I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

@StamfordHill my DH went to lubavitch junior boys school and he said parts of it were accurate. But he was also very traumatized by his experiences there. But yes its very different from the orthodox jews i used to live with (DH's family). All Orthodox Jewish girls I know go to university and get careers. The only difference is that they get married younger and have kids younger. And I have never experienced that kind of pestering to have a baby as portrayed in the show (DH and I have been married for 5 years and we also met older childless couples and no one seemed to give them a hard time either).

@villainousbroodmare I feel like I can answer this from living with an orthodox family for 3 years and being a convert (liberal) myself. My mother in law raised 4 children and she worked from home. This isn't representative, amongst her friends, she has doctors, lawyers who combined raising anything from 3-6 children with fulfilling careers. A particularly challenging time is before the sabbath because the sabbath meal as well as food for the next 24 hours have to be prepared (as you can't cook during shabbat). Given that the shabbat meal is the nicest meal in the whole week, i would say that the workload is the equivalent of hosting a christmas dinner every friday (as religious jews often have guests). And as a working woman, you need to get leave for all the religious festivals (I find that quite difficult sometimes because you don't want your colleagues to think you are slacking but unfortunately many of the festivals are concentrated around september). But a silver lining is that I find that Jewish men are generally very good at helping around the house (this includes my DH). As they were raised in household with many children, they were raised from a young age to pull their weight. If you walk around golders green, you see many men alone with their young children,they take them out so their mothers can get a breather. on Mumsnet, esp in the relationships section, you get a lot of complaints about how husbands don't help out with the kids, they just watch sports all day long etc etc. this is probably a gross generalization, but I hardly hear such complaints about Jewish husbands. I think it is because a Jewish man is valued in his community not for his masculinity but he is respected for his scholarship, education, his children's education and how well he provides for his family (this includes helping his wife!)

Hi another orthodox Jewish woman popping on (if that's OK op?). The word we use for someone who is religiously observant and tries to keep the law is frum. I cover with a wig or scarf or hat(all hair tucked fully in) depending on what I fancy and definitely don't shave my head. I only know of one community who shave their heads.

I have a degree personally although not so many of my friends do.

There is definitely cultural and peer pressure to have children, but as someone said the obligation is purely on the men not the women. To me that makes sense because the physical risk of having children is completely borne by women so it is right that they cannot and should not be obligated to do it.

If a child was injured and a fracture suspected on shabbos we would definitely violate the shabbos for the child! Where I am we would call hatzola (local Jewish paramedics) simply because they are local and on the scene in minutes and are properly trained. I have called ambulances and hatzola before on shabbos and gone into hospital where needed. Judaism places life above almost all else and saving a life is one of the biggest mitzvas.

I don't find using the name Cohen to be cultural appropriation I'd just find it odd! It's a title/surname.

StamfordHill, we wouldn't name a child Cohen, but would you consider it offensive or appropriative if a non-Jew did?

PikesPeaked and Elladisenchanted glad to hear it!
Blanching at the idea of a Christmas dinner-level of cooking every Friday. And the shopping, worse! Is it difficult to keep a kosher kitchen? Would you forever be picking up the wrong knife and dropping it in the wrong sink? I suppose it becomes very instinctive?

What is kosher salt? And why do recipes call for it particularly (thinking of the Barefoot Contessa and others).

Keeping kosher becomes totally instinctive. I’m not very kosher (don’t keep separate plates or anything ) but I was brought up to do so and it would never cross my mind to fry meat in butter or put a cheese/cream sauce on it.

Kosher salt is flakes or rock salt - it’s an Americanism that describes the shape of the flakes not them being kosher - but you get less salt by weight In a volume measure (cup/spoon) if it’s larger crystals Than with table salt.

@villainousbroodmare My mother in law is pescetarian for a very good reason, its lots easier cos you don't need to worry about the meat and milk mixing. Thats one of the reasons Israel is one of the best countries for vegetarians (and vegans!) and Israeli brands like Osem do excellent vegetarian sausages and schnitzels like tivall sausages (you can get them on ocado).

