would you do if 1 of ur kids didn't want to follow Islam or was gay or a christian

If they didn’t want to follow ie be practicing at a given moment, I’d offer an ear if they were struggling with their faith and remember that we all go through ups and downs and peaks and troughs in life and in faith.

If they wanted to convert away from Islam and be another religion ie a Christian, i won’t lie I’d be disappointed but I’d see it as my and DHs personal failing as we’d have failed to inspire them to love their faith. I’d want to talk to them about it and understand why. A lot of born Muslims who leave do so because of dogmatic individuals and beliefs so I’d want to get to the bottom of that if that was the reason and hopefully offer an alternate perspective.

If they came out as lgbtq, I’d protect them #1, unfortunately there is stills huge amount of stigma around this in the Muslim community. I’d still love them and accept them but I’d have to explain to them that a lot of their dads side of the family would likely disown them or not accept them or suggest they repress it and or excommunicate them.

They sound horrible, wouldn't want them around my kids.

@psydrive

They sound horrible, wouldn't want them around my kids.

They aren’t, just PIL in v v small and supervised quantities BUT it’s the community vibe that you can’t shake, it’s very gossipy and very concerned about what others think and honour and Shame etc

Hi OP, I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread. It’s taken me a good 40 mins 😆. Thank you for answering all the questions so perfectly.

I’m a born Sunni Muslim and was brought up in quite a conservative family. A lot of the South Asian Muslims I grew up with never practiced religion strictly, but in the last 10/20 years or so, there’s been a big change in them. I feel like it’s a surge of Wahhabism teaching them a strict form of the religion which is what is portrayed in the media. Being told not to listen to music or watch TV..I find it quite concerning. In reality, if you take out culture, Islam isn’t as tough as it’s made out to be!

In our family, we practice Sufi Islam. We believe in saints and I do enjoy Sufi poetry/song/ qawwali. One of my favourite Sufi poetry is sung by a Pakistani Sufi music artist called Abida Parveen. Just pasting it below. I feel it’s my answer to everything really. Doesn’t matter who you are, what you wear, at the end, you’re a human and whatever you do, it’s between you and your God. Strive to be a good human.

Arrey logo tumhara kia, mein jaanoo’n mera khuda jaaney
Oh those who point fingers at me, why does it concern you?
It’s between me & my God
( and God sees in the soul not outer trappings)

Why did you even bother becoming Muslim if you weren’t prepared to leave kufr lifestyle and beliefs behind? Everything you do on this earth, good or bad, will count for or against you in the afterlife.

You said “ I’d see it as my and DHs personal failing as we’d have failed to inspire them to love their faith.” But then you contradicted yourself in the last paragraph. Parents will be held accountable for failing to raise their kids properly and encouraging them to go against the Creator.

@Pollypocket2021

Why did you even bother becoming Muslim if you weren’t prepared to leave kufr lifestyle and beliefs behind? Everything you do on this earth, good or bad, will count for or against you in the afterlife.

You said “ I’d see it as my and DHs personal failing as we’d have failed to inspire them to love their faith.” But then you contradicted yourself in the last paragraph. Parents will be held accountable for failing to raise their kids properly and encouraging them to go against the Creator.

Well aren’t you a treat!

Where exactly did I contradict myself? And what exactly have I said that says I wasn’t prepared to give up my ‘kufr’ lifestyle. Ffs @Pollypocket2021 you just confirmed so so many negative stereotypes on this thread. How many people do you think you’ve put off / scared off Islam by your keyboard warrior comment

Salaam OP, Shia Muslim here, this is a great thread! Thank you for being so respectful when describing the differences between Shia and Sunni beliefs

I have read this morning that Trevor Phillips, the man who once said that a Muslim family fostering a non-Muslim child is “akin to child abuse”, amongst many other awful comments, is to receive a knighthood.

There’s a quote (that I can’t remember the author of, apologies) that says something along the lines of ‘hatred towards Muslims is such an issue that it’s a non-issue. It’s invisible through it ubiquity, it is the norm.’ Do you worry about the world your children will grow up in, how they will be treated? How the future will look in terms of persecution? I do, I feel very guilty sometimes for bringing them into this world and wish I would have thought more deeply about it before deciding to start a family.

Sorry about my post being so negative, but this news has shocked me (will I ever learn?) this morning.

@Andariego

Salaam OP, Shia Muslim here, this is a great thread! Thank you for being so respectful when describing the differences between Shia and Sunni beliefs

I have read this morning that Trevor Phillips, the man who once said that a Muslim family fostering a non-Muslim child is “akin to child abuse”, amongst many other awful comments, is to receive a knighthood.

