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AMA

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

999 replies

Sideris · 05/01/2020 07:10

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

OP posts:
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Peterspotter · 05/01/2020 10:46

Sideris after your last post I actually feel quite sorry for you - and I’m being genuine. It’s full of contractions in with that post and posts you posted earlier. I think your still a very confused person and I hope you find peace.

Pinkyyy · 05/01/2020 10:47

Very young children do not have their hormones changed
I wish this was true.

People with a cervix is usually preferred
If misgendering is a hate crime, why can't calling women "people with cervixes" also be? I would be VERY offended if someone called me that.

LangCleg · 05/01/2020 10:48

OP - if society is organised according to subjective inner feelings rather than on material reality, how do you propose power not defaulting to extant structures - in Woke language, to the pale, male and stale?

Or are extant power structures simply the product of discourse?

(Just trying to ascertain quite how far down the pomo-addling route we are.)

BlouseAndSkirt · 05/01/2020 10:49

Hi OP,
Thanks for giving your perspective on things.

For years I was aware of Trans people, from the Trans Man bus conductor on our school bus to having worked with numerous Trans Women and shared a flat twice at week long conferences with a Trans Woman.

The difference for me now is self id. The women I worked with and shared a flat with were that now taboo word ‘transsexual’ and has had re-assignment surgery and hormone treatment. Years of psychotherapy / psychological support (and no doubt patronising interference: I get that).

What the proposed self Id means is than a Trans Woman with a beard can rock up in a female changing room and spend as much time as they like amongst women in a star of undress. My friend was also a patient if the nurse in N London who was conducting smear tests as a Trans Woman whilst presenting 100% as a man. As a survivor of CSA she was too traumatised to speak or complain.

The Trans Woman who most recently physically challenged Julie Bindel had retained her beard.

As a woman I have lifelong experience of being told how I should think, feel and act by men. I have lifelong experience of low level harassment by men. I am now being told how I must react to Trans Women who choose to retain all their physical characteristics as born. And according to you, there will be many more if these people because the ability to be ‘out’ has opened up.

With respect, as you yourself say, you try and stay out of women’s spaces. You are no threat whatsoever to Cis Men. But given well documented conditions like autogynephilia, and the specifically misogynistic abuse heaped in GC women by TWA, can you really not see why people like me feel uneasy about self id? And unhappy about being labelled transphobia, being hounded out of our jobs etc, for even asking these questions?

GeordieTerf · 05/01/2020 10:50

Hi Op

Thanks for coming on and doing this.

What do you think of trans people and trans allies using intersex conditions to further their own agenda? Intersex people have repeatedly asked that their conditions are not conflated with transgenderism, yet it keeps happening. Do you have any comment on this?

Geoffreythecat · 05/01/2020 10:51

People with a cervix is usually preferred

By whom? What would you say to women who feel that phrase erases women? What if many women don't want that phrase used? Whose rights 'win'?

WellErrr · 05/01/2020 10:58

I fail to see how your identity is erase

Really?

When you campaign to forcibly remove the word by which half the population describe themselves - women - that is erasing our identity.

How can you not see that?

We are women. We don’t want to be called ‘people with cervixes.’ We want to be called women, and be allowed to call ourselves women without fear.

You are actively campaigning against erasing our identity. That is what you are doing.

RhinoskinhaveI · 05/01/2020 10:59

I personally don't care at all about biological sex
Well you would say that wouldn't you

Thatagain · 05/01/2020 11:03

I do need some information on why the word phobic is used to describe another human. Do you know of anyone who generally has a phobia towards another human. That really confusing. Also and I am prepared for this to be deleted.
Anotherthing is why do homosexual's like to use the word gay and not homosexual's? Is the confusion of the nation satisfieing to your community. Please don't bring womens anatomy into this discussion as that is just simply rude. CERVIX HAVERS?

TheLittleBrownFox · 05/01/2020 11:05

Hi there OP

You say that you think that the risk that women perceive isn't really a risk. That male bodied people identifying as women are not a threat to women.

