Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AMA
Original poster

Are there any women out there who have literally never had a single unwanted sexual experience/encounter

66 replies

JustJustWhy · 10/11/2021 17:34

Just reading a response on another thread where an AMA responded to the question of whether they ever had negative experiences of sex/abuse: "Yes of course I have like every woman".

It got me thinking, are there ANY women out there who can say they've literally had no negative sexual experiences whatsoever - specifically unwanted attention/abuse etc.

OP posts:
Kentuckycarby · 10/11/2021 17:37

I never have. It makes me feel like I’m the most unattractive woman in the world to be honest that I’ve not even been wolf-whistled at

SummerHouse · 10/11/2021 17:37

Very roughly, I think I have had about 20. Ranging from very minor to three flashings, a crotch grab and a very uncomfortable taxi journey. I think odds are that most women have experienced at least one incident.

SummerHouse · 10/11/2021 17:40

@Kentuckycarby

I never have. It makes me feel like I’m the most unattractive woman in the world to be honest that I’ve not even been wolf-whistled at
I am mid 40s and invisible now. It's liberating. Please don't feel you have missed out or are not attractive. That's not how it works.
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 10/11/2021 17:41

I don’t think I’ve ever met one.

PickupaPenguin8 · 10/11/2021 17:41

I haven't. I have had unwanted attention and pressure though. I just said no.

Londoncatshed · 10/11/2021 17:43

Just read the very same thread and picked up on that. I’m very fortunate to not have ever encountered any serious sexual abuse. I have lovely male relatives and have had several relationships.
The only unwanted attention I have had, was when I was much younger and going out and had my bottom pinched/groped a few times and some verbal abuse. It’s strange to think I just accepted it as the norm, although I would be shocked now if it happened.

I realise others haven’t been so lucky. I have a wonderful, very respectful father and growing up, he was what I thought all men were like.

DaisyDozyDee · 10/11/2021 17:48

I think it would be unusual to never have had any unwanted actions or comments happen, but less unusual to have been conditioned to accept it or minimise it.
Lifestyle would be a factor though. If you went to a single sex school and didn’t mix socially with the opposite sex, didn’t use public transport, didn’t walk alone, didn’t go to pubs/bars, worked in a female dominated place of employment etc your likelihood of anything happening would be much lower.

TheRustler · 10/11/2021 17:54

I genuinely haven't. Grew up in a village where flashers would have been run out of town on the wrong end of a tractor, self-employed working from home for most of my career, long-term relationship so not much dating, etc. I fully accept this makes me rarer than a unicorn with an HGV licence and I don't admit it in real life because it nearly always ends in a 'you're just in denial' argument, and I don't ever want to minimise the bad experiences of most other women.

Original poster
JustJustWhy · 10/11/2021 17:58

I'm so heartened to hear it's not every woman. I had an unfortunate childhood due to a family member and nearly everyone woman I know has a story. The rest might or might not have. I never ask, I only ever listen to volunteered stories.

OP posts:
titchy · 10/11/2021 18:00

@PickupaPenguin8

I haven't. I have had unwanted attention and pressure though. I just said no.
That IS a negative experience though isn't it?
PickupaPenguin8 · 10/11/2021 18:01

Yes it is. I haven’t been assaulted though.

Peanutbutterrules1 · 10/11/2021 18:06

I did as a teenager, being groped at school and at clubs/ pubs. Most was bum pinch which is not nice but didn’t cause me too many worries. The worst was at school crotch grabs, boob grabs. Also being generally degraded by male students. It makes me so fearful for my daughters when they start secondary school. I hope things have improved.

However I met my future husband at 18 and he has been my one and only sexual partner. I have never had a date go wrong or really bad sexual encounter. I used to think I had missed out on a fun single life. Now I tend to think I was lucky?

thedevilinablackdress · 10/11/2021 18:07

I've experienced a lot of what your might call minor harassment: catcalling (from a white van, in my school uniform), boys at school making awful comments, pulling bra straps, men 'having' to put their hands on you to get past you at a gig. Being told to 'smile sweetheart'. A creepy man trying to get me to go to his house to get photos taken. A teacher 'squeezing by' in a not very small room. Comments from managers about my body on a work night out.
I feel fortunate it never got much worse than that - how bad is that, that I feel lucky!

