I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

Pinkyu

My question was to OP. I am fully aware my child is being taught the Higher curriculum to pass the courses, my point was their learning is not limited. You seem to think you know different about my DC?

You mean the curriculum for excellence I presume @recordbox? There’s no such thing as a “higher curriculum”.

Also I’m well aware how highers are taught and the amount of home hours required to consolidate class learning, even for very able pupils.

@atankofskunks - what about in the evening? Did you not spend time in your room for a few hours at the weekend? I wonder if it has to do with being introvert. But I'm pretty sure most teenagers spend time in their rooms alone or with friends.

@atankofskunks know it's not a passive thing. But talking to the head of year or Ofstead isn't really going to tell you if an individual teacher is good in the same way as actually seeing them teach and speaking to them. You can hardly change school everytime there is a bad teacher!

@AlexaShutUp - but to be fair most parents have no experience of home-ed which is very different to limited experience.

You mean the curriculum for excellence I presume @recordbox? There’s no such thing as a “higher curriculum”.

I have no idea what it's called. You know what I meant though, right?

Please don't try and make me out to be stupid for not knowing the correct terminology.

Also I’m well aware how highers are taught and the amount of home hours required to consolidate class learning, even for very able pupils.

That's great. I'm happy for you. Again, my question was for OP and you don't have a clue why my DC learns outside of the 'curriculum for excellence'.

*what me DC learns (before you come along to pick me up again)

I'm sure that's true, but there is just as much judgment and misinformation on here about schools. The trouble is, we all tend to generalise and make assumptions on the basis of our own limited experience.

Id say the vast majority of people who home educate do it because school has been so utterly shit for their child and actually the help just isnt out there. Not because they are misinformed about school.

I have personal experience with my own children of 3 separate mainstream secondaries (2 academies which were both terrible. A very good church school, which I only managed to get him in due to the LEA insisting because of an EHCP) a SEN school, a lovely primary school. A period of unschooling, and also an online school. Loads of experience of the local home ed community which is diverse and loads of opportunities, both with me and various friends. I also know that my own secondary education was traumatic and I underachieved because of stress and bullying, which I have had therapy to overcome.

One size doesnt fit all in adulthood, and it doesnt in childhood either.
Noone should feel forced into home education like I was, but on the other hand, it is not automatically a lower class of education . If you have the time, inclination and of course the funds, it can be the ideal solution for some children and work really well, far better than school environment.

For other children it is not the answer at all and they thrive at school.

Its just a shame that instead of asking genuine questions, many people are just making shitty insults.

@AlexaShutUp - I think the downtime thing is with regards to people saying their schooled DC do all the things home-ed DC do in their spare time. If you really were, the DC would get no down time. I know if my DS was at school he wouldn't be able to cope with all his after-school activities, let alone spending every weekend doing trips, groups and classes!

Well the OP appears to be responding to the comments rather than the questions, so I’ll repeat my genuine question again, as I am interested. My child has autism and I’m bewildered by the environment the OP describes, so I’m intrigued to know about how her child’s autism.

OP...

What specifically in his autism makes you think that a school setting isn’t right for him?

I’ve met a lot of kids with autism and not a single one of them would be comfortable with “There is no typical day.”

I don’t have autism but I too would struggle to learn without structure and routine like you describe.

So I’m wondering what sort of traits he has that makes you feel he’s “thriving” but wouldn’t in any school setting, mainstream or specialist school.

@atankofskunks - HE is downtime to you? Yet you say studying alone is bad - not good for mental health - but also that that is downtime? Which is it?

Your question was what would I do if a teacher was poor OP, not how would I know. I would know, if that is what you were asking, because my child would tell me of their concerns, I would see it in their books, I would note the lack of progress etc etc. I would then deal with it and, as I stated, my last resort would be to remove my child. Last resort doesn't mean "every time" now does it.

Visiting museums is absolutely downtime, yes.

I'm confused as to your misunderstanding OP to be honest. Studying alone in your room for 6 hours at a time on a regular basis is very isolating and would concern me yes. Visiting a museum with your family on a Sunday is a very different thing surely? The former I would not encourage and would most certainly not be down time in anyone's book. The latter is a fun day out and definitely down time.

@atankofskunks - I said you're not a good advert for being schooled due to your responses on here. I've clearly set out what my DS is doing and what he hopes to achieve. So he is planning on GCSEs and Alevels - yet you comment he will try to get into Uni by saying 'mum says I'm clever'. He does a variety of activities during the week - one is going on educational visits. Your comment 'Home education is what we call downtime as we go on educational visits at the weekend'. Just 2 examples where you seem unable to read/comprehend what I have written.

