I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

[Sideris]

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

I thought I'd try and read every post on here, but I just gave up.

I'm sorry OP, I wish you well in life, but I find this whole thread disingenuous and it looks to me like it's a monumental wind up.

One day, civilisation might look back on the whole transgender trend and cringe and see it as the embarrassment it is. The whole thing makes my toes curl. I miss the days when you could be as androgynous as you liked and still know that there were two distinct sexes. This thread is a head fuck, a minefield and really silly to boot. I'm out.

OP if you don't think that JY is trans, why do you refer to them as "she"?

@Soen

Same. This will be in the daily mail tomorrow for sure also....

I don't know if this has been asked already but just in case it hasn't...

Why do you think so many intelligent women, who are otherwise progressive & in most cases left leaning are so vocal about losing their sex based rights? Do you genuinely think we are all stupid, bigots misled by right wing bots & alt right media indulging a moral panic, for the first time in our lives?

I am concerned about the situations where men are sharing with women when it seems wrong.

I am also concerned that legal changes around sex and gender will make that more widespread. We can't defend sex based rights and promote sex based rights if there is no such thing as sex recognised in law.

Because it's not the relatively small number of legally transgender people today that I am concerned about, it's the larger number of not very nice men who will be able to take advantage.

To me it's all part of the same picture.

OP, please can I ask a question? I realise I’m late to the thread but I’m asking this question for a very specific reason which I don’t feel comfortable discussing here, but it’s an important question for me.

When you’re starting to date someone I’m assuming you do so as a gay man. At what point if any will you disclose to a potential date or partner that you have a vagina?

Do you think it’s important for you to disclose in advance of any sexual interactions or would you just leave it until the clothes come off?

Do you consider it important that a potential sexual or relationship partner know you have a vagina, as I’m guessing you pass quite well and they might reasonably be expecting you to have a penis?

PTW - good job I dont read that bile. It is honestly like reading double-speak on this thread. I tried to understand the concept of gender, and I empathise with someone who doesn't feel right in their own skin, but this bullshit has gone too far. It is nonsense akin to something that wouldn't be out of place in some dystopian sci-fi novel.

Will probably get banned for having an opinion now....

*Not sure on prisons.

Well, I've told you what the prison service policy is. What do you think of that? Self-ID for a GRC means that any rapist can get a GRC and then if they get caught will go to a women's prison. Does that sound like a good idea to you?*

Oh ffs. I was clearly telling you that I'm not sure what I think is the ideal way to handle it. My next post specifically says that I am, of course, against male violent offenders being housed in female prisons.

You are so disingenuous that it is impossible to even discuss anything that doesn't mimic every identical 'party line'. Who knows, you may have changed my mind on the odd thing I disagree with you on (bearing in mind that I've said I agree with a lot of your concerns, but this is ignored by every replier, favouring the classic 'but why do you want to force women to live with rapists?!') but it's actually impossible to have a civil and reasoned conversation on this topic on MN.

So I see all my questions were answered with a "Trans girls are girls, your dds have no more to fear from them than they would any girl".

I'm fed up of this dangerous gaslighting. Our poor girls.

You're not sounding particularly reasonable or reasoned yourself, KnowBetter - you're seeming a bit shouty tbh.

This: "Who knows, you may have changed my mind on the odd thing I disagree with you on"

You think feminists on here haven't heard this bag of nonsense a thousand times over? If you'd been nicer and I might have listened to you! Yeah right.

In this case, the facts speak for themselves - statistics show that female people are at particular risk from male people - and so have, with considerable difficulty over the years, carved out their own single sex spaces - for their safety, privacy, comfort. People born with penises (male people) have no business trying to access those women's spaces.

It is very difficult to see how one could handle prisons where people of different genders wanted to be housed with people of the that gender ( or actually with people who's sex is most commonly associated with the gender in question ) because of the lack of external objectivity in being able to measure that gender identity. And the fact that gender isn't binary unlike sex. And Some people want sex separated facilities and others want gender separated facilities.

I believe trans facilities are currently being built in the uk as a third space. I think that's probably the best all round solution.

'I've covered this. Whilst not phrased brilliantly (though I think you've took his words out of context) i took it to mean that a tiny minority of bad people from a group should not be used to demonise the whole group. I agree with this, to be honest.'

Makes no sense to keep men out then. Most men are fine.

You're not sounding particularly reasonable or reasoned yourself, KnowBetter - you're seeming a bit shouty tbh.

It's really frustrating when people are quoting you saying you don't give a shit about women being housed with dangerous men, when you have literally said that you are a woman who has been housed with dangerous men. So I might be coming across as frustrated, but I'm not being rude to anybody who disagrees with me. Most of you aren't even disagreeing with me, you're just disagreeing with things that I haven't said, and I don't even believe.

You think feminists on here haven't heard this bag of nonsense a thousand times over? If you'd been nicer and I might have listened to you! Yeah right.

Ok. Well keep being rude to people, but multiple FWR posters have pretty much said 'thanks alot OP, this thread will open so many eyes to the awful rhetoric that we are fighting against' when actually, OP has come across as civil and patient (even if I don't agree with all of his views), and you lot have been rude to him, and rude to anybody who questions that rudeness.

