I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

Neome, I think that's a post directed to me, and I entirely agree with you. I very much believe in multiple routes to success, be that an apprenticeship or a BA in general business or a PhD in Philosophy or whatever. I was more reacting to the OP describing her son as seriously academically inclined and looking forward to university.

As for homeschooling, I am generally skeptical but also acknowledge that different children need different approaches. I'm happy to go into more detail about why I'm skeptical, but I don't want to derail the thread.

@atankofskunks - no it's not by design boring as such - my DS and I enjoy what we do together. But at school I found the lessons often slow and uninspiring. And like you say about being stretched - I wasn't and couldn't do it because of the constraints of school. A good point about projecting but I quite enjoyed primary and that was what I was thinking about when making the initial decision. I love the way we can whizz througg Maths topics he masters easily without having to wait for the rest of the class. That's what I found tedious.

@atankofskunks - his teachers of course! But he does do some work for me too that I mark - it's not hard!

Why do you send your other child to school if it is so limiting?

He needed to be at the right sort of school then OP. My daughter is doing GCSE work in maths and English because she is at the school she's at. If he's bright and capable then he'd be likely to be in top sets in any school where he could and would be challenged, and challenged by teachers who, mostly if not always, have a degree in their subject and will know it far more than a parent who, with the best will in the world, is at best one chapter ahead.

I know plenty of kids who go to school then go home and do extra stuff that is beyond the curriculum. School doesn't make that impossible- it enhances it.

• @atankofskunks - his teachers of course! But he does do some work for me too that I mark - it's not hard!*

It is unless you know the subject inside out!

Reading this I can tell it's absolutely plain a huge amount of people don't understand excellence. OPs child is highly intelligent. This means he is naturally going to spend a huge amount of time satisfying his intellectual curiosity. This does NOT need to be guided by anyone and in fact would be worse if it were. Following his curiosity will lead him into extreme depths of various subjects, such as maybe architecture or law or robotics or the stock market or forensics... And he will be there from a place of passion, not obligation. This keeps the love of learning alive and leads to a meaningful career. The depth of enthusiasm produces papers, or ability to converse at an extremely high level in these subjects. Universities value this tremendously. It's better for innovation for our future also. It's better for the individual person, too, as they do not disconnect with themselves and their passions like many school students do.

OPs child is highly intelligent

Oh dear Lord. I could comment on so much but this line stands out. How do you know? How does the OP know? He's never been to school and therefore has had limited opportunity to be compared with others. He's probably bright, I don't doubt that but so bright that he's beyond school at 12 years old? Highly doubtful.

I personally believe the vast majority of highly intelligent children are not stretched adequately in schools, spend years putting very little effort to get top marks, and as a result have no experience of effort or pushing themselves. They soon realise school is different to the real world and struggle.

On what experience are you basing that opinion?

Following his curiosity will lead him into extreme depths of various subjects, such as maybe architecture or law or robotics or the stock market or forensics... And he will be there from a place of passion, not obligation. This keeps the love of learning alive and leads to a meaningful career.

Guess what, to hve a career in those sujects requires formal qualifications, you can't just turn up at a crime scene and tell them you would like to join in because you've read a few books.

Like it or not there are obligations in life and for children that should include learning English and Maths to a decent standard as well as doing the boring bits of some other subjects.

My friend homeschooled her DD, or more accurately unschooled her by letting her learn what she wanted. That didn't include spelling or times tables or the basics you need to build on, her DD actually learned to spell by using predictive text.

I think that the plan ginger is to arrive at university admissions/a job interview and simply say "my mum says I'm very clever".

It's the bits of paper (ie GCSEs/A levels etc) that prove how clever you are. Not your mum/a book you read in the library/that nice volunteer at the museum etc etc.

Reading this I can tell it's absolutely plain a huge amount of people don't understand excellence. OPs child is highly intelligent. This means he is naturally going to spend a huge amount of time satisfying his intellectual curiosity.

😂 Haven't met many teenagers, have you?

OP, I did home ed with my youngest who's almost 30 now and severely autistic (amongst other things) and I don't understand how you can say you do home ed when you work full-time.

I'm shocked at some of the vitriol on this thread towards the OP. Some people on Mumsnet are so narrow minded and absolutely obsessed with GCSEs, pushing their children to complete a huge handful through selective high pressure schooling and refusing to see this isn't the way forward for every child.

I'm a bit older, have watched lots of kids go through the education system, there are lots of ways to success and success isn't always a top degree and a high paying job. Your life depends on your mental health and school can be very detrimental for some children's mental health. There are other ways of learning, so many people have been conditioned to believe school is the only way.

My bf home educated her two girls, they are lovely happy, sociable young people in jobs they love. Both have degrees and were accepted for uni with a random collection of awards, experience and GCSEs (one only has 5, 1 A level, plus other awards and had a lot of work experience in her chosen field) . Bf says people forget you only need to be one step ahead of their learning to teach them. You can cover so much in a short time when you are only teaching one or two children, and not wrangling a class of 32.

