I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

Gosh that’s fascinating, is that common practice then in the UK to have a non-Jewish person come to your home and put your heating on etc?

I'm a non-Jewish New Yorker, and it's not unknown here. I can't say if it's a common practice in the UK.

My parents were also anthropologists and had Jewish friends who explained all the customs to us as children. I am German and I feel a huge sense of sadness at everything that was lost in the shoa, all the Jewish culture that was part and parcel of Germany. Actually not sure I have a question, it's just I feel so bad about it all still, and I am always worried that Jewish or Israeli people won't like me because I'm German. Is that silly?

Tootletum, you are not responsible for what previous generations of Germans did.

I would not judge you for that. It is what you do that matters.

The mezuzah is that inside every door of the house, sitting room, kitchen or just the front door? If it's in every room of house do you have to do it each time you go into each room?
TV and internet seems to be frowned upon in Shtisel, is this just within ultra orthodox communities?
He has been engaged twice, would this be frowned upon? If someone wasn't to get married would they be seen as an outcast (can't think of the right word!)?
I'm presuming sex outside of marriage is a huge no no?

@TentinQuarantino shabbos goy is hugely frowned upon. Yes if we have close relationships with orthodox jews, non jews and non orthodox jews would volunteer to do certain stuff without being asked but orthodox Jews would never ask directly. Like if my MIL forgot to switch on oven, I would switch it on if I am there.

Lights are on a timer. You can set heating too. Or a really simple thing- leave your dining room and living room light on, bedroom light off. Bathroom lights are always on, in fact, never switch off the toilet light in an orthodox household on a friday night.

@ShoppingBasket sex outside marriage is a no no.

@tentinquarantino i set everything before shabbos and use timers where possible. Food is pre cooked and heated before and put in a warming trolley. Some people use a hot plate. I don't have my lights on a timer so toilet light stays on as does kitchen and hallways. Heating is controlled by thermostat so that doesn't need adjusting. Not daft quesrionss at all! There are loads of different solutions and methods. Over pesach (passover) we had what is called a Three day yom tov, where two days of pesach wnet straight into shabbos. So three days straight of not turning electrical things on and off although on yom tov you can cook (but not turn on oven or hob) we get creative with 7 day timers and other things! A shabbos goy would be where you'd ask a friendly neighbour to sort something out if something went wrong in shabbos. Eg the toilet light was knocked off and it was dark. They could put it on for you. I haven't asked anyone in years but if I remember right you can't ask directly either, you have to hint. Not really something I've had to rely on recently thank Gd because I feel like a nutcase when I do!

@missconductus out of interest where in USA do you mean? My friends are mainly in New York/ new Jersey and tend to do similar to here and preset everything.

@tootletum I second what @pikespeaked said : you are not responsible for the actions of Germany 75 years ago. And besides there were righteous gentiles amongst the Germans in the Holocaust too, famously Oskar Schindler for example.

@shoppingbasket the mezuza is on the lintel of every door frame inside the house except the toilet and bathroom. We actually have one on the garage too as it's a proper brick built room. You don't have to kiss it when you go in and out. It's a custom not a law and more done when you go in and out of the house really than within the house.

In ultra orthodox circles TV is a huge no no, but the Internet is much more common. Some people use very heavy filters to make sure it is clean and appropriate. (like serious heavy duty child filters). A lot of people in those circles have the old fashioned Internet free phones. I have to say the battery life on them is amazing!

So I haven't seen shtisel. I watched one episode and got bored but if he was the one to break off the engagement twice then yes girls would be leery of him. To make that commitment twice and not go through with it would be a bug red flag. I guess the equivalent would be a guy who divorced twice.

No, unmarried people are not social outcasts at all and are as much a part of the community as everyone else. However our lifestyle is very family based and I think that can be very hard for single people.

Sex outside of marriage is a big taboo. We don't have physical contact between the sexes outside of immediate family. I did not touch my husband until our wedding day.

We went to a rabbi's house and noted that all the doors had rolled up scrolls within plastic casing. I saw the scrolls had what I assumed was Hebrew writing on them. What are these and why are they used? I'd have asked the Rabbi myself but he was a man of very few words and quite abrupt so I didn't dare!

Also, why do some Jewish people keep to themselves? I'd like to think I'm quite friendly but whenever I've come across someone visibly Jewish, they don't want to make conversation beyond the essential! I'm hoping it's not me!