I tell you what OP, tell me, if you will, what your son's "timetable" will be next week, day by day. That might help us to understand what his week looks like. What educational visits will he be doing next week? What classes etc?

Fair enough, OP. I guess it comes down to a question of how the time is used. I know that a lot of people may feel that time spent in school is inefficient, but there's a lot of casual learning and socialising that goes on in that time, alongside all of the formal learning. Ultimately, they all get the same number of hours in the day overall, so more of one thing inevitably means less of another.

In my dd's case, it's the downtime that tends to go, because she spends so much of her free time on her passions - dance, drama and musical theatre, as well as a bit of volunteering. I couldn't possibly keep up with her schedule but she is very extroverted and seems to be excited and energised by it all. Who knows, perhaps she is getting her downtime in school?

I DO have autism and too much structure and routine is difficult for me, possibly because I have many adhd traits too.
Autistic traits that make a classroom environment difficult could be, flourescent lighting, loud school bells, classroom full of 30 kids that a good half of them at least make it clear that you dont fit in and they hate you. School dinner hall queues. Lack of downtime. Not being allowed to leave the room when you need a break. The echoing in the corridor. Not being allowed to work in isolation when you need to. Isolation being used as a punishment is an incentive to misbehave. Not being able to understand social cues. Being in an environment with about 1500 other kids 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. Even teachers not liking you. Having to stop yourself stimming or ticcing. Having to learn at the same pace as everyone else when you dont process things at the same speed. Being told you are going to be beaten up frequently. Being beaten up. The noise of people chatting in the classroom. The ticking of the clock.

@Nekoness - sorry I'm trying to find the questions and respond. There are huge numbers of autistic DC in the home-ed community. Much higher than in school - most have come out of school as it did not work for them.

My DS has sensory issues that meant a busy classroom would not work. He also was less emotionally developed when younger and wouldn't have coped with the seperation. I think while the work may have been ok - I can tailor it better at home and he can progress faster in small classes/1:1. When refering to no typical day it is because he does different things on different days. He has his own routine that works for him. There is structure and routine. He would not have been eligable for a special school nor would it have suited him, I don't think (based on other parent's experiences).

@atankofskunks jeez, youre hard work. Noone is forcing you to home educate. You know that dont you. You are allowed to prefer school. Noone can take that away from you sweetheart. You dont have to worry. Go well x

@AlexaShutUp - well, it sounds like she is thriving - brilliant!

@Branleuse - very valid points. I have autism too and I find a schedule made by someone else stressful but my own routine - great!

My mistake @Branleuse. I thought it was a discussion.

Branleuse I take your point that many people don't have experience of HE, whereas most HE parents will have at least some experience of school, but that hasn't stopped people from saying things on here that simply aren't accurate. I'm genuinely sorry that your children's experiences of school were so shit, Bhutto that really doesn't mean that all schools are shit and unresponsive to the concerns of parents. That hasn't been my experience at all.

I do take the point that I haven't tried HE myself. As I said earlier, I can see many potential benefits and I'd like to think that I could do a pretty good job, but I wouldn't risk it because there would be no external measures to tell me if I was giving dd the best possible opportunities or not. I will admit that this perception of risk is influenced at least in part by my experiences with young people who have been home educated, from which I haven't had a terribly positive impression - but who knows, perhaps I'm judging unfairly and those kids were taken out of mainstream schooling precisely because of the issues which I was able to identify.

In many ways, I suppose it comes down to a question of how you evaluate the risks. If you feel that your child is miserable in school and failing to thrive in an unresponsive school system, then clearly, you have very little to lose by deciding to home educate - it's an entirely rational decision. If, on the other hand, you feel that your child is happy and thriving in a responsive school which cares about them as an individual, then scrapping all that in order to home educate seems incredibly risky and potentially quite reckless. It all depends on your starting point.

I do believe that different arrangements will work best for different children. Having said that, I still think there needs to be a level of challenge and accountability for all approaches, in order to ensure the best possible outcomes for the children concerned.

Sorry, what kind of sensory issues? Having never been in a class, I don’t understand how you can confidently say he can’t cope yet he goes to lectures and museums?

My child has adhd and sensory issues as well. About 30 minutes with ear defenders is the most she can do in a museum before she’s overwhelmed. But she attends mainstream school and learns invaluable coping skills that I could never teach her by homeschooling her.

So I’m just wondering if this is something you decided or this was recommended by a professionals who diagnosed him.