MakingTheBestOfIt · 10/11/2021 18:08

@Kentuckycarby

I never have. It makes me feel like I’m the most unattractive woman in the world to be honest that I’ve not even been wolf-whistled at
It’s not that.

I was a fairly unattractive teenager and young woman but used to get loads of unwanted attention. Finally worked out it was because I came across as being very vulnerable. Adopted the infamous ‘resting bitch face’ and no more trouble.

I was left shaken up after a minor car accident a few years ago and, I kid you not, got hit on twice that afternoon. A frumpy, make-up free, frankly pretty ugly middle aged woman, but I was visibly fragile and it seems that’s what gets some men going.

DumpedByText · 10/11/2021 18:10

I have been groped, cornered, had inappropriate comments made and coerced into sex I didn't want.

My 14 year old daughter has had inappropriate comments to, things have to change.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 10/11/2021 18:11

Flashed at and some other stuff.

WinterFirTree · 10/11/2021 18:12

I used to think I had not and then recently reviewed what has happened in my life;

  • aged 12 my uncle grabbed my boobs and leered 'you are getting some curves'.
-aged about 14 and my English teacher asked me if I wanted to 'get on top of him' after school -first boyfriend - I was nervous about intervourse so he forced me to have anal sex (I thought it was my fault) -driving instructor who suggested I grip the gearstick like it was my boyfriend -after marriage I received more propositions than ever before by married friends of my DH and one in particular got very nasty and agressive (screaming in my face) when I turned him down -the usual wolf whistling shite

It honestly took me some years and alot of maturity to even realise that any of this was sexual harrassment (and indeed rape) because it was all so 'normal'.

CouldThisReallyBe · 10/11/2021 18:20

I can honestly say that I've never considered myself to have had a negative experience. By negative I mean something that has stayed with me or harmed me physically or emotionally in any way. I don't include wolf whistling. And I don't consider myself 'conditioned to accept it'. I'm 51 and above average attractiveness. I've lived, worked and commuted across London since I was 24 and I spent 3 years backpacking on 3 continents before that.

Tal45 · 10/11/2021 18:23

My worst incidents all happened when I was travelling around Europe alone in my early 20's. In France I was walking with my big rucksack on along a road a bit lost and a man pulled over and asked if I would give him a blow job. I got flashed walking up the the Alhambre in Spain in the evening. An old man tried to put his arm around me on a train. On another trip in a campsite in France I got talking to someone who then went in the shared bathrooms while I was cleaning my teeth and took a shower right behind me with the door open.

Divebar2021 · 10/11/2021 18:25

I would be surprised if no-one had been flashed at… Ive had that twice at least. ( they were both masturbating ) in a pretty busy place. I’ve had a couple of encounters with naked men who sprang out of the bloody bushes. My friend and I were chased and grabbed by a couple of men ( same holiday as naked man ) My friend was dragged into a vineyard. Later I was pinned down by a fellow student and had to fight my way out his room, as a slightly older woman goosed by a guy who shoved his hands between my legs. Obscene phone call “ what shoes are you wearing”…. I was wearing Docs… so so sexy. None of this I would consider unusual - how shocking is that? Hmm.

Libertaire · 10/11/2021 18:26

I have certainly never experienced anything I would describe as ‘abuse’.

Of course I’ve experienced unwanted attention, like all women in societies in which the expectation is for men to approach women they find attractive, and for women to choose whether to accept or reject the approach, but that’s par for the course.

I have also done things I’ve regretted with people I didn’t care about but that was my choice at the time.

GrandOld · 10/11/2021 18:27

As above poster put it:

By negative I mean something that has stayed with me or harmed me physically or emotionally in any way. I don't include wolf whistling.

Same.

Divebar2021 · 10/11/2021 18:28

It’s not about attractiveness so I’m not sure why that’s mentioned.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 10/11/2021 18:28

No, I haven't. I'm extremely unattractive.

I've had plenty of unwanted verbal abuse for being 'ugly' though.

ThisIsTheGreatestShow · 10/11/2021 18:36

I haven't but I put that down to being very overweight for 15 years or so. Having lost that now for a good few years I'm more aware of getting attention but thankfully nothing more than an occasional look or interest rather than anything unwanted.