Recovering heroin addict - AMA

[GeidiPrimes]

I think there's still a fair few misconceptions around addiction, I know this because I was an intravaenus addict for most of my adult life. From the age of 21 I was heroin-addicted, interspersed with prescribed methadone. Late 30s I ceased heroin, relying only on my methadone script and it took me ten years to gather the bottle to taper off that. I became completely opiate-free in May this year.

I'm (selfishly) doing this as a sort of marker for me, so I can recognise the steps I've taken, if that makes sense? So curiosity most welcome.

[Brot64]

Sorry to hear about your loss and well done for stopping. It can only get better.

[SandysMam]

Don’t feel guilt from the dealing, you were more likely just a victim of the whole sorry thing. The ones who should feel guilt are the fat cat drug lords in million pound mansions driving range rovers who pride themselves in never being stupid enough to touch the stuff!
You should just feel proud you got out of it. Good luck with your ongoing battle, I’m sure you never really stop recovering but the prize of freedom is so worth the price!

[ApolloandDaphne]

I have no questions but I just want to say a big well done to you.

[SandysMam]

Definitely keep this thread to see how far you’ve come!

[TweeterandtheMonkeyman]

Did you enjoy it the first time you tried it? What brought you back for a second time?

[Chattercino]

Wow, OP. Huge huge congratulations to you for turning your life around. Xx

[Monkeytapper]

When do the drugs stop being ‘enjoyable’ I mean, can you describe what it’s like to start with? Is it like ‘Trainspotting’. How long does that feeling last when and does it change to just trying to feel ‘normal’ again....is that when you are just ‘chasing the dragon’ and it not being a euphoric high anymore?

Sorry if my questions aren’t very clear

[mollscroll]

This is so interesting. And my God OP. Well done. What a thing you have achieved. I think I deserve a medal for doing a month on a replacement meals diet in lockdown

What ongoing medical or psychological support to you get apart from NA?

[cultkid]

I can't even come off dihydrocodone atm

Well done you are amazing

[CorianderQueen]

What does it feel like when you're on it?

[Branleuse]

Well done OP. Not many come out the other side of it. Im proud of you x

[GeidiPrimes]

BitOfFun I first injected when a man who scored for me put all our heroin into a spoon and added water etc. to it instead of placing my share on foil. A lot of intravaenous addicted men get kicks from injecting women and kind of becomes a sex/control thing for them I guess? All v. murky.

Smoking V injecting - a trickle versus a flood? Smoking is v. potent at first, but the body soon becomes used to it.

I ceased methadone use in May june2007, it was harder than I thought. I'd tapered down to what I thought must be a placebo dose but it was fairly uncomfortable. I then sunk into a really frightening depression, (all the reasons I wanted to self medicate were still there) but now prescribed an antidepressant and I speak to a counsellor once a week. I'm sorry you've suffered loss, drug services do prescribe surprisingly high doses of the stuff (it also has a very robust half-life) and often addicts turn to alcohol when ceasing heroin. Can be lethal with methadone.

I don't go back because I've discovered I can feel better by being physically fit and generally looking after myself (and the pets!) All I ever really wanted was to feel OK, but I always felt slightly dysphoric and uncomfy in my own body and mind. I also hated the way the drug controlled me.

HotSince63 I met dh once I'd ceased heroin, but still prescribed methadone. He wasn't a drug user, but like me, he was very mentally unwell and took his own life some years back. My response to that was to want to shut it out, but this time I chose alcohol not heroin. I actually did more harm to my body during those years spent drinking than I did with heroin. I don't drink alcohol anymore either...

[Frequency]

Firstly, well fucking done OP. I hung around with a lot of addicts in my misspent youth. Only one managed to beat herion. Many others died and a few are still addicted. It's such a horrible, horrible drug.

My question is have you 'replaced' your addiction with another? The only former addicts/alcoholics I know have all replaced their addictions with excercise, gambling and alcohol addictions.

[Understand123]

.

[Suzi888]

Were you addicted from the very first use? How did you feel the next day or when the effects wore off? Is it like a hangover?

Very well done on your recovery by the way, I can’t imagine how hard it would have been.

[Understand123]

I was also a heroin addict and now work in Drug treatment services as Recovery Worker so see the other side of it. You’ve done amazingly well and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.

I just wanted to ask. You said about high doses of methadone, do you feel that slowed your recovery?

[GeidiPrimes]

Talia78 it's so hard to know when to step back with addicts, I don't know if even having a supportive family helps. I think most addicts just get sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time eventually. I hope she has that moment of clarity, that's all it takes. And she has you! All the women in my family are addicts too (alcohol) some still in active addiction and the feeling of powerlessness is saddening.

I do have a criminal record TheQueef and have been imprisoned, which was not as bad as I thought it would be, (then again they didn't allow men to ID into womens jails back then). I think it's "spent" now, but would come up on an enhanced DBS I'd reckon.

[yelyah22]

Amazing work OP - I worked in drug treatment services and I saw so many people who I really hoped for good outcomes, so it's lovely to see someone living it, and you are doing an incredible job.

Do you still engage with treatment services post-methodone? And what could they have done better or worse while you were still using?

[gypsywater]

Well done! Amazing achievement getting off the methadone too! Good for you!

Do you think most heroin addicts have underlying trauma, from people you may have met when using?

[gypsywater]

Ps sorry to read about the loss of your DH, very sad :(

[BitOfFun]

Thank you for answering my questions- I'd like to join the chorus of posters congratulating you too! I'm so sorry to hear how you lost your husband; it must have been devastating, and I understand why you'd turn to drink. Well done for knocking that on the head too, and sorting yourself out- it's an inspirational example for others.

[cptartapp]

Are your parents in your life?

[GeidiPrimes]

Ah, I'm sorry about your dbro OnceBitten I wish I knew what to say to make him stop! I did find it helpful to approach it all a bit like an experiment, ie. that I could stop the cold turkey/uncomfortable feelings any time I wanted, that it was my choice. I wish I could explain it better. And thank you to all of you who've said well done etc., you're too bloody kind!

TweeterandtheMonkeyman it felt like coming home. I was already thinking about scoring my next lot, so there was no considering the implications. Well I sort of did, but waved them away. I still miss it sometimes, it was the longest relationship I ever had.

[Andante57]

Well done op.

[GeidiPrimes]

Monkeytapper physical tolerance happens fairly quickly, the addict part wants to get high at whatever cost, but the sensible part says to save some drugs for the morning. Guess which one wins? Then it's a cycle of needing more and more drugs. Chasing the dragon (we used to call it "booting") is smoking rather than injecting.

mollscroll - replacement meals?! Now that I really couldn't do! I've found a brilliant counsellor through MIND, took a few tries but was worth it. My former keyworker at our local drug services still phones me every few weeks to check-in. I've applied to volunteer there as a peer mentor, but that's all up in the air because of covid.

cultkid, is the dihydrocodeine causing problems for you, (is it prescribed for pain?) It's a strong drug tbf, the police doctor would prescribe this whenever I was kept in the cells for withdrawals, (they won't allow addicts their prescribed methadone while under caution). If it's bothering you, can you ask GP to prescribe in smaller dose tablets and taper? Thanks for your kind words