@Sendmetobarbados
Thank you, this is really interesting. My question relates to anxiety and, particularly, meltdowns and regulating emotions. My daughter (aged 12) is autistic and regularly takes her frustrations out on me at home, after masking at school. She can be quite violent, and it's a behaviour we're working on to try and ensure she has down time and that her triggers are reduced. I was wondering whether you struggled with this as a child/teen and, if so, whether - or how - you were able to manage it? Worth mentioning that my daughter also has a learning disability and a stammer, which can cause extra frustrations.
Hugely! I still have them occasionally 🥺
The thing that many find hard to accept is having meltdowns/shutdowns is not a behavioural choice.
It's a medical episode.
The latest research says it's most comparable to having a seizure with how much control you have over them - and it would be ridiculous to punish people for having them/reinforce people for not having them.
They are also NOT just a part of being autistic - they are a sign of SERIOUS autistic distress and shouldn't be happening.
Not because the autistic person should be more tolerant, but their environment and support networks NEED to be working together to remove triggers and put in accommodations.
This suggests she's masking at school and the unexploded coke bottle with half of sainsburies supply of mentos has reached trigger point.
Think about things you can change in her life and your own attitudes!
I was labelled as having challenging behaviours where in reality the environment and people around me were, to the point it was insanely traumatic.
Some things to consider:
Sensory - certain clothes feel like someone's raking fingernails on sunburn
Same with certain sounds, they make me feel I'm in a drawstring bag and it's tightening around my body and I need to get out of my own body as effectively it's been hijacked by someone else and I have NO control over what I do or say.
For almost a week after I feel so heavy, like I've been strapped down with sandbags on every limb.
Social demands - see above. Thankfully my family are very understanding and don't force me anymore to go to family get togethers. Sometimes on a good day on my terms I can meet up with 1 or 2 people, but more than 3 and my brain is fried from juggling all the social energy and demands. As a rule when not related to my SI, 1hr interaction means I need 3 hours sleeping or to be completely left alone.
Executive functioning demands - I have careers coming in 4 hours a day who do all the cleaning, washing etc for me. A lot of trauma is attached to this as when your disability is invisible people just think you are lazy or awkward or manipulative when you say you honestly can't do it.
My brain just gets overwhelmed. The amount of people who have tried to teach me life skills is comical, especially when they cite it's about making me independent. It doesn't work, hugely patronising, tiring and traumatic - I know the theory but simply do not have the mental spoons. Please don't sweat about this for your kids when they are older if they struggle, it's not worth straining your relationship over. Independence doesn't look the same for everyone, and if I had an obvious physical disability that meant I couldn't obviously do it they would have to do it for me.
Don't be fobbed off with that excuse of making them too reliant on support. Don't let them place the burden on your kid or you, get them to deal with it and come up with a workable solution.