I'm Korean, AMA

[NightsIn]

I'm a Korean mum of one. I used to live in the UK for two years.

If you have any questions about culture, life, coronavirus, education, politics, language, child rearing, food or amything else in Korea, let me know!

(I'm not really up to date with the latest music/dramas, so might not be able to answer much about that but I can try!!)

Not ignorant at all! They are very interesting!

"Other than the obvious issues/differences, what would you say the main cultural differences are between people from North Korea and South Korea?"

It's hard to say since I never met anyone from the north but a few things I know. Well first they don't use the same words we do eg for ice cream, we just use the English word but they use a Korean word, or same with computer and lots of other Engoish words. They call each other "comrade", to almost everyone, we use different terms for each person eg older brother, older sister (even for friends who are older, we use this, not just real brother.) I think their life now is like our life 60 years ago, they live quite simply but more communal style like all make kim chi together and then share. If you watch the drama "Crash Landing on You" , you can see some element of north Korea life.

"Is quality of life better in Korea compared to the UK, would you say?"

Some parts yes and some no. First, internet, ours is so fast, you can download a movie in 10 seconds. Even on top of a mountain or the subway. Second, medical care in Korea is so fast and efficient. If you need treatment you can get it the same day, for example scan or testing. And you don't need an appointment to see the doctor. Third, transport is so good. And facilities like shopping or doctor is everywhere. And if you order anything online, it comes next day.

But stress in Korea is much more. Now I'm stay at home mum but when I worked, I worked 6 days a week, 8AM to 8PM and only 4 or 5 days vacation per year. That is normal (but getting a bit better these days, we normally only work 5 days now.) And even holidays like new year or our harvest festival (Chuseok), it's not enjoyable really. It's just stress of driving on highway to meet family who just nag you about job, appearance, family, money, grades, then drive back and highway is crowded with cars so it takes a long time.

So outward things look better, but people are stressed.

"Are there still a lot of traditional villages in Korea?"

There are hanok villages which use old style houses but they are mostly for tourists. In the countryside there are small villages but not traditional house and only old people live there.

Thank you!

Thanks for answering my questions and point taken re attitudes to refugees. I think I just presumed that hardly anyone got out of North Korea so couldn't understand why there would be objections to a handful of people a year coming over the border. Sounds like the numbers are much higher than I realised and it's a big problem.

I’m interested in what you say about stress levels. What are attitudes like to mental illness? SK has pretty high suicide rates relative to other similar developed economies and I was shocked how often suicide or self-harm (eg cutting) is portrayed in high school-based dramas, particularly how matter of fact the people are in their reactions. I won’t let my sons watch high school kdramas with me for this reason. Is there stigma about getting medical or psychological help for mental health difficulties? Do closer family ties provide some degree of protection or support for people who are experiencing mental health difficulties, or does it bring shame on a family to have a relative with mental illness because family reputation is so important?

@WerkHorse Maybe it's hard to understand but we have so few opportunities for a good job in this country. Everyone is competing for same few university places, same few jobs. I know others don't understand why we don't want more competition. I just ask they don't judge.

Absolutely not judging at all. Just really curious.

@boatyardblues

Quite difficult question because I don't know how things are in other places.

It's not normal to see a doctor for mental health reasons. Even I heard they write a different code on your insurance to cover it up. But it's not something I know much about.

I'm really glad you've made this thread! Your replies are very insightful and well considered and your English is great! I hope you don't mind my questions, I have quite a few!

I found the amount of sleep children get from an example of their daily life (school, homework time, academy) really interesting. When would meals be eaten by children and do they do any hobbies/ clubs/ sports (for example arts and crafts, guides or scouts, learning a language or instrument) or would this be covered during time at the after school academy? Is it normal for children to learn English at school? Do children learn any other languages at school?

How much sleep is normal for adults? The 10 step beauty cleansing routines made it seem like lots of sleep was very important.

How important is skincare for children, teenagers and adults?

What does the ideal family and good family life look like in Korea?

Is it normal for families to go on holiday or weekend breaks? Is there anything similar to Butlins or Pontins for families? What are some popular types of holidays or trips families make?

What sort of hobbies or activities are popular for adults?

Are there any Korean beauty or skincare brands you recommend?