Kosher salt isn't actually 'kosher', because salt has no kosher/non-kosher status. We used to call it 'koshering salt', because it is used to make certain meats kosher by drawing out any residual blood. It is coarser than table salt.

Recipes may call for kosher salt because it is 100% pure salt, unlike table salt, which generally has anti-caking additives added, and sometimes minerals like iodine, too.

Oh thats good to know!

I work with lots of orthodox families in North London. I have a question which I hope isnt offensive. The young families I work with are incredible I have never met such relaxed mums they just instinctively seem to take their 5th, 6th or even 7th baby in their stride. My question is, does the Jewish community in general help them with housing etc? North London is not cheap and the husbands are generally religious students. Would their housing be paid for by their local Community. If it was a church Id say Parish but Im not sure what the word is. What do the husbands study to become? Does it ever end the studying?

I think its fab that the mums seem to have their own support one of them told me theres even a place in the country where they can go for afew weeks to recover.

Do you use lots of Yiddish words in everyday speech?

@villainousbroodmare I do keep a strictly kosher kitchen. To be honest when you grow up with it it just becomes instinctive. There have been times we have used the wrong thing usually cos it got caught up in another drawer etc but it's fine. Some people bury it in this incidence. We just shrug and carry on. Doesn't happen often though.

@PikesPeaked I would find it weird and kind of funny but not offensive. I've heard weirder names.

@Elladisenchanted go for it. I started this to help eduxate people and had a hard time keeping up with the questions as was busy at work today. If other people want to jump on and help then feel free :)

I love this thread. I worked for a Jewish lady for 10 years and I developed a real love for the sense of community and family. And the egg & onion and liver.
Was a really happy work time for me.

@EachandEveryone where I live in North London I think it's a mix of council housing and property passed down through families.

@HavartitoMeetYou you summarised it perfectly regarding the conflict. People who don't know me like to blame me as a Jewish person for the situation but I don't blame them for their country/religion's faults.

Yes passed through families would make sense. I believe there are special loans to help get on the ladder as well.

It is totally antithetical to Judaism to inflict harm on someone in order to observe a rule.

This is interesting to me. Could someone decline to circumcise their healthy newborn on that basis? What would be the reaction?

I heard that babies who are unwell need not be circumcised on the expected day, or only a pinprick of blood is taken. Is that correct?

This thread has been fantastic. Thank you.

@EachandEveryone historically, a rich man would sponsor his son in law who was a promising scholar to devote his life to study full time. This is viewed as the pinnacle. all Jews (not just chasidic) believe that study of Torah and the Jewish texts is a mitzvah (commandment). I do identity with this ethos in a way; in the secular world, there is an emphasis on studying for the sake of a certain end as if education only had vocational purposes. However, Judaism prizes learning for learning's sake and questioning relentlessly. When I pray, I always kiss my siddur (or prayer book) because I believe that the knowledge and words within are sacred. Books are sacred to Jews and when you look at Rightmove, you can always identify the Jewish homes from the number of books on the shelves. There is no 'end to Torah study', the commandment is to go and learn!

However, it is the Chasidic community where it's common today for men to learn full time. Girls prize men who learn full time.

Also re your question on Jewish real estate, it was very hard for me to buy my 2 bed flat in Finchley, my DH has no inheritance. His mother bought a house in North london too, she had 3 children in a 1 bed flat for years before she could afford to upgrade. I think that yes there is inheritance and council housing but most frum Jews are just like the rest of us, they work and save. However , there are less options compared to Brits, we can't just move to the countryside. Outside London there are only a few options- Borehamwood, Southend on Sea, Manchester and Canvey island (if you are satmar).

By Brits, I meant non Jews.

I keep strictly kosher. I have 1 normal size dishwasher and another mini one, which is hugely helpful when making shabbos every week as we cook a lot from scratch. I only have one sink which is genuinely difficult when keeping kosher and I have two different washing up bowls that I switch in and out of the sink all the time. I have double pots and pans, plates and cutlery. (milk set and meat set). I have one oven but I go through a cleaning process between using it for milk or meat. I bake challah most weeks (enough for 6 very large 6 strand plaited loaves plus extra for my kids to make their own - my challah dough uses 14 cups of flour).

