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AMA

I'm Korean, AMA

276 replies

NightsIn · 15/08/2020 02:40

I'm a Korean mum of one. I used to live in the UK for two years.

If you have any questions about culture, life, coronavirus, education, politics, language, child rearing, food or amything else in Korea, let me know!

(I'm not really up to date with the latest music/dramas, so might not be able to answer much about that but I can try!!)

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JudyGemstone · 16/08/2020 10:39

What do you think about the saying that Koreans are 'the Irishmen of Asia'?

I believe it's to do with humour/personality, drinking culture and being small countries that have retained their national identifies despite being surrounded by larger colonial powers.

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 10:41

"What do you think about the saying that Koreans are 'the Irishmen of Asia'?

I believe it's to do with humour/personality, drinking culture and being small countries that have retained their national identifies despite being surrounded by larger colonial powers."

I don't know anything about Ireland. Someone once told me we were like Scotland.

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SenorPeabodyEsq · 16/08/2020 10:52

Great thread!

Are you familiar with the Korean short claymation film "Doggy Poo"? It's about a little dog poo having an existential crisis and then discovering his life's purpose.

A friend and I came across it and thought it was hilarious and wonderful:

Would this story be considered bizarre to Koreans, having a poo as a children's story character or is it sort of normal?

JudyGemstone · 16/08/2020 10:58

Also, I really enjoy Korean films, especially horror. Can you recommend any? I have seen the following and loved them!

Parasite
Train to Busan
The Wailing
The Host
The Handmaiden
Oldboy
Lady Vengeance
Burning
A Tale of Two Sisters
Thirst

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 11:50

@SenorPeabodyEsq

I haven't seen that but I will watch it later.

I realised in the UK that Koreans are much more open about poop than other countries. We even have a children's show called Farting King Bung Bung which my British friends found hilarious.

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NightsIn · 16/08/2020 11:51

@JudyGemstone

Those are all good movies! I can recommend Memories of a Murder also

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NightsIn · 16/08/2020 11:55

@JudyGemstone oh and also Kim Ji Young 1982, it's not horror but it had a big impact here.

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JudyGemstone · 16/08/2020 11:57

Thanks! I know it's film and not real from what I've seen I very much like the culture and personality of Korean people, feels very much my 'cup of tea' (to use an English phrase!).

I would love to visit some time.

SenorPeabodyEsq · 16/08/2020 12:05

I realised in the UK that Koreans are much more open about poop than other countries. We even have a children's show called Farting King Bung Bung which my British friends found hilarious.

I think you're right!

There's also the 'poop needle' Dong Chim prank I've heard of where it's not an odd thing to shove fingers up someone's bottom! Is that still a common thing for children to do to each other?

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 12:08

@SenorPeabodyEsq that is something so normal. But honestly I teach my son not to do that. I learn a lot on mumsnet about consent and things like that. I used to think it didn't matter but now I change my mind. I think it is better not to touch without permission. This is something that is not so common to think in Korea.

There is also the possibility of us moving back to the UK and I don't think my son would get away with ddong chim at school in the UK.

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leafeater · 16/08/2020 12:38

Do many Europeans come on holiday to Korea? Where would you recommend for a non city holiday to get the feel of Korea and what's the best time to come? Any amazing festival dates to try to coincide with?

ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia · 16/08/2020 13:25

Just wondering as many people of north east ancestry tend to be misidentified by Caucasians (including European Russians living in neighbouring Asia Russia etc) do you find that people in Europe recognise and understand you as Korean by first sight and not say from China, Taiwan, Hong Kong or Japan etc? Can people from European ancestry distinguish you to be Korean from your experience?

Do you believe the historical and current finely balanced political and economic relationship between mainland China, South Korea, Japan will be more harmonious going forward - just as say the British and Germany are economically and politically competitive but tend to be more cooperative and complimentary than not despite similar historical baggage. I am assuming of the three major developed advance Asian economies of China, Japan and South Korea (mainland China obviously is a mix of both rich advanced high tech and poor rural underdeveloped) that South Korea tends to be middle of the road (in an advantageous manner) and not just because of its relative geographical location but also its historical and cultural development etc. What is your South Korean perspective on this? And do you think differences will be resolved with next generations far removed form historical differences.

You must be justifiably proud of South Korean contribution to current media culture in terms of audio visual entertainment industries (including associated technology products) fashion and beauty and gastronomy with spicy, salty, sour and umami favours and eating habits! I am a big fan of Korean Banchan with numerous small bowls/plates big variety spread similar dinning concept to Hong Kong dim sum, Polynesian Hawaiian Chinese pupu platter, Japanese sushi, Scandinavian smorgasbord, Spanish tapas, Italian cicchetti, east Mediterranean meze and hotel breakfast buffet etc! Little bits of more (with portion and calorie control) variety is infinitely better than one big bowl or plate of nah! Just wondering what's the next big thing to come out of South Korea? On that note we all await the next mega Psy Gangnam Style Korean sensation! Thank you.

