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Are there any women out there who have literally never had a single unwanted sexual experience/encounter

67 replies

JustJustWhy · 10/11/2021 17:34

Just reading a response on another thread where an AMA responded to the question of whether they ever had negative experiences of sex/abuse: "Yes of course I have like every woman".

It got me thinking, are there ANY women out there who can say they've literally had no negative sexual experiences whatsoever - specifically unwanted attention/abuse etc.

OP posts:
Jabbawasarollingstone · 11/11/2021 09:21

I've had verbal abuse about my supposed physical unattractive essay since my 20s, but usually by men who don't like being told no.

I was also raped by a long-term boyfriend who had sex with me whilst I was asleep. I woke up and found him on top of me. That was 21 years ago now. I was naive and thought because he was my boyfriend he got a free pass. Now, I'm in my mid-40s, I know it was bullshit.

I've been in a manipulative marriage for many years now. Men just think they can abuse my trust. I don't know why. It's take decades but I'm finally learning how to live on my terms.

Jabbawasarollingstone · 11/11/2021 09:22

*essay = appearance

Bancha · 11/11/2021 09:34

I was visibly fragile and it seems that’s what gets some men going.

Totally agree with @MakingTheBestOfIt. I worked as a receptionist when I was in my early 20s (and looked considerably younger). I was a young woman alone in a room by myself, often dealing with one person at a time, very few people waiting around. My hair was dire; it was not an attractive time in my life! I got hit on relentlessly. Similarly when I worked in admin in an office, when senior male colleagues could ‘get away with it’ they would often ask me out or whatever. None of this was predatory in the sense that I never felt threatened and they accepted a firm ‘no’ (and a withering look) and moved on. But I always had the sense that there was a sense of me being young, and ‘lower status’ (in their estimation) which emboldened these men. I’ve never received male attention like it!

Bancha · 11/11/2021 09:37

Sorry, just to clarify that I don’t think ‘attractiveness’ particularly comes into it. I think it is much more to do with vulnerability and opportunity. I don’t know any women that haven’t experienced some level of harassment and usually much worse.

MazIsWin22 · 11/11/2021 10:09

I'm 23 and I don't know a single girl around me who hasn't experienced this unfortunatley. It's really sad especially since I have 2 daughters and I really worry about what it's going to be like for them & the kids their age growing up. Also to the people who never experienced it - it's not a badge of honour. It's shame/guilt and feeling like a piece of meat and as though your completely consumable and disposable. Please don't feel bad not experiencing it, I would trade places with you and I think anyone else would to.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/11/2021 12:01

Of the kind the woman in the AMA is talking about - no. I think she was definitely talking about sexual assault or rape.
Lesser things, yes, bum pinched in clubs twenty years ago, inappropriate remarks, street harassment (on the continent only).
I'm not attractive and I do think there is something in the attractiveness thing, but it can happen to anyone.

Noooooogsh · 11/11/2021 12:28

I don’t think anyone said it was a badge of honour. By not having experienced it I’m certainly not denying it happens with horrifying frequency. I’m just answering the question in the thread title

thelegohooverer · 11/11/2021 14:04

I didn’t register some of these until I had a dd of my own.

JudgementalCactus · 11/11/2021 14:22

A random dude on the street shouted after me describing all the things he'd do to me. I was maybe 15.

Another dude poked my private parts with a banana while riding on a crowded elevator once. I was a tween

Witnessed men masturbating in public a few times

I count myself lucky.
I've never been particularly attractive, but I don't look like a troll either

JustJustWhy · 11/11/2021 16:22

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@JustJustWhy I did find your post unclear. Is it abuse by strangers which are 'sexual offences' or are you talking about negative sexual experiences, like regretting one night stands or having sex and then regretting it the next day?[/quote]
I meant any unwanted sexual advances, however mild or severe. Not anything that you chose then regretted.

OP posts:
LoveGrooveDanceParty · 11/11/2021 16:59

I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones who’s never experienced anything on the higher end of the scale.

But yes, of course, absolutely countless examples of the low level stuff.

I’m nearly 50 now, and the joy of being able to walk down the road unhindered and unnoticed is so great.

Maireas · 22/11/2021 11:35

@Kentuckycarby

I never have. It makes me feel like I’m the most unattractive woman in the world to be honest that I’ve not even been wolf-whistled at

It's not about men finding you attractive. It's about power and control.
TreesoftheField · 22/11/2021 11:43

Not really, the only things I can think of
At secondary school a boy used to slap my bum every time I got off the bus, while telling me I was ugly.
A lot more sleazy attention when living in Spain but they didn't persist when I made it clear I wasn't interested.
This seems nothing compared to many friends who've been raped or in abusive relationships.
I work with young homeless women and they've all experienced abuse, it's awful.

Trebormints74 · 27/11/2021 10:54

Gosh you just said no. Why didn’t we all think of that! What a naive thing to say!

christmaspavlova · 03/12/2021 00:30

I've never met a woman who has not been used or abused by a man at some point in her life. Seriously sad but very true.

VanillaAndOrange · 18/12/2021 22:23

I don't think I have, although people are always telling me I must have done and just not recognised it. I've certainly never been raped, groped or even had anything sexual shouted at me. I didn't want to have sex with my first two boyfriends and they both cheerfully accepted that.

I'm not instinctively frightened to walk around alone at night, although I am happy to not do it for other people's peace of mind.

I sometimes feel very alone and disbelieved. Thank you for starting this thread.

cpox · 18/12/2021 22:51

No, I haven't. I'm extremely unattractive.

I've had plenty of unwanted verbal abuse for being 'ugly' though.

Same here. I’m in my twenties and live in a city centre.

I feel fortunate to feel comfortable walking home at night.

I still worry about some situations (e.g., walking past groups of drunk men on nights out) but I guess for slightly different reasons to the average woman. I’m not worried about being sexually assaulted, instead I just hate how embarrassing it is when I’m mocked in public for my unattractiveness.

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