My question is quite a big ask bevause it'll take more of your time than answering another question will, but it's important to me. I'd like to ask you to read this thread;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me

Just read it, that's all I'm asking of you. Because if nothing else, understanding where people who are campaigning for things that are not compatible with things that you are campaigning for, are coming from, makes sense.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/01/2020 11:07

What is the vast majority of women would prefer to be called 'women' rather than people with cervixes? I'm actually sure that this is the case and I'm also confident that re-education campaigns will not serve to change this view. I'm not just a 'cervix bearer' or a uterus bearer or vagina owner or whatever other crazy term is standing in for 'woman'. That's MY identity. 'Woman'. Also 'Female'. I'm also a person when this term is more appropriate. That's my identity. That's the identity of billions of women on the planet and those who went before us. Please do not rob us of our identities. Men have said who were are for centuries, just as we are gaining a voice so we are silenced.

Helmetbymidnight · 05/01/2020 11:08

can you explain what it is that makes you a man?

I'm greatly mentally more comfortable now that I'm seen as a man, referred to as a man, see a man in the mirror, am allowed entry to male spaces and generally get to live my life as a man, even with the increased risk of danger (violence against trans men is considerably high). When trying to emulate a woman it caused me constant mental distress to the point I couldn't live, I was just alive.

youve explained here - with much feeling - that you like to be seen as a man and it makes you feel better/happier.

can you not try answering the actual questions?- what is it that makes you a man? what is a man?

Pinkyyy · 05/01/2020 11:11

What are your thoughts on people who identify as one of the now unlimited options outside of male or female? How did you know you were a male and not gender neutral etc?

FabulouslyGlamorousReindeer · 05/01/2020 11:11

@Cwenthryth

Is it? I've been here for years and that's the first I've heard!

fikel · 05/01/2020 11:12

Do you think that some trans have become too militant and instead of supporting women have almost gone against them? IMO there just seems to be a lot of hate out there against women and is increasing.
I’m also v against gender neutral toilets as this makes women highly vulnerable.
It is fantastic that you’re supported but do you also understand that many don’t really give someone changing gender a great deal of importance? Whilst one respects personal choice obviously

QueenOfTheFae · 05/01/2020 11:14

Do you not think that there are obvious dangers in allowing men to access women’s spaces?

I think you're confused, I'm a man trying very hard to stay away from women's spaces.

You might be as F2M, but a M2F would also be trying hard to stay away from mens spaces and therefore in to womens spaces

Sideris · 05/01/2020 11:14

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@Helmetbymidnight
what is it that makes you a man op? you must be able to put it in words after all this time.

In terms of the deciding factor for my GP, the sex indicated on all of my official records.

@KTJean
As someone who is onto the second round of treatment for early stage cervical cancer and put off screening because of previous sexual violence, these are things which did not happen because I have a cervix but because I am a woman with a female body, and I find the notion of being reduced to a cervix haver dehumanising. The nurse who eventually did my test talked to me about my concerns and talked me through it - me, the whole person, not just scraping my cervix; the gynaecologist and nurses who treated me thereafter talked to me about and during the process as a person with previous female-specific experiences and children not a cervix.

The treatment shouldn't change for women. What should change is that people without a cervix are invited while people with one aren't, based on a single letter in their digital record, and that most trans men avoid any and all cervical screening due to either the associated misgendering or because they're denied access (both aren't wholly rectified by a tick box, I'm aware and working on). Which is something I'm working on bettering.

Please can you explain to me what ‘living as a woman’ meant to you and how you ‘broke out’? I really do not see how this means anything unless you have preconceptions about how a woman should live and how a man is able to live? (Although I do understand that society has these preconceptions)

It means I'm now seen as either a man or a trans man in daily life, helping me function as a person and live a life.

@QueenOfTheFae
I agree with previous posters, this should not be available. What should (in my view) be available, is a form you can fill out with clear and concise instructions stating that you understand the risk of not having "biological sex based" checks, and wish to no longer have them

This is a system that has killed trans men in the past. This is not a system that I support. It's your choice if you do, but I will not stand by medical negligence resulting in death.

@Mummyoflittledragon
I don’t have a cervix. It’s standard practice for post hysterectomy females, who have had their cervix removed to be taken off the list on request. I don’t see why you think you helped on this matter.

It was exceedingly difficult here in the past. But essentially it's the same system as you have, then, with the exception that there's also an allowed on list for men.