Sex outside of marriage is a big taboo. We don't have physical contact between the sexes outside of immediate family. I did not touch my husband until our wedding day.

Do you think younger generations will adhere to this? How much of your single, adult life was restricted by this?

Am of similar (non Jewish ) background so asking out of interest x

@Elladisenchanted - I didn't mean to imply that Jewish families routinely kept goys on standby to run about and do every little thing for them. I'm sure they preset and prepare everything as much as humanly possible and my admittedly limited understanding of the custom was that it was a "break glass in case of emergency" type of thing.

I also don't think there's anything geographically specific about it. I grew up and still live in the NY Hudson Valley/Hudson Highlands area so my exposure to Jewish culture and practices is in that region.

I truly didn't mean to cause offense by mentioning it. I've had lovely frum neighbors. If I could help them by turning on a light or turning off a stove during shabbos I would do so quite happily. I would see it as a mitzvah actually.

Would a Jewish butcher find it weird if a Muslim came in for kosher meat?

What's going on with Muslims and Jews?
I think mainly the Israel-Palestine conflict and a little bit of sibling rivalry.

Very well put.

Is the membership to the synagogue monthly or yearly?

Membership costs*

@titnomatani yearly. I pay monthly though through direct debit. As we are below 30, me and hubby is £300 per annum

@titnomatani those would be the mezuzas. Specific verses are written there from the Torah including an important prayer called the shema. It fulfills a commandment to put these verses on your door post. It is also consider a protection over the home.

It's not you tito, Jews can be wary of socialising outside the community.

@missconductus no offense was taken at all! I was just curious if it was something that was done where you were as I got the wrong end of the stick and thought you were saying people were employing non Jews to be a shabbos goy. Break the glass in an emergency is such a perfect way of putting it btw - that's exactly how it is!

@titnomatani I don't know! They probably wouldn't find it weird as kosher meat if I remember right can be eaten by Muslims. Happy to be corrected if I've got it wrong.

@Elladisenchanted it's very interesting TV is a bigger no no than internet. My MIL is very anti TV too but I never knew it was religious. I thought it was more middle class actually- wanting your child to read and use his imagination rather than staring at a telly all day long. But she is ok with telly on the internet..

I would have thought internet is far worse even it is way more useful than TV. Cos you can access some pretty hard core stuff on the internet but with the telly it's less likely. Though I suppose internet is quite important for education/work.

Thanks ladies, another one.. please note that I do not mean to offend with this one but am genuinely curious...

I work within education and come across people from all walks of life. While I have noticed many things about people from certain backgrounds, I've also noted the following about visibly/vocally Jewish people: an air of defensiveness- parents and teenagers are quite standoffish when they first meet me (I'm very visibly non Jewish!), some of them talk to me/treat me as if they know more than me (I'd often meet them within a professional setting as a professional!) and can come across as arrogant. I admire the confidence they have in themselves but I must admit, it doesn't make me endear to them very easily! Do Jewish family raise their children to be massively confident in themselves/have a mistrust in 'outsiders'?

Another one: how come Jewish people are so cultured- the arts for example have been dominated by Jews for centuries! How does this fit in with the Jewish commandments.

Also, are all Jewish frugal?

Apologies if I come across judgemental but I've always wondered certain things and because I don't have Jewish friends, I feel this thread is a safe place for me to ask.

And, I've been the recipient of racism all my life so I'm thinking any less of Jews overall based on my interactions with some that share the faith/ethnicity.

@serenada yes the younger generations in orthodox circles generally adhere to it and I believe will continue to. Of course there are exceptions, and in non orthodox circles I don't think they abstain from contact between the sexes. @Desiringonlychild will know better than me about Liberal Judaism.

It's an interesting question about how much of my adult single life was affected. I was married at 19 so I wasn't single very long. And my expectations of singlehood (is that a word??) were very different from an average non Jewish 18 year old. I met up with my female friends, I expected to go to uni, (I did ou in the end but for other reasons) but not to go out partying or clubbing. I don't particularly feel I missed out looking back. In some way the restrictions were freeing. My focus wasn't on going out every weekend or getting laid. At 18-19 after a levels before uni I went to a religious seminary and studied for a year and made friends who I'm still close to today. I lived in Israel for that year and explored and toured and volunteered for different organisations and studied and began to become independent.