During lockdown in the UK some people felt that their homes were too small or they wanted a garden (if they lived in a flat) or a bigger garden. Some people are now trying to get a bigger property or one with a garden. Do you feel that the same is happening in Korea or is flat living so common that people don't feel as trapped indoors or need a garden?

Funerals, they seem to be held in a halls in hospitals almost immediately after someone's has died in dramas. Wakes (good) also held at the same place. Do these hall also provide the black suits and hanboks or fo people have these in their wardrobe and pick it up when they get the photo of the deceased? Is this a true reflection?
In the UK funerals can take weeks after death in hospitals especially if a pm needs to be done, and then one of the relatives has to make all the arrangements with all the different companies themselves.

Does everyone have a photo ready for their funeral?

Sorry, a bit of a macabre question as I've just got to the funeral bit of a drama and they all seem to follow suit.

Also, the places that house memorials and ashes for the deceased - are these popular?

Does everyone have a photo ready for their funeral?

Jisung - There’s a very funny episode in Kim’s Convenience (Canadian series about a Canadian-Korean family) where the daughter Janet’s art school friend takes a brilliant portrait of Mrs Kim As part of latest project and Mr and Mrs Kim are thrilled at the “great funeral photo”.

Linked to Jisung’s question, do most people die in hospital in SK (except for accidents, natural deaths at home etc)? In the UK, we have hospices where some terminally people are cared for at the end of their lives. For other terminally ill people, dying at home is really important to them so cancer charities will provide nursing support so people can spend their last days at home, cared for by their families with additional specialist support.

@boatyardblues

Does everyone have a photo ready for their funeral?

Jisung - There’s a very funny episode in Kim’s Convenience (Canadian series about a Canadian-Korean family) where the daughter Janet’s art school friend takes a brilliant portrait of Mrs Kim As part of latest project and Mr and Mrs Kim are thrilled at the “great funeral photo”.

Yes, I love that. It makes sense too. We struggled to find a nice photo of mum in law for her order of service. I have subsequently been taking ones of my parents and saying we need a nice one for when you die! Good job they have sense of humour!!!

@wiltingflower

Children eat lunch at school and usually just buy something between school and academy for dinner or snack, then eat at home again. Usually high school students give up hobbies unless they are extremely talented for example at piano. Everyone learns English, it is one of the parts of the high school entrance exam. We might learn some Japanese or Chinese too but English is far more important.

I don't think we sleep as much as people in the UK. Maybe 5 hours. I don't know anyone who actually follows a 10 step routine, I think that was made up marketing for the west. We keep it simple , too many products ruin your skin.

I think I answered about skincare further up. I think as with everywhere, women and teenage girls are more interested in skincare, men are less. Children, we just put some moisturizer if their skin is dry.

Good family life. Dad works at Samsung, mum is housewife, both went to Seoul university, two children who are both studying to be doctors. Live in Seoul or a nice area of Seoul suburban area (Bundang, Pangyo, Dongtan)

When I was growing up, going on holiday meant going to our grandparents house. People only had a few days per year. Now we have a little more and people go to resorts, water parks or to the beach. If you have time, Vietnam, the Philippines are also popular. I don't know what Butlins or Pontins is.

Adults don't have much time for hobbies. Older people like hiking. Normally we just meet our friends. Some men play in sports teams.

I'm not really up to date with Korean beauty trends, but Sulhwasoo is a good brand.

It is not normal for us to have a garden. If we need fresh air we go to the park. We never had a lockdown so not hard for us. Everyone lives in a small apartment, unless they are extremely rich or live in deep countryside

"
Funerals, they seem to be held in a halls in hospitals almost immediately after someone's has died in dramas. Wakes (good) also held at the same place. Do these hall also provide the black suits and hanboks or fo people have these in their wardrobe and pick it up when they get the photo of the deceased? Is this a true reflection?"

As I understand the wake is kind of party? We have the funeral and party at the same time. We don't have a service like in the UK. You just go, bow to the dead, then go and eat and drink in the next room. But party should be quiet, not excited. And yes, we start the funeral as soon as they die, usually in hospital.

Men just use a black suit they have, the hanbok comes from the funeral company I guess, no one would have one in their house so creepy...

