I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

CallarMorvern

I am also puzzled by this thread.

First, the child is in Year 8 so not even at GCSE stage at all, so doing GCSE's early is way beyond what most state school children would be even thinking of at this stage.

Second, the OP is engaging tutors for maths, science etc, as far as I can understand, and one to one work in that will take the student absolutely ahead of the game, they would probably find they were ahead if they returned into state school at this point (as someone HE on this thread has found themselves).

Third, the number of GCSE's taken is now dramatically dropping as universities and colleges are demanding fewer (higher grade) ones. No longer is your bog standard comp offering 10-15 (!) as someone suggested, my dd's is offering 9 and you could drop to 8 if you want. Two of those are fillers, so really only 6 are needed, and 5 actually required to get her to A levels at the local college. Schools were bumping up their scores getting pupils to take far too many not demanding enough ones and this practice is stopping.

Fourth, you are not excluded from university by home edding. Universities take students from a variety of backgrounds- many do Access courses so have only rudimentary Maths and English- if they pass that, they can get in! (imagine that, people going to uni who didn't do 11 GCSEs). Universities make contextual offers and are open to older students as well, so if the OP's son wanted to go back a few years later having diversified (or done Chemistry and Biology A level in a year) then he would be able to do so.

Fifth, pretty much most things in education are not a one time offer. Yes, there is a standard pathway, but I have friends who did Medicine later, as a graduate, after doing another degree first, one after becoming a pilot! You are doing your children a massive disservice if you are convincing them GCSEs determine their whole future and can only be taken once at school and it's actually a lie.

Sixth, to read on here about how brilliant state school is, it appears to be a combination of an amazing community building organization and nurturing place where everyone comes out with 11 GCSEs, onto Russell Group with mental health issue dealt with immediately. State school, in the UK? CAHMS is overrun by stressed out distressed teens who don't fit the mould and are struggling to live in this ridiculous narrow world in which they are only valued and valuable through their GCSE or A Level results. That pressure on students is on US.

I have a child at a super-selective grammar, so I am not against state education at all, but neither am I for it. I worry in HE that many people go off radar. But what the OP is offering her child, tutoring/courses in core skills, plus all the rest is probably superior to what at least half the country are experiencing! Teaching in some state schools is either poor or the teachers leave all the time, my other dd is in a school like that and we tutor to make up for the deficiencies of state education!

Honestly, this thread is like falling into some type of groupthink where state education is absolutely marvellous and just perfect for sensitive autistic children ahead of their years!

I don't think anyone is arguing that state education is perfect. I do think it's better than leaving a 12 year old at home with a text book while you go to work however.

Similarly, no one has said that you can't access education at any point in time. Of course you can do GCSEs at any age. However, between the ages of 14 and 16 you can access them for free, alongside same age peers. Adult education is an entirely different prospect.

Yes, people with money have more choices, that's for sure. Many choose to dodge state education altogether and go private. About a 1/4 in state education get paid for tutors to make up for the education they are getting for free. And some home educate- and you need money for that, especially if as he gets older he uses tutors/online GCSE courses and sits exams privately.

OP is paying for her son to attend 2 GCSE classes and an art class. So he is being taught.
It is not unusual for HE kids once they are old enough to be left at home alone, to be left to HE while their parent works full-time. Usually as teenagers they are at home alone and being left to work through Kahn Academy. Their social contact is maybe a meet up at a HE group once a week and attending 1 or 2 clubs during the week.

This level of socialisation is not enough. I have teenagers and I look at them amazed that I was expected to just get on with it every day.
It is normal for bright kids to pursue other interests and knowledge. All kids do this, and decent parents support them outside of school to do this. Learning does not just happen in school but also outside of it. But school does provide a good foundation.

I think it is possible to HE well, but I think it is rare. Which is why most HE parents go on about how you can take qualifications later in life. Of course you can, most people do. I have school educated friends who have done a second degree or a vocational qualification or even a low level qualification for fun - astronomy. But these were all in addition to what they had already achieved. Whereas I had to start from scratch. Which is much harder once you are an adult, have to work and have to pay for your courses.

