Recovering heroin addict - AMA

[GeidiPrimes]

I think there's still a fair few misconceptions around addiction, I know this because I was an intravaenus addict for most of my adult life. From the age of 21 I was heroin-addicted, interspersed with prescribed methadone. Late 30s I ceased heroin, relying only on my methadone script and it took me ten years to gather the bottle to taper off that. I became completely opiate-free in May this year.

I'm (selfishly) doing this as a sort of marker for me, so I can recognise the steps I've taken, if that makes sense? So curiosity most welcome.

Thank you for answering my earlier question OP.
What an interesting and moving thread.

Lots of love to @BitOfFun, you are being so strong.

That’s interesting about not having too many lines on your face. I read an article years ago about some rock star which mentioned long term heroin addicts looking younger than their years- I always wondered why that should be!

Oh man, the kindness and warmth has been lovely to read, even if it makes me squirm a bit.

cutkid, in that case doing the thread was even more worthwhile, and I think you deserve some too. Use this thread if you like for a bit of support, you are not alone.

Was dealing dangerous and/or hard to get out of? Do you know what's become of the people you knew who were involved in dealing?

I know a teenager who's been sent to a residential detox/rehab but would have faced criminal charges if not made to go "voluntarily". Probably not heroin but pills and stuff. Just wondering what parents can do in these situations (I'm not in UK and I know most parents may not have the option to remove the child completely from their social circles as this boy has been).

Just coming on to say a heartfelt thank you for this thread, OP. Much of my nursing career has been spent working with drug users and I honestly think the more we can do to educate people who haven't experienced addiction, that those who have are normal people, not some scary "other" type group in society, the better. If only we as a society could be more tolerant and supportive of people who use drugs and get rid of some of the shame and stigma that society perpetuates, recovery would be a lot easier, in lots of ways

Yes, thank you for this thread. It has been v interesting. X 👸

That's a really interesting one SecondRow, I was given the choice of a court order for rehab + probation (inc. providing clean samples) or a custodial sentence and I chose the former. It didn't make me stop using, but I believe the seed of the process of me giving up was planted there and I gave up heroin a few ears later. I started drinking during this time (having been pretty much teetotal up until then) because it was the only substance they didn't test me for, and I was too frightened at that point to live life without some kind off buffer. Became alcohol-dependent pretty quickly but was in denial for a long time.

So for your friend, even if they don't complete their time there, they'll still learn stuff for when they do get clean. It can take many attempts at rehab, it rarely works first time, but sometimes it does. I hope that doesn't sound too bleak! Parents being on board (providing they're kind people) will help. Pay attention to the boys mental health (addicts are trying to medicate away trauma ime).

I rambled right on there, so will try to keep this one more succint! My partner and I dealt together, and the police arranged to bust our house. We were both arrested, but I was only found in possession of a small amount, whereas he had a lot concealed about his person* and was charged + subsequently prison. He was a violent bastard who told me if I ever ended the relationship he'd burn down my house, and he was extremely violent towards me. So I was delighted really, there's no possible way in the world I could have got clean with that man in my life.

Nobody hassled me for no longer selling/doing drugs. Even when still in active addiction, addicts are usually pleased for anyone who can stop. Then again, I believe dealing has become far more aggressive since children have been trafficked around the country (county lines) to deal drugs. A fellow recoveree has had persistent texts from dealers trying to sell their wares years after getting clean.

And I know I keep saying it, but your well-wishes mean so much. This must be one of the most gentle AMAs ever!

Glad I could clear up the wrinkle curiosity for you Tweeter I've gained a few in the last few years tho.

*Drug dealers really do keep their drugs up the bum

YY Restless, the stigma + the shame, it's our nature as a society to judge others isn't it? If only we didn't. I used to feel that saying addiction was an illness was me copping out, but there really is such a big mental health aspect to it. I don't know any addicts who have good mental health, who never had it to start with. Anti-depressants probably give me what I was seeking through illicit drugs (to feel OK) but mental health was swept under the carpet far more when I was young.

Thanks for answering Geidi. Your former partner sounds scary. I'm glad that stopping dealing worked out for you!

The boy I know does have good parents, and he is a nice kid, too. Was a bit adrift, started with weed and must have got in with a bad crowd .

The tough love aspect of him being sent away for months is exacerbated by Corona so they haven't been allowed to visit. I just hope it's not a case of picking up tips from other addicts like you hear about youths coming out of jail more hardened than they went in.

But it's encouraging that you say the skills of rehab stay with you and can be drawn on later too.

Another question if I may, do the friends you have now know much about your "old" life?

Well done!

You've already kind of answered my first question, but what would happen if you needed surgery and a morphine/ fentanyl drip? Can't believe they sent you home with oramorph, that's shocking!!! What type of pain meds can you take? Is codeine off-limits?

How many people knew when you were addicted? How many attempts did it take you to quit?

Did you ever have to sleep rough?

What do you think of cultural depictions of addiction? I'm thinking Junk by Melvin Burgess and Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo mainly.

Thank you for starting this thread!

I can honestly say OP, that in my many years of treating people living with addiction, they had all without exception experienced significant trauma. People get hung up on believing that it's the drug that's addictive when really that's never the case, it's the function the drug serves for the person (which is almost always about blocking pain) that is addictive.

Well done @GeidiPrimes! This is such an achievement. Great user name as well.

I usually tell people about my past if it feels appropriate/relevant Second, it's difficult to skirt around it sometimes as it was such a lengthy part of my life. Active addiction is so secretive, and it makes a welcome change to be able to be open about it.