My typical shabbos meals looks like this : we have challah, then liver and egg, then homemade chicken soup, lokshen and knaidlech, (knaidlech is a new thing for me), then usually chicken and kugel /roasted potatoes and hot veg and then I make non dairy ice cream. That's Friday night. Shabbos lunch is usually challah, gefilte fish and chrayne and mayo, egg, sometimes dips, salad, then sliced deli meats (on separate plates and cutlery to the fish course because we don't mix fish and meat even though I eat them in the same meal) and then cholent and left over kugel and dessert. Then we have another meal later called shaleshudus which is usually challah and dips, cheese tuna, fish balls, spreads etc.

Cooking for shabbos takes hours and most people start Thursday night and batch cook as well. This is a typical shabbos for us but I genuinely cook half of what my friends and family cook.

Nowadays there are a lot of delis and takeout places so I don't have to bake or cook if I don't want. Eg I bought challa for about 1.5 years when I was pregnant and post natal with my baby. There's no judgement at all about cooking or buying in, but buying the food ready made is more expensive!

Regarding buying a house, I don't personally know of community help to buy a house - would be lovely! There is a huge amount of help in other areas though. We have something called gemach - basically if you have things or help to offer in particular areas you set up a gemach. For example there are wedding dress gemachs - my dress when I got married was from a gemach I just paid to have it altered and cleaned for the next bride. Gemach pages in local advertisers can be several pages. There are gemachs for things like breast pumps and sterilisers, hospital type equipment, fridges and freezers for people making events, folding tables and chairs, Baby equipment, bridesmaid and page boy outfit gemachs, all the decorating stuff for events etc you name it there is probably someone who can help you out. There is definitely a lot of pulling together as a community. For example it's the norm for friends and family to make a rota for meals for about 2 weeks post baby,including shabbos meals. There are organisations to support and help with birth, with death, even one for just general life situations like being broken down!

I think the generous communal side of the community was missed in unorthodox. Obviously as I'm not satmar I can't comment personally for the community, but I know just now in NY they were looking for plasma donors and thousands of chasidic Jews immediately signed up.

We don't do a bris on the 8th day (circumsion) unless the baby is in perfect health. Jaundice is a very very common reason for the bris being delayed.

I've never heard of anyone declining to do a bris on that basis quillink. It would probably be seen as taking one halacha (law) out of context and twisting it to justify your own personal opinion I guess?

I say I'm Celtic, cos.my mum was Welsh, and my father Irish (southern). I was born in England, so am English by birth, Celtic by ancestry, but Pentacostal in belief! Altho, I do appreciate Celtic Christianity ...wonky about using earth resources to teach about "god".

I personally think of Jewish as a belief, and Israeli (like british) as a location, and judaeh as a people (like Celtic) People can become Jewish but you can't become a nation!

That's my understanding, as badly I put it.

A question ...
Are there multiple cups in a traditional passover, with each having a particular meaning?

Imask, cos in Christian teaching, some have said this, and that a particular cup was used when Christ said ... Whoever drinks of THIS cup..........

I'm not satmar I can't comment personally for the community, but I know just now in NY they were looking for plasma donors and thousands of chasidic Jews immediately signed up.

I was just discussing this with a colleague at Mount Sinai hospital, where the main convalescent plasma program in the area is located. The response was tremendous and very much appreciated.

@stamfordhill
I have friend who is orthodox Jewish (Golders Green). She is a novelist of around 20 books, aimed at the young adult market. The setting is always orthodox Judaism, but the plots could apply anywhere. Her stories are page turners. However, most paragraphs are interspersed with yiddishms, which makes you stop and have to think, I asked her to provide a glossary or explain in the text.

I liked that, as an orthodox Christian, her novels are clean and wholesome, so happy to recommend to my children.