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Are there any women out there who have literally never had a single unwanted sexual experience/encounter

67 replies

JustJustWhy · 10/11/2021 17:34

Just reading a response on another thread where an AMA responded to the question of whether they ever had negative experiences of sex/abuse: "Yes of course I have like every woman".

It got me thinking, are there ANY women out there who can say they've literally had no negative sexual experiences whatsoever - specifically unwanted attention/abuse etc.

OP posts:
JustJustWhy · 10/11/2021 18:43

I'm sorry to anyone who has experienced abuse but I also want to add that looks and weight don't always apply, particularly when it's a family member.

I am genuinely pleased to hear that are people who have not experienced any kind of abuse whatsoever. I have always considered that to be quite rare.

OP posts:
newwifewatnumber10 · 10/11/2021 18:48

I’m pretty invisible now but currently being subjected to sexual harassment from a work colleague.
I have zero tolerance for it now but in my younger days, when I suffered it more, I wasn’t so bothered and could bat it off easier.

helloyoutoo8 · 10/11/2021 18:57

I was going to say no to this question. Then realised I've been flashed at, lots of wolf whistles in teens and 20s. However, sadly I don't associate this with 'negative sexual experiences'. I guess it's your personal perspective of what's not appropriate.

ChocoholicContralto · 10/11/2021 19:06

Only wolf whistling, and the occasional comment shouted out in the street. I suspect I give off fairly feisty vibes. Not sure why!

TheGallopingGourmet · 10/11/2021 19:08

In no particular order
1.)Touched inappropriately by male member of staff in position of authority.
2.) Offered "assistance" ( to take me to his house) as a child, by a male 'Doctor' who happened to be on the canal towpath after I had fallen and cut my leg.
3.) Followed home by a man in a car as I was walking home from work late in the evening (walking from the bus stop, couldn't afford a taxi the rest of the way) I could tell the car was very close and automatic.
4.) The strangest ever - a driving lesson aged 19, the driving instructor tied my foot to the clutch with a leather belt ( he said it was to stop me taking my foot off the clutch between gear changes). It involved a bit of "fumbling" around my ankles. I have never forgotten it or heard of it happening to anybody else.
DH was speechless when I recently told him

purpleme12 · 10/11/2021 19:16

I had someone try to lift my skirt up a bit when they were walking past me when I was living in France
But I think that's about it

BeardyButton · 10/11/2021 19:28

Too many to list. But in my 40s now so looking forward to a life of invisibility. One of the worst ones was not about sex at all, but about humiliation. That was awful.

Another was by a relative in public - “if only I was 20 years younger” and grapped my breast. In front of my parents. They didn’t know, but he also put his hand up my skirt jst before. Everyone was in shock. Mom asked if I wanted her to ask him to leave (he was staying with us). I said no, but went to stay in a friends house and never saw him again (avoided anytime he’d visit). He is dead now. But mom talks about how much she misses him. Once I made a face... she said “well I know you two had your differences...”. I laughed so hard at the ridiculousness of that comment.

Anyway! One of the reasons I am so happy I had a son - I feel relatively more confident he won’t have to put up with that shit. Now it’s on me to raise him to be an actual half way decent human being and not do that shit.

thedevilinablackdress · 10/11/2021 20:02

Of course I’ve experienced unwanted attention, like all women in societies in which the expectation is for men to approach women they find attractive, and for women to choose whether to accept or reject the approach, but that’s par for the course.

Most of the things people are describing are NOTHING to do with men chatting up women they find attractive.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 10/11/2021 21:30

I have. Ironically, the bad things happened to me in situations or with people that were supposed to be safe , rather than typical "unsafe" situations i.e. drunk, one night stands, hook ups,big age difference etc.

MyFieldOfFucksIsBarren · 10/11/2021 21:38

@Divebar2021

I would be surprised if no-one had been flashed at… Ive had that twice at least. ( they were both masturbating ) in a pretty busy place. I’ve had a couple of encounters with naked men who sprang out of the bloody bushes. My friend and I were chased and grabbed by a couple of men ( same holiday as naked man ) My friend was dragged into a vineyard. Later I was pinned down by a fellow student and had to fight my way out his room, as a slightly older woman goosed by a guy who shoved his hands between my legs. Obscene phone call “ what shoes are you wearing”…. I was wearing Docs… so so sexy. None of this I would consider unusual - how shocking is that? Hmm.

I have never encountered a flasher. I've been on the receiving end of some inappropriate remarks and had a weirdo try to persuade me to go back to his flat when I was 18 but like a couple of others, nothing that has left a negative, lasting impression. My hobby and work are both in a male dominated arena.
GoldenBlue · 10/11/2021 21:40

I think people that have experienced it find each other without realising. Similarly people who have had a blessed Life find each other too.