There’s a quote (that I can’t remember the author of, apologies) that says something along the lines of ‘hatred towards Muslims is such an issue that it’s a non-issue. It’s invisible through it ubiquity, it is the norm.’ Do you worry about the world your children will grow up in, how they will be treated? How the future will look in terms of persecution? I do, I feel very guilty sometimes for bringing them into this world and wish I would have thought more deeply about it before deciding to start a family.

Sorry about my post being so negative, but this news has shocked me (will I ever learn?) this morning.

:) it’s one of my huge bugbears the takfiri sectarianism and sunni privilege and what then can only be described as the bullying of other sects.

I completely agree, look at the plethora of vile comments that even our prime minister (and various other politicians) have made about Muslims and they’ve got away with it unscathed. And if you compare that to the shit that Jeremy corbyn had thrown at him when he himself never actually said an anti Jewish comment (members of the party did i think and he was frustratingly slow to respond). But BJ has never apologised. I think islamaphobia is the last acceptable form of racism (I say acceptable not existing as obviously there are still vile racists out there but most would be aware that they can’t voice anti black sentiment socially yet the amount of anti Muslim sentiment/ bigoted misconceptions about Islam that just gets flung around casually is shocking.

I do worry about my children actually, it’s why I’ve tried to give them ambiguous sounding names that hopefully won’t hinder them, horrible that we have to do that. They also have my name surname as their middle name that they could double barrel If they chose. My children are really fair so they are ‘white passing’ I’d say so they aren’t likely to encounter racism on the streets, it would be the more covert boardroom style racism. I’m torn though because I do think life in the west is ‘better’ than in most Muslim majority countries (although life in the uk is rapidly declining). But I’d love to move to the emirates but I don’t think you can own property there as a non native so it couldn’t be a permanent move.

You know what the islamaphobia here reminds me of, they quote by bhaba ‘almost british but not quite, almost British just not white’

@CatsRCute

Hi OP, I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread. It’s taken me a good 40 mins 😆. Thank you for answering all the questions so perfectly.

I’m a born Sunni Muslim and was brought up in quite a conservative family. A lot of the South Asian Muslims I grew up with never practiced religion strictly, but in the last 10/20 years or so, there’s been a big change in them. I feel like it’s a surge of Wahhabism teaching them a strict form of the religion which is what is portrayed in the media. Being told not to listen to music or watch TV..I find it quite concerning. In reality, if you take out culture, Islam isn’t as tough as it’s made out to be!

In our family, we practice Sufi Islam. We believe in saints and I do enjoy Sufi poetry/song/ qawwali. One of my favourite Sufi poetry is sung by a Pakistani Sufi music artist called Abida Parveen. Just pasting it below. I feel it’s my answer to everything really. Doesn’t matter who you are, what you wear, at the end, you’re a human and whatever you do, it’s between you and your God. Strive to be a good human.

Arrey logo tumhara kia, mein jaanoo’n mera khuda jaaney
Oh those who point fingers at me, why does it concern you?
It’s between me & my God
( and God sees in the soul not outer trappings)

Love the quote! Thanks for sharing :)

You can read in the Quran about what happened to the wife of the Prophet Lut. Surah 26. This is a reminder to myself firstly, and then to others.

@Pollypocket2021

You can read in the Quran about what happened to the wife of the Prophet Lut. Surah 26. This is a reminder to myself firstly, and then to others.

Ah That old beating stick?

Firstly, Erm I’ve never said I was gay so I’m not sure how I’m living a sodom and Gomorrah lifestyle.

Secondly, what would you do @Pollypocket2021if one of your children said they were gay? Pray the gay away? Disown them? Attack them? Maybe throw them off a high building?

You said “ I’d see it as my and DHs personal failing as we’d have failed to inspire them to love their faith.” But then you contradicted yourself in the last paragraph. Parents will be held accountable for failing to raise their kids properly and encouraging them to go against the Creator.

@Pollypocket2021

So what, if OP's children turn out to be LGB she's failed to raise them properly?

Please go back to the middle ages.

@Pollypocket2021

Why did you even bother becoming Muslim if you weren’t prepared to leave kufr lifestyle and beliefs behind? Everything you do on this earth, good or bad, will count for or against you in the afterlife.

You said “ I’d see it as my and DHs personal failing as we’d have failed to inspire them to love their faith.” But then you contradicted yourself in the last paragraph. Parents will be held accountable for failing to raise their kids properly and encouraging them to go against the Creator.

Sooo you're saying that if someone believes in Allah but isn't going to be exactly the very best of muslims shouldn't ever convert???! And maybe a born muslim who, for example, doesn't keep all their prayers should renounce islam altogether by the same idea...... personally I don't think so 🤷🏻‍♀️