I'm an ex drug addict

[liani]

I've been clean for almost 3 years and I'm mother to a two year old. Used to live for the next party, broke into houses, was hospitalised, suicide attempts. It was all very chaotic.

Always told that I have "good stories" and need something to pass the time.

Ask away!

Nothing to ask atm, but well done. You are so strong.

StillSmallVoice

Thank you so much.

How did you get started?

Well done on 3 years. Which drugs?

Who did you hurt the most?

What drove you to get clean, how did you do it, and how did it feel.?

Well done on you 3 years!
What was the moment/incident that made you give up drugs?

How did you stop?

Do you worry what damage might be done?(heart etc)

Do you know how much money you spent?

Do you regret it?

Thank you.

Was it pregnancy which made you stop?

As a parent, what can I do to stop my children becoming addicted?

How did you get started?

I started by smoking weed in high school and then decided that MDMA pills weren't much of a step up. I started taking them and lived it, I then became open to taking pretty much anything else.

Well done on 3 years. Which drugs?

Thank you. I was addicted to cocaine but would also use MDMA, ketamine, m kat, oxycodone, xanax, diazepam and codeine. I think that's all of them.

Who did you hurt the most?

My parents, but without them knowing, if that makes sense? They still have no idea how I used to be, but the way I behaved sometimes definitely hurt them.

Can I ask for your best high, lowest high, best memory and worst piease?

Reading your list, do you mind me asking what put you off trying Heroin?

Did you ever smoke or inject the cocaine (crack?)

Thank you.

Well done for being clean

How often were you doing all those, coke in particular? What prompted you to stop? Do you ever get tempted to do it again?

What drove you to get clean, how did you do it, and how did it feel.?

I just decided that enough was enough, I hadn't been enjoying it for a while and knew that I was just doing it for the sake of it. I felt dreadful 24/7 and had no money. I just wanted to live a normal life and not feel constantly emotionally and physically ruined.

I also started to become more aware of those around me and saw what drugs were doing to them too.

I mostly did it myself, I had meetings every two weeks for support but no rehab or anything like that. I got rid of my phone, stayed in my bedroom for what must've been a couple of weeks. It was really, really hard. It was painful too and at points I felt really unwell, but after two weeks I had definitely turned a corner.

Thanks op and well done..,that’s impressive ☺️

Is it true there is nothing really a family can do to help an addict stop - they firstly need to want to stop for themselves? What was your turning point?

Brother has been a cocaine addict for 10 years +. We've done everything to help him and he's done some awful things to myself and my parents although my parents are still in contact with him even though he is now in prison.

Well done on you 3 years!
What was the moment/incident that made you give up drugs?

Thank you! I'm really proud of myself.

I can't pin it on a specific moment or incident, it was more an accumulation of things. Two incidents that stick out to me, though.

My friends and I had been taking drugs in a house we'd broken into, we'd been there for a good few days. We had a bottle of rosé wine for breakfast and I was sat there with my drink, watching my friend doing a line and I just felt sick to my stomach. This was about 10am on a week day.

It was such a minor moment compared so so many others, and wasn't unusual but it really felt like a wake up call. I stopped not too long after that.

Do you worry about relapsing?

Do you worry what damage might be done?(heart etc)

Yes. I have a liver condition and have done since I was 11 and I definitely worsened it, it causes me more pain than it used to. I was also hospitalised at one point.

My hand also tenses up sometimes after an incident one night.

Apart from that, I'm not too worried about physical damage as I wasn't actually taking drugs for that long in the grand scheme of things, probably for about 1.5 years.

It had damaged my mental health much more.

Do you know how much money you spent?

I don't, but not an awful lot. A lot of it was for free or paid for by friends.

Do you regret it?

I definitely do, and I regret the way I used to behave.

Was it pregnancy which made you stop?

No. Luckily, I stopped around a month or so before I became pregnant.

As a parent, what can I do to stop my children becoming addicted?

I'm not sure, honestly, not a lot. My parents always warned me about the dangers of drugs, I knew that they would be furious if they knew I had taken them. They were and are very anti-drugs.

I listened to every drug talk in school. I knew the risks, I knew it was stupid and I did it anyway.

I think the best thing you can do is try to have an open dialogue with your kids about drugs, I wish that I'd have told my parents so that they could've helped me, but I was too scared.

I want my son to feel that he can tell me if he has done drugs, that way I can try and nip it in the bud.

I'm sorry but I don't have much advice as I feel that my parents did most things right in terms of drugs, as did school. I just didnt care, which was the same for a lot of people I know.

You've done brilliant, keep up the good work 👍

How did you know you had crossed the line from it being something you did to be social, to a problem that needed to be tackled.

Well done. My son is 20 and he had serious addiction to cocaine. He went into rehab last year. He came home in March too early because of covid. He's been clean a year now. Every parents nightmare.

Can I ask for your best high, lowest high, best memory and worst piease?

My best high was probably the first time I ever took MDMA. I was at my friend's flat and there was 5 of us, all people I really trusted.

I felt like I was in heaven, music sounded incredible, everything felt like touching clouds. There was a warm feeling in my chest/stomach. I felt so connected to everyone and loved everything. Any form of affection feels orgasmic. The trips were pleasant too.

We laughed, talked and danced all night and then smoked some weed in the early hours which induced trips.

My first trip was seeing Mo Farah running across a lake in the condensation on the window.

Lowest high was probably when I was hospitalised, I did a line and it just tipped me over the edge. I felt like I was going to die. I felt high but it wasn't pleasant at all.

Best memory, I really don't know. The night above is up there. I had loads of really, really fun night and some really fun parties. I loved my friends and we did have a good laugh, everything was always so funny.

A funny/good memory is my friend and I both tripping that her grey handbag was a greyhound puppy. We put it on a lead and tried to walk in. I feel absolutely ridiculous typing that, but at the time it was peak comedy for us. Waking up in the morning and realising Greg the greyhound puppy was actually a Riverisland bad was hilarious.

Worst memory was 100000% a bad trip I had when at a friend's house. I spent 12 hours absolutely convinced the devil was punishing me for something I had done in a past life. I was screaming and shouting. Could not stop crying. I thought all my friends were in on it. I suffer from PTSD from that night and still deal with it every day.