But it isn’t a rare trans woman. Men dressed as male with no grc or indication they are trans can and do enter female only spaces and can no longer be challenged as this is allowed by the businesses or service providers. Some enjoy seeing women frightened.

And they will continue to do so regardless of GRCs, regardless of trans women being granted or denied access. This means that this behaviour isn't effected by trans women being allowed access or not.

@HermioneWeasley
Do you see any risks to women’s rights in saying that men have periods and can get pregnant too?

Not at all. As long as it's understood that people shouldn't be discriminated against due to periods or pregnancy.

Do you see any risks to women’s health by referring to “people with a cervix” instead of “women and girls”

No. Can you tell me what the risks are?

Do you believe you have changed sex and are now male?

I reject the construct of sex, personally.

@MoltoAgitato
Citation needed for transwomen historically entering women’s spaces for years, please.

... do you need me to direct you to the trans women that have been using women's restrooms and changing rooms for years?

And why don’t you care about any man entering women’s spaces, as that’s what self id allows?

Because they already can. People who look like men will get booted, though (but doesn't discriminate - those booted include natal men, trans women, butch natal women, trans men, nonbinary people of any listed sex). I don't see that changing in the near future. Vile behaviour should still be judged accordingly.

@PityParty4one
The problem with check boxes is it requires the person to read and understand what they are "checking" and why the are checking it/what the consequences could be.

The person doesn't fill in the boxes themselves, it's the GP who does so in their personal record.

@shortytrekker
I distinctly remember saying to my parents "I want to be a boy". I was a child and just thought boys had more fun and more adventures, I wasn't into girlie things. I worry that these days for children saying similar things.

I was into girly things. I also wanted to grow up into a man for my entire life. The latter is the distinction for trans men. It's not a flight of fancy because boys get Spiderman in their Happy Meals.

@DeeZastris
Do your parents find you exhausting?

Probably, considering they also deal with me opposite of them in their homophobic, racist and islamophobic protest rallies whenever I have a day off from work.

@catwithnohat
*Apologies if you're already answered this but have you transitioned, in that you've had surgery?

Are you happier in your life now than you were (is life generally easier)?*

I've had double mastectomy and a hysterectomy. I've no intentions of any other surgery.

I'm significantly happier! I mean, the bar was low, but still, it's a drastic increase in life quality. It's not at all easier socially (when perceived as a woman I could breeze by, now my behaviour suddenly represents A Group), but no longer needing therapy three times a week makes things easy.

@TheChampagneGalop
What exactly is it do you think, that makes you identify as a trans man?
Playing male roles as a kid, wearing masculine clothes, wanting to protect girls - those are things many girls and women do.

Absolutely. My sister was one of them. As was my mother to some extent (more so than me). Neither of them see themselves and want to be seen as men, however.

@Pinkyyy
What do you mean by this? You didn't want to be a female, but you want to be able to dress up like one as a pisstake?

How does one 'dress up' as a woman? Clothes aren't gendered. I wear a dress and play a role that mostly involved the fake persona I cracked out of, that doesn't mean I'm dressing up as a woman as a pisstake.

@daisychain01
What process did you go through to get those "GPs in my immediate area" to enact such a major alteration to their standard procedure? Was it as a consequence ofyourpersonal transition that they decided to change the process for everyone in that immediate area? How long did it take for them to change it - Months? Years?

It's not a huge alteration. It's a minor administrative alteration to allow someone to opt out of an automatic mailing list and ensure safe treatment for men with a uterus.

@WellErrr
But that’s not what I asked, is it?
Trying not to get frustrated, but it’s really hard when people are obtusely insisting that the feelings of a few trump the safety of many.

Are your feelings of fear not contradicting the fact that over the past decades, very little incidents occurred involving trans women in women's changing rooms and bathrooms?

What do you say to the hundreds of accounts of women being assaulted, raped, or simply quietly excluded from public life due to having no sex segregated spaces?

You currently haven't had real sex segregated spaces as trans people are using them and have used them for ages. Have you been under significant threat in these spaces for the past 30+ years?

@Coughy4u
*I don't understand why you can't protect women, dress in unisex or traditionally stereotypically masculin clothings and like men and still be a woman?

