I waited until I was married to lose my virginity

[topspeed]

...ask me anything

@Haffdonga

Were there any times before you married when a situation with a man felt it had the potent to turn sexual between you? (i.e Were you tempted and had to actively make the choice to say no?) Or had you avoided that type of situation completely?

I hadn’t avoided the situation completely, but I was so sure I wanted to wait that I was not ever tempted.

@trashaccount

Are men in your religion expected to upkeep their virginity to the same extent that women are? Are men who don't have sex considered "unpure" (providing we're talking about the same religion here!)

Yes men should wait too

@EvieRussell

How long was your engagement?

8 months

@floofycroissant

What do you think of people who don't wait until marriage?

That's fine, I just hope they respect my choice to wait

@onedayillbeamillionairemaybe

OP just before you were about to do the deed for the first time, what part made you the most nervous?

Taking off my clothes! And seeing my husband naked too, didn't know what to expect.

I wasn't so nervous about the act (expected it to be a bit painful and uncomfortable). This was probably because we were both virgins and experiencing it together.

So, you allowed a religious doctrine to keep you in a state of total ignorance about your own sexuality and that of others till the age of 26, married someone equally inexperienced and just hoped blindly that you would be sexually compatible, then underwent months of ‘so, so painful sex’. Do you actually think this is a positive story?

Would you like your daughter to remain a virgin until marriage and endure months of painful sex with her husband?

Very interesting thread OP, and mostly respectful questions too.

I also found sex very painful at first but that's because I had extensive scarring and adhesions throughout my abdomen from endometriosis, not because I was a virgin.

Honestly talking to friends who didn't wait, it sounds like I just missed out on some shitty teenage fumbles and some pretty crap relationships. I don't regret it.

So, you allowed a religious doctrine to keep you in a state of total ignorance about your own sexuality and that of others till the age of 26, married someone equally inexperienced and just hoped blindly that you would be sexually compatible, then underwent months of ‘so, so painful sex’. Do you actually think this is a positive story

Great way to be totally disrespectful of someone who chooses a different path in life to you.

Perhaps you should take a deep look at your own issues as to why you think multiple sexual partners is somehow a superior way of living.

Not everyone needs validation from sex to ‘find themselves’.

I did too, what's your religion?

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow

So, you allowed a religious doctrine to keep you in a state of total ignorance about your own sexuality and that of others till the age of 26, married someone equally inexperienced and just hoped blindly that you would be sexually compatible, then underwent months of ‘so, so painful sex’. Do you actually think this is a positive story

Great way to be totally disrespectful of someone who chooses a different path in life to you.

Perhaps you should take a deep look at your own issues as to why you think multiple sexual partners is somehow a superior way of living.

Not everyone needs validation from sex to ‘find themselves’.

I think you’ve misunderstood both the basic point of ‘Ask Me Anything’ (not called ‘Automatically Respect My Actions’), and my post.

@Pokerfaced

So, you allowed a religious doctrine to keep you in a state of total ignorance about your own sexuality and that of others till the age of 26, married someone equally inexperienced and just hoped blindly that you would be sexually compatible, then underwent months of ‘so, so painful sex’. Do you actually think this is a positive story?

Would you like your daughter to remain a virgin until marriage and endure months of painful sex with her husband?

Isn't it actually that she chose to follow the religious principles, not at all out of ignorance but by informed choice? Then worked towards compatibility with her chosen partner.

@Pokerfaced

So, you allowed a religious doctrine to keep you in a state of total ignorance about your own sexuality and that of others till the age of 26, married someone equally inexperienced and just hoped blindly that you would be sexually compatible, then underwent months of ‘so, so painful sex’. Do you actually think this is a positive story?

Would you like your daughter to remain a virgin until marriage and endure months of painful sex with her husband?

Would you rather your daughter endures painful sex with a bunch of random strangers? What if she has a partner but isn't married to them? Is it ok to have months of painful sex with that person?

Gosh, how you two manage to miss the point, and assume I’m advocating strings of ONS? There’s a large middle ground between ‘mustn’t do the slightest sexual exploration, including of my own body, before my wedding night, after I’ve committed for life to a man I have no idea if I’m sexually compatible with’ and ‘shag anything that moves’.

And there’s often a direct correlation between mandated ignorance of your own body and sexuality and finding sex difficult or painful, because you’re going from ‘no, mustn’t, forbidden’ to ‘off you go now you’re married’.my mother’s generation had this in a strictly Catholic society where contraception was unavailable. It’s thoroughly depressing and retrograde to hear of it being ‘chosen’ by someone in their 30s.

I'm not missing the point. You seem to be suggesting that 'marriage' is the issue here. What would be the difference in 'enduring months of painful sex' with a long term partner? Someone has got to be the person you lose your virginity too.

Do you have comprehension difficulties? I’m saying, very clearly, that going from a position of ‘absolutely no sex, as extramarital sex, masturbation, sexual activity of any kind is sinful’ to ‘Go for it, it’s sacred now you’re married, even if you’re married to another virgin who is equally ignorant about his own and your sexuality/anatomy/pleasure, and sex is extremely painful for you for an extended period’ is the problem.

is your name Jane?

What religion are you? Is contraception allowed?

Thanks for the AMA OP. Why is being a virgin when you get married important in your religion?

I think there's a difference between teaching that extramarital sex is sinful and teaching that sex is something special to save for marriage. Many of my friends who were waiting for marriage ended up having sex once engaged - one said that she didn't want awkwardness on the wedding night. Another who had had sex as a teenager decided that she and her husband (a virgin) would wait until they were married. For a lot of us, sex involves an emotional component - I don't think I could do casual sex, or even sex in a longer term relationship - I'd always feel an attachment to that person and I don't want to be carrying that around with me forever.

My children I will counsel the same. That whilst some people can emotionally detach the sex from the person, not everyone can, so it's worth being a bit circumspect about who you are sleeping with. 🤷🏻‍♀️