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 13:32

"Do many Europeans come on holiday to Korea? Where would you recommend for a non city holiday to get the feel of Korea and what's the best time to come? Any amazing festival dates to try to coincide with?"

I'm not sure about Europeans coming here, definitely more now than 10 or 20 years ago.

Definitely visit Gangwondo, lots of mountains and beaches. The best time to visit is autumn to see the leaves especially on Seoraksan and Odaesan mountains. If you like hiking, you can do overnight hikes there and sleep in a hut

Festivals, well, we have a lot, but I can't think of any right now, they were all cancelled because of the pandemic. But there are many in autumn.

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NightsIn · 16/08/2020 13:42

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

Your question is a bit hard to understand but I will try to answer.

Turkish people can recognise I am Korean. No one else. I have no idea why. Other Asians can recognise us straight away. Europeans just assume Chinese then Japanese.

I think we're about the same as Japan and a little ahead of China. But I was really impressed with certain things in China for example, ordering a taxi via app was so easy even though I can't speak Chinese. I don't think we will ever be able to resolve our differences until Japan apologise.

I don't think my generation is proud of being Korean. Maybe young people are. It's still strange to me that people have even heard of us! When I was young, that wasn't the case (maybe until we hosted world cup).

I honestly have no clue about trends, and I am confused by why BTS are more popular abroad than any of the other groups. I hope good movies like Parasite will get more recognition

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EduCated · 16/08/2020 14:35

How much does the situation with North Korea feature in day to day life? Is it something that is talked about a lot, regularly things on the news, something that everyone has opinions about that they share with others?

Or does it more fade into the background?

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 14:47

"How much does the situation with North Korea feature in day to day life? Is it something that is talked about a lot, regularly things on the news, something that everyone has opinions about that they share with others?

Or does it more fade into the background?"

Whenever the north make provocations, we just roll our eyes and carry on. Who can get excited? They're so predictable.

We talked a lot when Moon Jae In met Kim Jong Un. That was a big moment. And we often discuss about the possibility of reunifying. There was a drama set in North Korea recently and that made us discuss about some fashion and lifestyle there.

We mostly ignore them though. I think westerners are more interested than we are.

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EduCated · 16/08/2020 14:52

That makes sense, thank you Smile

timeisnotaline · 16/08/2020 15:01

Very interesting thank you op! We were talking at work about the relative Cultural differences working with Korean / jApanese/ Chinese firms and people said Korean people are much more direct than Chinese and Japanese. Would you agree with this or do you have a completely different perception? I’m in australia.

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 15:10

"Very interesting thank you op! We were talking at work about the relative Cultural differences working with Korean / jApanese/ Chinese firms and people said Korean people are much more direct than Chinese and Japanese. Would you agree with this or do you have a completely different perception? I’m in australia."

I think we're more similar to the Chinese. But the Japanese are so indirect, it's really hard to read them.

But we say a lot of things indirectly too, I realised. For example, if my friend says "that cake looks yummy", I immediately offer to buy it for her. Because we think that means "please buy me cake." I realized in the UK that sometimes we Koreans say indirectly like that but the UK don't.

On the other hand, if someone looks fat, we just say "you look fat". If someone does bad work, we say "this work is bad". In the UK, I was very confused by everyone telling friends "no no you're not fat!!!" or "your presentation was amazing" when this was not the truth. That was something I had to learn quickly, to just tell people what they want to hear. A friend was so upset when I told her her Korean accent was horrible. She'd been learning for four years and she felt really sad. But for us, it makes no sense to lie about these things.

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ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia · 16/08/2020 15:11

Just a further thought on North South Korean relations - do you being more superior in every conceivable comparative benchmark still need USA political and military support to retain the status quo and both prevent an unprovoked attack by North Korea and indeed to defend South Korea from such an attack? I assumed the South Korean military would be capable of both defence, be a deterrent but also not to provoke an attack from the north.

Do you believe North Korea has a strategic nuclear warfare advantage and would there be any likelihood of a preemptive nuclear strike from North Korea against South Korea, Japan and USA Guam etc?

This is how many (I think) view Korean peninsular politics in the West and so different from your understanding.

NightsIn · 16/08/2020 15:20

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

I can't say I've thought about it much.

The US are not just here to protect us, they want to be here. It gives them a lot of power so there is some controversy over whether we should pay or no.

North Korea are never going to attack. The only time they threaten is when they want money or food. Our government gives them some and they shut up for a bit. It's quite funny when other countries seem to think it will result in a nuclear attack.