Why did it need you to change to this extent for things that are not actually inherently male anyway? You could have been and done all this as a woman?*

I've tried this, I've tried to be a more masculine woman than I'm now as a (feminine) man, I've tried to be more feminine, I've tried neutral as a woman and it was all mentally, emotionally and physically destroying me. As I'm now seen as male, using testosterone and mentally, emotionally and physically better than ever before, wouldn't you say that's the better option?

How do you get treated by bio (cis?) men, when you go into men only changing rooms or toilets?

Identically to any other men who enter.

Do straight, bi or gay men date you?
I've dated one straight man before coming out, my other partners have been bi or gay.

@SophoclesTheFox
Even when those rules around eligibility based on lowered testosterone have been found to be inaccurate, based on highly flawed data, and result in substantial unfairness to women?

Can you give me the links to this?

If they were made more restrictive, based on better data around the negligble impact of transitioning on a post puberty male physique, would you still support them?

They're already incredibly restrictive. And I likely wouldn't, in all honestly, as I believe all women have a right to sport and many people are trying to ensure trans women have to endure male puberty, meaning that no trans woman would ever be allowed to participate in (elite) sports.

@CaptainMarvelDanvers
Do you not feel that is a bit like religion, where you believe something so strongly even though factually there is no evidence other than belief?

Do you believe that personality or enjoying the taste of mushrooms is based on religion? They're equally based on self reporting and equally measurable.

In short, no.

@PermanentTemporary
How do you manage the side effects of testosterone? Do they scare you?

I've experienced no negative side effects of testosterone. The increased smell, hair loss, facial hair, body hair, dropped voice et al were all things I was looking forwards to and continue to embrace.

Your vocabulary is very American. If you've lived in America, do you see trans issues as being different between the two countries? Is there a 'trans culture' which transcends nationality?

I've never been in America. I'm not natively English, however, I'll give you. The UK is significantly more against trans people then where I originate from. There's no 'trans culture' there, trans people are mostly a neglected but somewhat accepted group (though occasionally I do hear of anti-trans murder and violence).

@puds11
As a trans man entering male spaces do you always feel safe?
Definitely. I feel safer in male spaces than i would if I were forced into female ones. If I had to go to female ones, I'd not go or use my former tactic of changing in any empty toilet.

OP posts:
RhinoskinhaveI · 05/01/2020 11:14

This assertion that women are not a risk from adult males who identify as women, you don't have a leg to stand on with this argument
everyone else can see that this is an attack on women but you can't acknowledge that because the legitimacy that you have constructed for yourself rests largely on this baseless assertion

Thestrangestthing · 05/01/2020 11:15

People with a cervix is usually preferred

I have a cervix, I would prefer to be reffered to as a woman, not a person with a cervix.

DoloresTheDonkey · 05/01/2020 11:16

I'm commenting purely because I want to read further updates from the Op because I'm genuinely baffled at the skirting around the issues on the last update.

RhinoskinhaveI · 05/01/2020 11:20

'People without a cervix'🤦🏼‍♀️
The word you are looking for is MEN
I'm not 'cis woman' I'm not 'a person with a cervix' I am a woman
If some people want to live as if they were of the opposite gender that's cool with me but you can be the one who has to find a new title, don't try and rebrand the rest of us just for your convenience.

JacquesHammer · 05/01/2020 11:23

They're already incredibly restrictive. And I likely wouldn't, in all honestly, as I believe all women have a right to sport and many people are trying to ensure trans women have to endure male puberty, meaning that no trans woman would ever be allowed to participate in (elite) sports

Thems the breaks. I couldn’t take part in female rugby until there were enough female participants to create a team. Why shouldn’t transwomen have to do the same?

Why should I and countless other biological women be at physical risk over someone else’s life choices?

RhinoskinhaveI · 05/01/2020 11:23

Treatment for men with a uterus
A man with uterus is like a circle with four corners
A circle with four corners is a square
A man with a uterus is a woman

Cwenthryth · 05/01/2020 11:23

I reject the construct of sex, personally
That’s interesting, OP. Many of us here reject the construct of gender, but accept that sex is just a biological fact of being a species that uses meiosis to reproduce.

Fraggot · 05/01/2020 11:25

How do you feel about all of the threads on here that are vile about trans issues (basically all of them)?

Do you think it’s fair that if the same abuse was aimed at e.g. religion/race etc it would be classed as hate speech and removed but for some reason MN allow it to remain?

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