My own child is 14 and her experience of school isn't great, it's destroying her mental health and we have already had one suicide attempt. Yes, she is doing the requisite 10 GCSEs, but gets so much homework that outside beneficial activities have fallen by the wayside. She isn't self motivated to learn, as education is just learning by rote these days. Not all schools are good places to be and not every parent has a choice of schools. And as for the social aspect, teenage girls can be vile, there is no time in your life when you will be forced to exist with only your age group. Most of us have friends of different ages, school is an unnatural environment socially. And to the person who mentioned travel opportunities, many of us can't afford school trips, but my DD will travel with Rangers instead anyway.

I wish I was able to home ed, but it would only work for us if I could use a device like Interhigh and we just can't afford it. And DD wants to persevere with school.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/education/2013/aug/19/how-to-get-into-university-without-alevels

• all autistic children are different - you did what was right for yours I chose the right setting for mine and the HV agreed. You and your children might need school to learn - we don't.

I wasn't suggesting they were all the same. I said you didn't give him a chance. I'm not sure what weight you think the HV's opinion holds here though?

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross yes. Teenagers who aren't infantilised by the school system (and even some that are, especially those with high intelligence), often have in-depth, self motivated intellectual interests. Coding, certain aspects of history, literature etc. They are not a bunch of brain dead lazy feckless idiots.

@Gingerkittykat
Guess what, to hve a career in those sujects requires formal qualifications,
Yes, university level ones. Nothing excludes homeschoolers from University in any subject providing they have enough experience OR exams in relevant subjects.

Like it or not there are obligations in life and for children that should include learning English and Maths to a decent standard

Absolutely.

as well as doing the boring bits of some other subjects.

Absolutely not. There is no merit in this. A very broad look at a lot of subjects is great to expose them to what's out there, but more time should be used going deep into what they're curious about.

My friend homeschooled her DD, or more accurately unschooled her by letting her learn what she wanted. That didn't include spelling or times tables or the basics you need to build on, her DD actually learned to spell by using predictive text.

Did it work for her DD or not? Is her daughter HAPPY? Does she have any career prospects etc?

To me it doesn't sound ideal and I certainly don't think this a valid approach. But it could be. I wouldnt judge straight away myself not knowing all the facts.

Need to walk away from this now.
But I am struck by the unrealistic expectations many Mumsnetters have of schools. Are they talking about state schools, are they just lucky to have fab school s with motivated teachers and well behaved pupils? That's not been our experience and we have the best school within our area. Huges classes, disruptive pupils, so much staff sickness and staff shortages. Not enough pastoral support (DD was only allowed 4 sessions with the school counsellor). She is struggling with science as they have missed a whole term of physics and the teacher is still frequently ill. Supply teachers don't teach. The teachers are working to rule at the moment, so no lunchtime/out of school support. Not enough textbooks, English lit books are just photocopied extracts, they don't cover the whole book. So much homework on stuff they haven't covered.
Education is a mess, we are not in England, but I know from friends it is no different.

Are people reading different answers to me? The autistic but academically able child has a mixture of professional, qualified tutors, online learning, parent led learning and self lead learning and will do qualifications in the core subjects of English, maths and science plus some qualifications they enjoy.

I have an academically able autistic child. He spent 1 year without a school place as we were waiting for a special school place to become available. The LA said 5 hours of 1:1 tuituon is equivilent of a FT education some of that was online. It was pretty eye opening. His special school he now goes to part time only does 5 GCSEs and they spread them out over 4 years.

Not read the full thread but has anyone discussed the larger impact on society if everyone was home educating until to university level? Basically, the dismantling of the concept of state schools?

I would be concerned about that.

It would be, to me, a step towards a new kind of neo-liberalist stateless country.

No school, no taxes, no duty, no state but also no community. Each one to their own. Homo homini lupus.

I believe in the social pact.

I believe that school does a larger job than teaching maths.

School contributes to social cohesion, it teaches children and young adults to be part of a community, at the same time to respect authority and challenge it.

I am, however, at the same time painfully aware of the insights of the Foucaldian view, that is that schools are a bit like prisons and create what he calls 'governmentality'.

Children gain a lot but also lose something of their 'free spirit' by going there.

I think my view of school is the same view I gave of the EU: love and agree with the principle, realise it could be done better but push for its reform rather then its dismantling.

OP you are brave to post this on here! My dc have also never been to school, they are younger than your ds but are happy and progressing academically.

Are people reading different answers to me? The autistic but academically able child has a mixture of professional, qualified tutors, online learning, parent led learning and self lead learning and will do qualifications in the core subjects of English, maths and science plus some qualifications they enjoy

Whats being done in this situation isn't what I would describe as home adding and I think it understandable that people are confused.

*Are people reading different answers to me? The autistic but academically able child has a mixture of professional, qualified tutors, online learning, parent led learning and self lead learning and will do qualifications in the core subjects of English, maths and science plus some qualifications they enjoy

Whats being done in this situation isn't what I would describe as home adding and I think it understandable that people are confused.*

That's been my confusion as well reading the thread. How many classes does your DS take? How many tutors does he have? I find preparing for the classes I taught (at HE) was a good chunk of my working life and you say you work F/T. How is it possible to work F/T as a nurse and F/T as a teacher for your DS? From what you say you are a supportive parent, as are many parents whose DCs go to school, and your DS is taught in classes, by tutors and through self-directed learning (which is also part of any decent traditional schooling set up)...so not what most people would think of as home schooling then.