CorianderQueen I don't really want to sound like an ad for heroin, but it was the best thing I'd ever felt. All insecurities, anxieties and hang-ups melted away, they used to sell the stuff as a panacea in days gone by, sold as some sort of "health tonic". It took me a long time to realise that this stuff was not my friend.
Frequency, I'm sorry you've lost people too. If only people knew that getting clean is more attainable than we realise, but it seems impossible when you're entrenched in it. Replacing addiction - I could so easily replace it with food (have done before) but I channel all that need into being as fit/healthy as I can. One of the things I liked about heroin is that it made my body a more comfy place to be and I realised I can achieve that by building muscle etc. I'm not a sport-billy or anything though! I did become alcohol addicted for a number of years (concurrent with the methadone) and yes, I'd agree that many cross addict to alcohol.
Not physically addicted from 1st use Suzi888, that takes weeks/months, but I couldn't wait to get some more - the difference being I wouldn't have felt unwell without it at that point. Heroin doesn't give any hangover-like effects. I think I slept for 16 hours after first use!
Hi Understand123, yay another recovering addict! I'm sure you've been through a lot too, I think we're all attempting to medicate pain/trauma away. The highest dose I was ever prescribed was 80ml, but didn't want to get comfy with that large amount, so reduced down to 30ml in the first year. I then stayed on that dose for 10 years(!) I think I'd have tackled it sooner, but my dh died around that time and everything seemed a bit pointless for a while.
I've spoken about treatment services a bit upthread yelyah22, I am particularly fond of my keyworker, and she was instrumental in my recovery. Prior to her I'd been extremely resistant to coming off methadone, but she helped me to see I could take it in lots of tiny steps, which made it seem more attainable to me. I pretty much owe that wonderful woman my life.
Trauma, definitely gypsywater. My own parents were abusive in some quite horrible and disgusting ways, I then went on to choose abusive/violent men over and over again. The drug allows you to live with the trauma, but it's all still there when you put the drug down. I have nothing to do with my surviving parent cptartapp because of the above.
You've all been so nice with your encouraging words, it's very much appreciated, thank you for the well-wishes as well as the Qs.