It would be great if drug + MH services worked more in tandem wouldn't it Restless, because even when the drugs are out of the equation, the root cause of the compulsive and obsessive behaviour is still there, often accompanied by PAWS in the early part of recovery.

I think women are overlooked somewhat as a sex class in recovery because we learn to mask more due to female socialisation. Men are often centred more in groups and meetings. You might remember the murders of the 5 women in Ipswich from 2006, I was attending a treatment centre there, and saw first hand how some of those men were treated after their partners were murdered. They were given financial support because they had lost their income...! These men had been effectively pimping the murdered women and enjoying the financial benefits. They didn't even go out with their partners to help keep them safe, (noting reg. plates etc) because they wanted to stay home, in the warm.

Notthissticky I had a surgery in January and was given fentanyl! I must admit, it was bloody fantastic I wouldn't dream of replicating it outside of a therapeutic setting anymore though. My GP has prescribed codeine for me before, she always asks me if I'll cope, and I was blown away by her trust in me and would hate to abuse that.

I never had to sleep rough, always managed to keep a roof over my head, always was one of my biggest fears. I don't know if I'd have been able to come back from being homeless. I have the biggest respect for those who do, very strong and determined people.

I haven't read many books depicting addiction, I found them quite triggering until fairly recently. I've seen Trainspotting though... it makes it all look quite cutesy and fun (especially Renton, he's written differently in the book). I couldn't watch "a young doctors notebook" because of all the anguished withdrawal scenes.

A fellow Grimes (or Dune?) fan Banana! She's been a great inspiration for me, love her music.

@Restlessinthenorth

I can honestly say OP, that in my many years of treating people living with addiction, they had all without exception experienced significant trauma. People get hung up on believing that it's the drug that's addictive when really that's never the case, it's the function the drug serves for the person (which is almost always about blocking pain) that is addictive.

This makes perfect sense and will change the way I think about addiction.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread and OP for starting it. All the experiences described are completely outside my own but (and I hope this doesn't come across as patronising) it has been so educational.

@GeidiPrimes I LOVE Grimes! Discovered her this year - the video for ‘Violence’ is something else, and as for the song itself ❤️❤️❤️. Her work is fabulous.

Definitely not patronising at all squashy, I'm glad it offered a bit of insight

I'm obsessed with "You'll miss me when you're not around" at the moment. And Nightmusic off Visions is an all time fave. I love the fact she directs (with her dbro) all her music clips and does all the album artwork too.

The Grimes rant was directed to Banana

@GeidiPrimes what do you think about her and Elon? I was certainly surprised!

@GeidiPrimes totally agree. Very fortunate that my work has always been in a service where we treat both (I'm a mental health nurse) in tandem, so providing EMDR, CBT, DBT, and other psychosocial interventions, but services like ours are few and far between. It's such a lottery and it angers me greatly that addiction services have been largely stripped from the NHS to provide them on the cheap.

This has been a lovely thread to be part of, I wish more people were able to share their stories like you have. You've really touched me with your honestly and I wish you all the best. No road is ever bump free, but it sounds like you have everything you need to keep going strong!

@squashyhat so nice to see hear this thread has been enlightening! For only more people thought like you and were open to a different narrative than what the media spins us

I think they kind of make sense as a couple Banana - Grimes was studying to be a neuroscientist before becoming a musician, and they both believe AI will take over the world at some point, (I think that's entirely possible too )

Thanks for your contribution Restless, I find it so hard to put into words the gap between the two services, (which you've done beautifully) and yeah I agree - I think as addicts we construct all these rituals and obsessions to keep the fear/pain/anxiety at bay. I felt so odd this last summer post-methadone (felt like I was losing my mind) because I was unprepared for life without the buffer I'd used all my adult life. For a while I thought I may need ECT to reset my brain or something! Building a routine helps, which had always seemed overwhelming before. ADs certainly have been a lifesaver (didn't trust them before).

I knew a woman who was discharged from drug services because she had so many other mental health problems all co-existing together. They didn't feel they had enough expertise to treat her and may do more damage/that she may die while under their care. Thankfully a place was found somewhere else that would agree to treat her (after spending several months left to cope alone with it all).

Thanks so much for answering all the questions. Your intelligence shines through and your writing style is wonderful. All the best for the rest of your life.

I hope you get to volunteer soon as you’ll be amazing. Even reading this thread I can tell you’ve a lot of wisdom and help to give.

Nothing to ask but I love these threads because it’s nice to see ppl can turn their Lives around.

No questions but just want to say a massive well done OP.

For you OP

My oldest friend was addicted to heroin, crack and valium at the time of her death. We'd been friends since childhood. She never received (or sought out) help to come to terms with her trauma, and took her own life at 32. We hadn't spoken for months because she'd turned on me as I wouldn't give her money. She'd be in her late 40's now.

Just wanted to echo the other posters and say a massive well done OP. What a huge achievement. I also wanted to say on the note of trauma, I'm not sure if you're aware of his work but Dr Gabor Mate is an amazing expert on addiction and trauma. His book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts depicts the trauma addiction link so well. I genuinely believe it should be read by everyone, not just those in the field, so that society as a whole can gain more understanding, and more importantly, empathy for the addict. Best of luck for the future OP x

I've no questions, just a hug and a pat on the back for you.

I'm a recovering alcoholic with quite a few years of sobriety. Well done indeed.