Yes universities allow students in with non traditional routes. Most run access courses you can attend before doing a degree. But it does limit the courses you can do.

Yes you

@Gingerkittykat - she's a completely different child. She was HE initially and then wanted to try school. She loves it. Yes, it is limiting in some ways. But that isn't as much as an issue for her.
@atankofskunks - I get DC can do it afterschool but my DC can do it all day. I was in top sets but still not challenged. The point is his autism would have made school very difficult, he would have struggled and not been able to meet his potential.
As for marking work - we're talking about KS3 here - it really is not that complicated!
I'm not saying he's beyond school at 12. But I do know he's intelligent. I mean first of all as a parent you can tell, surely? Secondly he has been tested. He was tested when very young. It was mentioned then as I said by professionals that there was concern how a school would be able to stretch him. Since then he was tested when 8, since 11 he has been tested again. And yes, he is working at a high level and highly intelligent. But this isn't about my DC's intelligence. Lots of DC are intelligent, of course. I'm not sure why you have an issue with this. It's getting a bit boring you keep repeating things that aren't true. I said very early on he wants to do GCSEs so why you can't understand that and that he will be able to do a degree like anyone else, I really don't know.

@NotNowPlzz - thank you - nice to see someone understands!
@Gingerkittykat - but you can do that and qualifications - home ed just gives you the time to do both.
@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross - it's true most teenagers at school don't do this but my DS and his friends do indeed spend a lot of time satisfying their intellectual interests.

OP I accept your son is intelligent and working at a high level.

But I remember someone posting on MN who works in a college/uni? that has a high number of HE students attending. He says they do an assessment of the DCs ability and that it is usually lower than the parents thinks. I can understand that. I think there is a natural tendency to assume your child is very bright and if you are the one HE, then you have a personal investment in interpreting them as doing well.

Most HE parents have no outside independent assessment of their DCs ability.

And a lot of HE parents IME have very low educational standards for their DCs. I find it hard not to scream when I hear yet another HE parent describe how their child learns by going shopping - making a list, etc. Suitable learning for a 5-year old, but I have heard HE parents say this about DCs whose learning should be way beyond this level.

As a mother, anyone I know with decent parents learns outside of school, and I think this is something HE parents forget. It is normal. So that includes clubs, but it also includes following DCs interests. Whether that is visiting museums about dinosaurs, or going to see the mummies at Natural History Museum.

@Nanamilly - lots of home-edders work. He is educated outside of school and at home and the home-ed community. That is home-education. The DC doesn't have to be tied to the kitchen table! How did you home-educate?

The random yes you in an above post of mine is a mistake. I wish you could edit comments on here.

@CallarMorvern - I wish your DD well. And yes, I agree some are so narrow minded. They don't understand HE is so much more flexible than the narrow path at school.

@recordbox - did you give yours a chance at home education? Re: HV - professionals believed he would struggle at school. As his DM I was aware of that of course, myself.

@janemaster as a current home educator I can honestly say that I do not know a single HE parent who has low educational goals for their children, I fully expect my own children to sit GCSE’s at the standard age, I expect ds1 will go to uni, I suspect ds2 will go into a trade although he is only young so who knows. Their education consists of far more than going shopping, those kinds of things are often used as an example of learning through every day life but I know of nobody with a child aged over 5 or 6 who would consider that to be enough.

@EffervescentElephant - not sure we're in danger of everyone home educating! However home-education has a community - the home-ed community. To me it feels more close knit than the school.community, I think because parents spend more time together.

did you give yours a chance at home education? Re: HV - professionals believed he would struggle at school. As his DM I was aware of that of course, myself.

No, no I didn't. I would not be taking the word of a HV who has no expertise in autism though.