All my friends and I have had bad experiences. Everyone of us something bad, some very serious.

My sister and her immediate friendship group apparently mostly haven't had bad experiences.

I suspect vulnerable people give off vibes that results in arseholes finding us, but also us later finding each other

Animood · 10/11/2021 22:04

Not me but my sister has never kissed anyone or been sexual. She has aspergers and finds socialising tricky.

She is also a trans woman who is attracted to women, which brings with it a whole load more issues! In short, most lesbians don't want someone who was born a man. Which is fair enough, it just means the odds are very much stacked against her.

I'm hopeful she will find someone eventually.

Animood · 10/11/2021 22:06

@Animood

Not me but my sister has never kissed anyone or been sexual. She has aspergers and finds socialising tricky.

She is also a trans woman who is attracted to women, which brings with it a whole load more issues! In short, most lesbians don't want someone who was born a man. Which is fair enough, it just means the odds are very much stacked against her.

I'm hopeful she will find someone eventually.

Omg so sorry everyone I completely missed the question- up all night!

Do ignore me!
Numbersarefun · 10/11/2021 22:18

I don’t think I ever have. Have only ever had sex with my husband and was never in a situation where I was coerced into anything. My only male relatives were my Dad and Grandad (and my 2 younger brothers) and there were no issues there.

Herewearestar · 10/11/2021 22:31

WRT to abuse, it’s interesting that when asked l have you ever been abused?” surveys found about 25% of women said they were abused.

When researchers changed the question as it was too loaded, and just asked young women “have you experienced any of the following” with a list of abusive behaviours listed eg being slapped, being grabbed, the figure shot up to 97%.

So unfortunately it does look like the a lot more women have suffered abuse than first realised.

Mantlemoose · 10/11/2021 22:33

I haven't, I guess I give off that 'don't even think about' it vibe!

loosestrife · 10/11/2021 23:34

A few boob grabs at school, some random catcalling on the street, but mercifully nothing beyond that.

JinglingHellsBells · 11/11/2021 08:22

A man once rubbed himself against me when I was sitting on an aisle seat of a bus in a big city. At first I thought it was an accident as the bus swayed round a bit roundabout and he leaned in against my arm, then it carried on. I was early 20s. I said nothing and ignored it. Now, I'd tell the whole bus what he was doing.

Another episode was when I was 18 and a man asked me the time in the street- early evening- and deserted. I immediately knew this was odd as we were outside a jewellers with a huge clock on their building. I side stepped and he reached out to grab by boob, over my coat. Thankfully he didn't pursue me and again with hindsight I should have reported him.

JinglingHellsBells · 11/11/2021 08:24

@JustJustWhy I did find your post unclear. Is it abuse by strangers which are 'sexual offences' or are you talking about negative sexual experiences, like regretting one night stands or having sex and then regretting it the next day?

Noooooogsh · 11/11/2021 08:26

I genuinely haven’t. Never a bottom pinch/cat calling/persistent men. I also never get approached in clubs or bars. I’m 25 and reasonable looking (have a lovely boyfriend and friends/family who don’t recoil in horror, so I can’t be too hideous Grin)

I’m quite tall, have a resting bitch face, and I think I give off an aura of “leave me the fuck alone”

Spunout · 11/11/2021 08:33

I don't know any women who haven't ☹

Mummyford · 11/11/2021 08:35

Plenty of groping and catcalling. One summer working in Paris I was pinched to bruising.

At work lots of things/comments/situations that are completely inappropriate but were just accepted as part of life-- very glad my sons and DD are heading into a different world.

Unwelcome attention from guys at school/uni, but never anything at the hands of someone I was related to, dating or in a relationship with. I had no idea how fortunate I've been until recently.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 11/11/2021 08:40

I would count strangers abusing you for being ugly in the same bracket. Being propositioned by men that you thought were your friends when you happen to be alone late at night. Anything objectifying that is unlikely to be experienced by a man.

SpinsForGin · 11/11/2021 08:47

It's got nothing to do with attractiveness and doesn't have to be serious sexual assault to count.

It's so sad to think that we've been socialised to believe the 'little things' don't count.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 11/11/2021 09:11

Groped at 10 by a family friend in front of his and my family.

Flashed at 11 by a stranger masturbating on the path next to school.

Went to a girls’ school so plenty of associated beeping and catcalling when in a group, and later people getting handsy on dance floors.

Beyond that it’s harder to judge - I made very poor choices about potentially very risky people who with the benefit of hindsight I’d say were coercive or taking advantage of my vulnerable state. But not so beyond the pale that it veered into criminal.

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