Which is fine - you do you, but I'm not sure it's the win you think it is. I certainly won't be in a rush to read any more of these threads, and I thought you wanted people to read more on the topic, which is why it's always posted about in AIBU etc?

*'I've covered this. Whilst not phrased brilliantly (though I think you've took his words out of context) i took it to mean that a tiny minority of bad people from a group should not be used to demonise the whole group. I agree with this, to be honest.'

Makes no sense to keep men out then. Most men are fine.*

Lol! Thanks for demonstrating my point, again.

The next paragraph, following the one you quoted out of context:

I don't agree that there should be no single sex facilities. I don't think that violent male sex offenders should be in prisons with women. So overall I disagree with the OP on the point he was making. But I don't think he's said anything so utterly horrific that deserves the way he's been spoken to.

The very next post:

*But so many of the places you are concerned about are already mixed sex. Homeless hostels housing pregnant women and children alongside recently released prisoners. I've worked in several residential homes for people with mental health problems, and none of them are divided by sex.

There are many more men than there are transwomen in the world. So these situations are much, much more common. Why are you not worried about the vulnerable women already forced to share facilities with men? Surely you can see how that could be viewed by some as prejudice?*

But no, it's worth replying again that I clearly think all transwomen should be housed with women, and so I must then agree that all men should be housed with women. I definitely haven't covered my thoughts on the matter.

Got my bingo card ready and waiting for the calls of 'BUT WHAT IS A WOMAN?!'

”You seem to have misunderstood what is meant by being a woman. Being a woman means being a human with a female body. That's it. You can dress and behave as you want according to your own personality and personal taste.

It's not a 'role', it's simply a physical description”

Yes. This. A woman isn’t a role I play in society. There are certain expectations placed upon me because I’m a woman but it is surely better, more self-affirming and more progressive to refuse to comply with those expectations as a woman than to decide I therefore am not one?

I guess people could be confused as to why it's ok to want to exclude men, but prejudice if they want to exclude transwomen?

But so many of the places you are concerned about are already mixed sex. Homeless hostels housing pregnant women and children alongside recently released prisoners. I've worked in several residential homes for people with mental health problems, and none of them are divided by sex.

I didn't even know this! This is such an important point.

It's doesn't follow logically though. You can't say these men are ok not those ones...

Either men are ok or they aren't. Picking and choosing makes no sense. Especially if they are self selecting.

There have been threads on here and in the news about the vulnerabilities of women and children in mixed sex situations as described.

News article recently about secure mental health accommodation and teen girls being at risk from male inpatients.

We need more single sex facilities for vulnerable women, girls and children. Not less.

Wow, sideris, your responses are fantastic -- measured, thoughtful and honest. Bravo to you for speaking out in this space.

There are a lot of feminists on MN who support trans people (I'm one) and it makes me sad that MN in general is such a trans-unfriendly place. I hope the people who surround you in real life are more open-minded than many of the posters on this thread.

I was housed with lots of other pregnant women, and women with children. But over half of the other residents were male; a good proportion of them had recently been released from prison, and/ or were on tag. My door got banged each night, presumably to rob me, but who knows? I know people who were raped there. There were shared bathrooms. I weed in a saucepan every night for a week, until I went back to my abuser, as I couldn't take it any longer.

KnowBetter - you have made a very good argument for single sex, women-only spaces there, and shown that mixed sex spaces where women may be vulnerable, will compromise women's safety.

Can you explain why any people born male should be allowed into spaces that are currently women-only, just on the basis of their self-declared gender identity? And how we would stop predatory men claiming to identify as women using self ID to gain access to vulnerable women?

*There have been threads on here and in the news about the vulnerabilities of women and children in mixed sex situations as described.

News article recently about secure mental health accommodation and teen girls being at risk from male inpatients.*

Then why are you disregarding my opinions when I'm telling you that I've actually lived it? You've read threads, but I've lived it.

Yet when I tell you that because of this, I do not think that transwomen are the biggest issue facing women in society - hell, they're not even the biggest issue within this topic (the thousands of poor, vulnerable and/ or young women being housed with thousands of men at this very moment are, no self ID or trickery needed), I'm shouted down - because you've read all of the threads, and the newspaper articles, so you clearly know better. It's ignorant.

Going back a bit but:
Q:
Do you not feel that is a bit like religion, where you believe something so strongly even though factually there is no evidence other than belief?
A:
Do you believe that personality or enjoying the taste of mushrooms is based on religion? They're equally based on self reporting and equally measurable.

Personality isn't based on self-reporting. If someone reports that they are honest and trustworthy, they do not have an honest or trustworthy personality if they consistently behave dishonestly. They might consider themselves to be honest, but if their actions prove otherwise, no-one would agree that they had an honest personality.

If someone believes my personality to be introverted, it's not because I've self-reported that.

The OP didn't actually answer this question, just made up a different one to ask in place of an answer. I'm struggling to understand how the words OP uses relate to what's being asked, quite frequently.

OP:
It doesn't change when some of the 'women' assaulted are factually men or nonbinary,

I don't understand what "factually men" are - please could you clarify? You were asked this at 09.41 today as well.