China worry me more than NK ever will. The only reason NK would attack would be if it was an advantage to China.

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boatyardblues · 16/08/2020 17:35

NightsIn You mentioned earlier that attitudes about, or the understanding of, consent differs in SK. Can you elaborate about that a bit more, particularly how that plays out in intimate relationships/sexual offence legislation (Eg rape, sexual assault) but also whether it affects medical/healthcare situations and dynamics. Quite a while ago a SK-based poster said on our kdrama thread that consent is assumed if a woman goes back to a hotel room with a man and she cannot report a rape. In the UK, a participant can withdraw their consent for sex at any time and, in law, a man can be charged with rape if a woman consented to vaginal sex with a condom and the man removes the condom before penetrating her. (There’s currently a big scandal here about our Crown Prosecution Service - state prosecutors - covertly changing their criteria for taking a case to trial, which has meant dropping cases that are clear cut offences/rapes. So... we have very comprehensive & nuanced legislation, but crap implementation, basically poor investigation and/or ‘no crime’ outcomes applied - cases downgraded and closed inappropriately by police - and CPS only taking some cases to trial.)

NightsIn · 17/08/2020 07:20

@boatyardblues

It is quite hard to answer since it wasn't something I thought about much until recently as I started reading mumsnet more. But I became more aware of it in the UK.

The first time I ever thought about this was in the UK. I went for my smear test and the nurse said "is it ok if I start now?" and "I'm going to insert the (thing, don't know the name) now, is that ok?." That would never happen in Korea. The doctor or nurse just does whatever they need to do without asking.

Rape and consent are bigger issues these days, because of me too and especially recently the mayor of Seoul had a scandal then committed suicide. To give an example, when I was in the UK, a friend told us that she split up with her boyfriend and I asked why and she said because he tried to rape her when she was drunk. And I was so surprised and asked "how can your boyfriend rape you though?" and the others looked at me really shocked. I think until then I really never realized that is possible for boyfriend to rape his girlfriend. I just thought "well you are alone and drunk so..." That is how everyone in my generation thought.

Now we can see that younger generation (of women) thinks something different. And I am happy for them. I will teach my son he must ask and if girl is drunk he shouldn't have sex with her. But if I discuss this stuff with friends, yes, they still say "well she was drunk, she was wearing short skirt, she was in a motel so she can'tbe surprised what happens".

Incase of Seoul mayor, people really blame the woman for speaking out. They say why she speak out and ruin his reputation and life, he didn't rape her, only try to have affair. I don't know.

When someone is covicted of rape, or paedophile, or assault, their photo is displayed around neighbourhood where they live. And recently in my neighbourhood, one man had this situation and it said rape happened in a motel so I think maybe this law change? I don't know. Or girl was underage.

At my son's kindergarten, they try to make children hug sometimes if they had a fight. I saw this one time and say to director "if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to". And other mum say "oh, she says that because she lived in the west". Yes so you see from this that we think of this stuffs as a western concept.

It is very hard to ask anyone in senior position to not do something. So if my older school friend touch me, just have to accept. Yes even one year different. Even my cousin. It's so common for manager to do something bad like this. My friends and I discuss all the time "thank God we are old women and don't have to deal with this stuffs nowadays."

However. Sometimes I think western people feel we are some backward country where the women are passive and men do any thing they want to us. But I saw things in the UK that shocked me. For example, in a club, the women expect to be groped and touched by male customers. If I shout to the guy don't do that, my friends tell me to calm down and not make a scene. In Korea, no. My friends are going to support me and hit him and call him trash and ask him to leave. If a man in the street say to me something in Korea, the people around are going to ask him why he bothers me, does he know me, why does he do this? The older women especially, they are going to support me. It happened to me before, the man say something and a grandmother is cussing him and then walk with me to station. In the UK, everyone just look at ground, oh nothing happens, it's ok, so normal. And it happened in Korea to me maybe one or two times. In the UK, almost every week.

Sometimes the west think we need to catch up to them. But it's not that. We have our own path. We are not behind the west. We can't copy the west because our culture is too different. And in some things, the west need to change too.

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SenorPeabodyEsq · 17/08/2020 08:14

Your replies are so interesting and thoughtful, thank you.

Londonalf · 17/08/2020 11:03

This is so interesting!

Sorry if my questions seem ignorant, i've always been so curious about culture and especially in Asia.

Other than the obvious issues/differences, what would you say the main cultural differences are between people from North Korea and South Korea?

Is quality of life better in Korea compared to the UK, would you say?

Are there still a lot of traditional villages in Korea?

Again sorry if any of the above seems ignorant, genuinely wanting to learn.