"In the UK funerals can take weeks after death in hospitals especially if a pm needs to be done, and then one of the relatives has to make all the arrangements with all the different companies themselves.

Does everyone have a photo ready for their funeral?"

Only old or dying people. Otherwise we just use a nice photo. But we get a lot of professional photos so it's ok. But yes the old people get a nice photo done professionally.

Sorry, a bit of a macabre question as I've just got to the funeral bit of a drama and they all seem to follow suit.

"Also, the places that house memorials and ashes for the deceased - are these popular?"

I don't know what this is.

"Linked to Jisung’s question, do most people die in hospital in SK (except for accidents, natural deaths at home etc)? In the UK, we have hospices where some terminally people are cared for at the end of their lives. For other terminally ill people, dying at home is really important to them so cancer charities will provide nursing support so people can spend their last days at home, cared for by their families with additional specialist support."

I have no idea. Maybe in hospital? I don't know many dead people except old people and they all died in hospital.

Thank you for your reply about vegetarians in Korea. We used to have students stay with us and we are vegetarian. Often Korean mums would choose us for their girls as they hoped our family’s food would be less fattening than the usual Canadian food (for us this is true, though not all vegetarians).

Great thread.

What do you eat for breakfast?

"What do you eat for breakfast?"

We don't have special breakfast food. Usually we make enough soup the previous day to eat for breakfast. So just usual, rice, soup, side dishes. Sometimes my husband eats with us, if he doesn't have time, he buys kim bap or something on the way.

These days, it is becoming more normal to eat brunch at the weekend, so we have a lot of brunch cafes for pancakes, french toast and things.

"Also, the places that house memorials and ashes for the deceased - are these popular?"

I don't know what this is.

NightIn - This is usually translated as ‘columbarium’. They are the (usually modern) memorial buildings with lots of rooms of glass-fronted shelves/small units with urns containing the person’s ashes, photos and small personal items. The family members go to visit the columbarium on important anniversaries (eg death, birthdays).

I noticed that most of the cemeteries (outdoor burial sites) filmed for dramas are out of Seoul, up in the hills or mountains. Has this always been the case, as sageuk dramas often show mountain top burials (maybe just for the scenery), or have cemeteries been moved out of the city due to pressure on land for building? Or perhaps there are many cemeteries in Seoul & it is just easier to film at the out of town ones?

"Has this always been the case, as sageuk dramas often show mountain top burials (maybe just for the scenery), or have cemeteries been moved out of the city due to pressure on land for building? Or perhaps there are many cemeteries in Seoul & it is just easier to film at the out of town ones? wink"

Ah, I see. I have never been to a place with ashes so I don't know if it is common.

Yes most people are buried on a mountain. Mountain behind and stream in front is good luck (for burying and for housing). So during festivals, we go to the mountain where our ancestor is buried.

Maybe this will change in the next generation, I'm not sure.

This columbarium pops up with great frequency in kdrmas: koreandramaland.com/listings/chungah-park-columbarium/ For my first year of watching kdrama, I wondered if they were all built to a common standard. 😄

Love this thread. Spent a few days in Seoul last year and so want to go back.

My dd is teaching herself Korean - do you know any young teens (she's 14) who might like to be Penpals?

Thank you @NightsIn I'm loving this thread.

Thank you @boatyardblues I couldn't remember the name for columbarium!

I am thinking of wedding questions next! It seems the (usual) year of planning weddings in the uk is not a thing in dramas, they all happen quite quickly.
Also would love to know about blind dates and marriage! Dramas seem to indicate that theses are for the sole purpose of getting married.

Just finished the book, 'Pashinko,' - a lovely book through the generations from Japanese occupied Korea to around the 1980s. It was beautifully written and had as running theme, poverty, and other social issues.

One of the main characters, a vicar, was sent to prison, although it was never really clear the exact circumstances, but had to do with him being a Christian.

What is the view of Christianity, and other religions?

Also, it seemed that there were specific professions acceptable for women. Is this still the case now?

Lastly, how are the Japanese viewed now? I know this is a sweeping statement, but there can be a generation or two for a war to be put in the past...

"My dd is teaching herself Korean - do you know any young teens (she's 14) who might like to be Penpals?"

Most of my friends and cousins children are much younger, sorry.