I'm an ex drug addict

[liani]

I've been clean for almost 3 years and I'm mother to a two year old. Used to live for the next party, broke into houses, was hospitalised, suicide attempts. It was all very chaotic.

Always told that I have "good stories" and need something to pass the time.

Ask away!

*Reading your list, do you mind me asking what put you off trying Heroin?

Did you ever smoke or inject the cocaine (crack?)*

Thank you. The thought of heroin tempted me, but equally terrified me. I was never in a position to get heroin, I wouldn't even know where to buy it. I've never seen anyone do it.

I smoked ketamine (not a usual thing to do) but that's it. I considered crack many times but it just never happened, I don't really know why.

I think that I also thought I wasn't "bad" because I wasn't doing those "hard" drugs. Not doing crack and heroin made me feel better about my problem.

How often were you doing all those, coke in particular? What prompted you to stop? Do you ever get tempted to do it again?

Coke every day, sometimes I'd miss a day or two but that was never through choice. I would mostly spend those days crying.

Other drugs, every week. It varied from two to three times a week, to five or six. I would take Xanax a lot in order to get some sleep.

I've answered above about what prompted me to stop.

I used to get really tempted, a lot of my friends still recreationally take drugs and I used to have to stay home at the weekend as I knew I'd relapse if I was around it. But now I am about to be around it and control myself.

Internally, I do find it difficult watching people sniff coke but nowhere near as hard as it used to.

When I'm having a bad day, I can get really tempted. But I know that I will never do it again, I'm past that now.

How did the burglaries come into it?

Will you still socialise/associate with your friends that you took drugs with?

Thank you.

*Is it true there is nothing really a family can do to help an addict stop - they firstly need to want to stop for themselves? What was your turning point?

Brother has been a cocaine addict for 10 years +. We've done everything to help him and he's done some awful things to myself and my parents although my parents are still in contact with him even though he is now in prison.*

I'm so sorry about your brother, it must be terrible for you. I hope he does manage to turn things around, perhaps being in prison will help him squash his addiction?

I believe that to be true to a degree, one definitely needs to want to stop for themselves. Nothing that anyone else says will make a difference. It makes you selfish.

However, I do believe that people can want to stop for themselves as a result of realising what they are doing to those around them. But I know that isn't common.

On the most part, my experience with addicts have been that unless they truly want to stop, they are not going to stop. Family can offer support but begging them to change is a waste of time.

Well done. That can't have been easy.

Do you worry about relapsing?

I used to but not anymore. The thought used to keep me up at night, but I am 100% confident that I will never relapse now.

How did you know you had crossed the line from it being something you did to be social, to a problem that needed to be tackled.

I remember the exact moment, I had got home (my parents' house) from a party where I had been given a lot of free cocaine. I was sat wide awake, in tears because I wanted more so badly.

I was planning to steal my dad's cad to get a taxi back to the party and to buy more. The only reason I didn't is because a friend picked me up instead. I took drugs almost every day from then.

Well done. My son is 20 and he had serious addiction to cocaine. He went into rehab last year. He came home in March too early because of covid. He's been clean a year now. Every parents nightmare.

Thank you. Well done to your son, he's done a really hard thing. Making that one year mark is a huge achievement.

I genuinely cannot even begin to imagine what he's been like for you as a parent. Well done to you too for making it through!

How did the burglaries come into it?

We usually didn't have anywhere to take drugs apart from on the streets, so we would break into empty looking houses to take drugs and hang out.

Two of which were vacant properties that my father owns. I feel terrible about this, I have lost a lot of sleep over it.

Will you still socialise/associate with your friends that you took drugs with?

I still associate/socialise with almost all of them. I had a break from my closest friends that I took the most drugs with, which we all agreed on.

It was best for all of us. Some still take drugs, but not the way they used to. A lot of us are off them completely.

Can I ask what your social circumstances are/ were? If you broke into places to take drugs because you had nowhere else to go, I'm assuming you are quite young?

Can I ask what your social circumstances are/ were? If you broke into places to take drugs because you had nowhere else to go, I'm assuming you are quite young?

I'm 21 next month, so was very young. I first took drugs at 16, but it was recreational at that point. I lived with my mum, dad and younger sister.

I live alone with my son now.

@liani

*Is it true there is nothing really a family can do to help an addict stop - they firstly need to want to stop for themselves? What was your turning point?

Brother has been a cocaine addict for 10 years +. We've done everything to help him and he's done some awful things to myself and my parents although my parents are still in contact with him even though he is now in prison.*

I'm so sorry about your brother, it must be terrible for you. I hope he does manage to turn things around, perhaps being in prison will help him squash his addiction?

