I used to be a prostitute AMA

[AMAnamechange28]

Name changed for this obviously. AMA

Interesting that you talk about prostitution and lap dancing in the same post. From what I’ve read on here, people who have worked in lap dancing clubs seem to want to deny that there is any sexual involvement.

At the time I kind of enjoyed it, I enjoyed the power and the boost to my self esteem. But I really gritted my teeth through most of the sex, it was humiliating. It's had a massive impact on me psychologically, it wasn't a real self esteem boost but made me feel like an object and like my only worth was in how I look (something I still struggle with). After leaving I had a severe mental breakdown and then suffered for about 10 years with depression, PTSD and anorexia. I also really struggled with sex afterwards, I've never had a long term relationship, I hated all men for so long and I had chronic pain in my vagina and vaginosis for a number of years (not due to a physical injury but just trauma I think)
I really wouldn't recommend it but it's made me who i am.

Vaginismus*

Do you still hate all men?

What did the men tell you? Their wives wouldn’t have sex? Or not anal or whatever

Oh OP thank you for making such a thread. And I’m so sorry about what happened to you growing up. Men can be real pigs and I suppose you saw a lot of the worser ones which won’t have helped. Xxxx

I am firmly NOT in favour of decriminalisation. I have done a lot of thinking and reading since I left and am pro nordic model. I think men will always have more power then women in society if they have right to buy sex and if women are for sale.

Weirdest stuff- a lot of men (a v surprising and disturbing amount!) would ask me to call them daddy, shave all my pubes and pretend to be a child being raped by an adult (them). These experiences, and others like them (which I cant forget!) are what make me convinced of the nordic model

I just couldn’t have sex unless there was a sexual spark there and we were both clearly very turned on, how did you bypass that in your line of work and did you find it really hard to fulfil your clients because of that?

I’m assuming you had to carry on regardless of how you were feeling/ pain etc.

Do you also feel like porn has a lot to answer for in what these men were wanting to pay you for?

Finally....
Did you get many virgins/ married men?

Could you have said no to the rape scenario ?

Why do you think seemingly young married men do it? What do you think is the main issue ? Is there a pattern with these men?

My friends husband has recently done this and blown up his family life. He's a seemingly quiet normal bloke - just wonder why you think they do it ?

I hope you are happier and working through your PTSD OP

Yes OP did the men ever give reasons like their wife wasn’t putting out? We’re there any you really liked?

Gosh your cross post has made me feel sick. Some men are absolutely disgusting. Oh my goodness.

Thank you everyone for all your kind words btw! I was a bit worried I would get jumped on.

I do still hate men a lot, it's something I'm working on! I think what makes it so difficult is that I saw men from a cross section of society, all types, even those that come across as nice men to everyone who knows them. For example men would book me to their homes in the middle of the day and I'd see all their family photographs, kids drawings etc. It gets to me that these type of men could seem so nice and yet pay a teenager for sex, makes me second guess everyone I meet

Were you a drug user?

a lot of men (a v surprising and disturbing amount!) would ask me to call them daddy, shave all my pubes and pretend to be a child being raped by an adult (them).

That's so horrifying -totally understandable why this would leave you traumatised.

Thank you for being so honest and answering all these questions

OP. Thank you for posting this thread. I am sorry that our society is set up so that vulnerable teens can end up going through what you were put through. Like you, I support the Nordic model - decriminalize prostitutes, but criminalize the shit out of the punters and pimps.

Jellybean I-I think the reason I was able to do it was because I'd been sexually abused when I was younger and didn't see my body as important, I didnt really care what happened to me.

I cant really answer the questions on why a young married man would do it. None of the men ever really spoke about their wives and I never brought it up. I'm sorry, I wish I had a better answer, I think the answer is simply because they and they think they'll get a way with it.

Oh OP your breaking my heart. I hope the bastard responsible for your heartache came to a nasty end.

I’m so shocked by your rape scenario post OP - that must’ve been so awful for you with the childhood abuse you mentioned. I hope you have found peace with your past.

You’re clearly a survivor with a hell of a strong will to have escaped so much. No questions but thanks for making this thread and I hope you’re continuing to heal

I wasn't a drug user (would occasionally take MDMA at the weekend like any other teenager )but didnt have a dependency. I drunk a lot of alcohol during work to numb myself.

To try and answer the question about why married men would do it, I did see one married man regularly, he would pay me just to hang out with him and began to tell me that he loved me and that he wanted to leave his wife for me. I knew a bit about his wife, tbh she seemed like a really great woman, great career, strong and feisty. It sounds weird but even though I never met her I think I wanted to be like her. I think he however was an immature fantasist who couldn't handle a relationship with an assertive adult woman

Take care lass and be safe. You are an incredibly brave woman you are not alone. You are a survivor very much by the sound of things.

Again, thank you everyone for all your sweet messages of support! I feel genuinely overwhelmed!

You sound like such a strong and brave woman. I hope your life is happier now.

I am very sorry you had those experiences.

Assuming you have a non-sex job now, how did you manage to get a job, did you have to invent a cover story for the years you were a prostitute, have you had a chance to go to college?