My main point when I posted was actually the part you have ignored when responding to me, however I realise the education system is different in England. I'm in Scotland with a DC in school sitting 5 highers; I wouldn't be able to teach them to that level, but it seems you don't need to in England anyway. I just wondered really. I may sound like I'm dead against HE but I'm not. For one of my DC it may have been an option of not for the fact that I wouldn't be able to help her reach her true potential. Things like socialising also are very difficult for her, so being in school is arguably better from that POV.

He was tested when very young. It was mentioned then as I said by professionals that there was concern how a school would be able to stretch him.

Which professionals tested the intelligence of your very young child and judged him too bright, at such a young age, for school?

I find your posts very interesting.

I also have a DS who is autistic and in a special,school, however they just don’t stretch him academically and I find myself teaching him additionally at home. I worry he’s losing his initial love of learning, and preferring to just be on his iPad at home and background at school. He’s resisting learning.

I’d be really interested in the specifics - how do you get these group classes, the museum advisors and outside educators?

I’m using things like khan academy, IXL, workbooks from the local bookshops for reading comprehension, maths etc. I’d like to join some home education group activities or education camps, could you advise?

Unfortunately I’m rural and middle of nowhere though...

We home educate too op. ❤️ Best thing I ever did for my kids.

@thearmsofmine - good to hear! Brave or stupid?! It is so frustrating that people are so narrow minded but also seem unable to read my posts - school didn't do much for them!!

I was interested in this, not sure if you're getting annoyed by tank's posts, (which have a lot of valid points) but your recent posts OP seem very disparaging of state school, but you're happy for your other dc to go there.

How many hours a week of 1-1 tuition do you/your dh give him?

How many hours a week is he left alone to study?

How many hours paid tutor does he have a week?

How many special lectures a month/year does your dc get to go to that aren't available to state school pupils? And why on earth do these exist? Who puts them on & are they just for HE children?

Unless you mean open lectures & talks that are available for all outside standard school hours? Or general interest talks at museums etc? I'd be interested in Some examples of this.

My dc is 10, intelligent & in school. He has a wide range of interests & if his education was self directed, I'm sure his passions would shine through but a lot of the time that wouldn't be helpful for his future career aspirations.

You veer from 'it's not that hard teaching him right now as he's only 13' to 'he's well beyond his stage of learning for his age & doing GCSE stage' that it is confusing.

I also don't understand how HE kids have such a different & widespread circle of friends. It doesn't make sense that they somehow have more diverse people than schooled children. Apart from maybe some other HE children.

@Thesearmsofmine Then you have had a different experience to me. My experience of HE is nearly all have very low educational expectations and if anyone challenges that they talk about how their DCs can get qualifications later in life, lifelong learning, there are things more important than qualifications, etc.
I think all children need to be stretched and no I don't think you can stretch yourself.

But them IME few HE parents are sending their 13-year old to two taught GCSE classes.

@Nanamilly - well, I guess the EHE department would disagree.

@buckeejit When HE talk about their DCs having a diverse range of friends, they usually mean adults. Or teenagers being forced to socialise with very young kids at HE groups. In reality they meet less kids, so of course they do not have a more diverse range of friends.

Also plenty of HE work full-time, put their DCs in childcare (you get childcare paid for by the state for this), and HE at evenings and weekends. Why this is better than simply going to school and doing additional learning outside of school I have never understood.

On the subject of Home ed children not having access to professional tuition, my daughter goes to a paid tuition group, in addition to school as the teaching is so poor They have quite a large contingent of home ed kids and actually mention that they can help pick up the pieces with children who have been failed by school. Seems quite common for where I live for parents who home educate to have high hopes for their children.

@Booboostwo - maybe not what people think of home-ed, but yes, it is home-ed. I thought if you knew the community you would know how varied it is - although I guess it is different everywhere.

I'm not his full time teacher but as referenced above that would only work out at 5 hours of study anyway. I have 2 full days with my DS a week and his dad has the same. I spend a lot of time planning things/looking at resources. I only work 3 days a week so have plenty of time. He does 4 classes but has no private tutor at the moment. How old are your DC? Do they not do any classes?