I believe that to be true to a degree, one definitely needs to want to stop for themselves. Nothing that anyone else says will make a difference. It makes you selfish.

However, I do believe that people can want to stop for themselves as a result of realising what they are doing to those around them. But I know that isn't common.

On the most part, my experience with addicts have been that unless they truly want to stop, they are not going to stop. Family can offer support but begging them to change is a waste of time.

Thanks a lot and well done to you! You should be proud of yourself.

I'm not very hopefully he will change, I have given up on him now as he once again overstepped the mark in February and I'm finally strong enough to walk away from him without feeling guilty.

I know this question is subjective but from your experience, did you (or anyone you know who takes drugs) care what they were doing to your family? For example, my brother is remorseful and then few days later he is back to his antics. The worse he did was pawn my late grandmother's jewellery to get money for drugs. My mum had to go and buy back the jewellery and brother was apologetic, was thrown out etc etc and somehow worms his way back in with promises to changes etc and then no change. It's exhausting and I can't keep making excuses for him, he is now 31 and still the same.

Hi op, well done on turning your life around...

My question...were social services ever involved with you and your dc based on your past?

What kind of background did you have?

Did you (or anyone you know who takes drugs) care what they were doing to your family?

Walking away must be hard, but sounds like it's probably the best thing for you. 10 years is a long time to put up with that, it all sounds awful!

I didn't care what I was doing to my family, I definitely hurt them but not to the extent that many others do. I really could not have cared less at the time, I knew it was wrong but I felt no remorse. Which is really unlike me.

Now, I feel overwhelmed with guilt and would never dream of being so selfish. He might be, but you brother probably isn't sorry, or is only sorry for a moment.

My question...were social services ever involved with you and your dc based on your past?

Social services were never involved, the only support I had was pretty informal. My GP wasn't even aware.

My midwife, health visitor etc. never had any concerns. I'm lucky that my past hast affected how good of a mother I am to DS.

What kind of background did you have?

A weird upbringing. I was a young carer for my mum and my parents had a very rocky relationship, my sister and I went through some awful moments growing up, but nothing that I feel has shaped me for life.

My parents are very loving and supportive, my dad suffered with his mental health and at one point wasn't very nice, but on the most part he's been very fatherly. We have always got on fairly well too. I grew up in a village and my dad is in a well paid job and my mum was a mental health nurse before she retired through ill health.

I thought you were young and I’m glad you got off them op

Let me tell you a cautionary tale if you’re ever tempted again,

My brother was the same as you, at the same age, he took the same cocktail, but no heroin or crack, I watched the impacts, including him vomiting blood, through to him stealing, including my stuff, to buy drugs,

He then turned to dealing and was caught and jailed, he was a big dealer and it appeared in the media,

He is also six foot five and he lifted, and the night he was arrested they brought him to my fathers home where he lived, to search it. I went down and they had him hand cuffed in the hall way, guarded by two officers, I reached out to touch his arm, and said “oh what have you done” I genuinely didn’t know he dealt, and one officer jumped forward and said, don’t touch him, he’s a dangerous man.

I responded angrily don’t be so ridiculous he’s my brother. But I knew deep down he was dangerous. Violent and unpredictable. Just not with me, I just didn’t like to hear it.

When I had my daughter, I cut contact all with him, I had to for her sake, she’s now 23. But I couldn’t have her grow up round it. I’ve seen him once since she was born. I couldn’t have her witness what I witnessed, I couldn’t put her at risk. And drug addicts are always a risk.

I don’t know if he still does drugs. I know they mentally damaged him and I know he was abusing alcohol also.

His whole life, he is now 48, if he is still alive, has been ruined by drugs and the decisions he made as a young teen, led him down a route he couldn’t come back from.

Bluntness100

That's really sad, I'm sorry. Poor you and your poor brother, the rest of your family too. Drugs are so evil.

A whole life, effectively wasted. Thank you for sharing that, stories like that do really help because it is terrifying! I can't imagine being in my forties and still being controlled by drugs.

You seemed to have made the right decision by cutting him off.

Well done !! I am in awe of anyone who can do what you have done. Good luck with everything. Wishing you all good things for the future.

RubyViolet

Thank you!!

Yes, you did the right thing coming off them. As said, if you’re ever tempted remember you could be in for a life time of it, and waste any potential you had. And you’ve a child now. No child deserves to be in any environment that includes drugs.

You're exactly right. I could never, ever expose my son to that.