I waited until I was married to lose my virginity

[topspeed]

...ask me anything

What is "virginity" to you? The state of not having had a penis inside your vagina? Or no sexual activity. As most of the Christians I knew when I was young seemed to regard it as the former and got up to all-sorts (way more than I ever did!).

I've never understood the whole virginity thing and no sex before marriage... Unless you're someone who ONLY believes in sexualni ntercourse for procreation it all seems a bit contrived.

Do you realise that starting a AMA thread and then disappearing is teasing us and did you do that to partners in respect of sex?

@ChristmasCantComeSoonEnough

Do you realise that starting a AMA thread and then disappearing is teasing us and did you do that to partners in respect of sex?

I shouldn't find this funny. But I laughed.

Not just me then - married almost 10 years ago, and also waited until I was married to have sex. Came from quite a traditional family (not religious) but always thought I'd 'save myself and only DTD with my husband'. Anything less than that was fine as far as I was concerned as it was non penetrative although it was a tad frustrating for my boyfriend at university! Since getting married I haven't found sex particularly exciting, even though I love my husband, so it's possible that I simply don't have a very high sex drive anyway.

Where are you?

@Bikkerly

Hi - firstly why?- secondly was it all you hoped for and do you regret waiting?

My religion. No, in all honesty, it wasn't everything I hoped for and I don't regret it.

@MagicoRomantico

How far did you go with your previous partners with regards to kidding/sexual contact etc?

Kissing was as far as I had been before I married my husband. I had kissed two other men before him.

@ScottishStottie

Was it difficult to find a partner to agree with waiting?

Not really as I am surrounded by others within the same religion who hold the same values. I have know known my husband since I was 11, we married when I was 26 and him 27.

@Solasum

Was it a disappointment?

I didn't have the highest expectations as it was the first time for us both. It's a lot better now

@MagicoRomantico

How old were you when you got married?

26

@doctorhamster

Do you worry that you might be unknowingly having really crap sex because you've got nothing to compare it to?

Very interesting point! I really enjoy sex with my husband, the thought hasn't crossed my mind.

Hope this isn’t too intrusive (and feel free to tell me if so) but... did it hurt?

Before my son was born I found penetrative sex very painful. I have a friend who, like me, waited until she was married and she said the same. She wondered if it was connected to us not having sex in our teens 🤷‍♀️

@DowntonCrabby

How old are you now?

Did your partner wait too?

I was married at 26, I'm now 35

(And yes, I did go to my GP who promised to refer me. That was 4 years ago...)

@NameChange84

If you had never married, would you have intended to die a virgin?

Possibly

@MissConductUS

I think it's great that you made a deliberate choice about it and followed through.

Thank you!

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Was it for religious reasons?

Yes it was.

I was absolutely shattered on my wedding and we DTD the next day, I have heard that it's quite common for couples to do this. Did you feel any sense of obligation on your wedding night or would you have comfortable enough say you would like to hold it off until the next day?

Can you explain what part of your religion makes you feel like you should wait until marriage? Or is it the social / cultural aspect that the people around you are religious and they wait until marriage?

@trashaccount

Do you think it was worth waiting? Did you have religious reasons? Did it socially exclude you at all? Did you ever question your worth or your attractiveness?

Always interested to hear this kind of thing. I might have done it too, had I had the self esteem and self restraint

Yes I feel it was worth waiting.

Yes, people who follow my religion should wait until marriage.

A little, but think that was just because of my religion and not the sex before marriage.

I didn’t question my worth but didn’t know if my husband would find me attractive, I was most definitely very insecure about my body in the early days.

The state of not having had a penis inside your vagina? Or no sexual activity. As most of the Christians I knew when I was young seemed to regard it as the former and got up to all-sorts (way more than I ever did!).

I went to school with quite a lot of Christian girls who were adamant that they wouldn't even kiss until they got married. I often wonder if they stuck to it.

I remember as a teenager being given a book by my church telling us that we shouldn't even be spending time with a member of the opposite sex unless there was a realistic prospect of marriage and that there should be no physical contact using hands or any other body parts (although I think a chaste kiss was fine) and no letting anyone else see your body. They advised not spending time alone and said it was absolutely forbidden to go into a room with a bed in it. I had some messed up feelings around sex.

OP was it important to your husband that you were a virgin and important to you that he was? Or if one of you had 'lapsed' (I use that term because that's how it was classed when I was growing up) could you have forgiven each other for the past and started afresh?

Don’t you think it’s somewhat peculiar that your religion — like many others — sets so much store on virginity?

@Honeybobbin

How long have you been married and do you have a fulfilling sex life now? Is it a happy marriage?

9 years. Yes very fulfilling. We have a lovely marriage and are very happy.

This is a question on the religious principles rather than your experience, I hope this is ok.
If the religion prohibits sex before marriage, what's the stance on sex by force (i.e. rape)? Would someone be considered damaged(?) if it had not been their choice before marriage?