I'm 30 years sober today. Ask me anything.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Just that, really. I have DS aged 23 and 26 who were born after I stopped drinking. It's been amazing. Everything good in my life stems from my sobriety.

Many congratulations!

Congratulations Prawn

Gosh well done!

How much did you used to drink?
How long did you drink too much? Do you know why?
What was the trigger to make you stop drinking?

Did you join AA or did you do it on your own? What event triggered you to go sober?

And congratulations!

How were you, when you were drunk?
Happy? Sad? Aggressive?

Did you suffer with hangovers regularly? What did you drink? Congrats on being sober for so long!

Did you use and abuse your family/close friends when you were alcoholic?

Did you live in a buble of alcoholics when you were drinking?

Do you still hang out with your old drinking buddies?

Do you actively avoid alcohol at all times now and does your addiction/recovery from same still dictate your socializing in general?

Do your family need to consistently support you in your sobriety, is that a family focus point or is it just something that is in the past?

Well done for accepting the addicition and getting sober, I have alcoholics in my family and they really are such black holes and so hurtful and painful. Good on you for accepting the toxicity of the situation you were in and taking steps to get healthy.

First, I’m really pleased to read this. Lost my husband to alcoholism and it makes me happy to know that not everyone goes that way.
Do you believe in the AA thing of your disease doing press-ups while you’re next door in the meeting room? (If you’re not AA, hopefully you still get the analogy).

Do you seek out other non-drinkers to hang out with or still socialise mainly with drinkers?

Gosh, I didn't expect so many questions.

How much did you used to drink?

At the end I was drinking 1/4 bottle of vodka and two 2 litre bottles of cider a day.

How long did you drink too much? Do you know why?

My drinking got really out of control about five years before I stopped.

I don't know exactly why I drank. Partly to deal with my chronic depression and anxiety. A GP I had after I stopped said she thought I self-medicated. My drinking definitely became worse after I was made redundant from a job I adored.

But I'm sure part of it was that I'd watched my DF's alcoholism. He dealt with the death of his DM with scotch. So when I hit a major bump in the road I reached for the booze.

I'm sure that alcoholism is partly genetic and partly learned behaviour. One of my cousins died of it last summer, and one of my DC has the trait. Thank God he's taken it on board and is very careful about how much he drinks now.

My DF got sober 45 years ago, so sobriety seems to run in the family too.

What was the trigger to make you stop drinking?

That my marriage wasn't going to survive if I didn't stop.

I got married in May 88. In the course of the next 10 months it became clear to both of us that my drinking was simply unsustainable if we wanted to stay married.

I never hid my drinking from DH. In that we were atypical. Most alcoholics lie to their families.

But what's ok-ish when you're just a wild partying couple looks very different in the context of marriage. Our vows were very important to both of us and it wasn't going to last. I couldn't bear that.

I was desperate to stop drinking but I couldn't think of a way.

We had a big blow up and I went to stay with my DPs trying to think what to do. They were very blunt about my drinking but very loving and they arranged for me to go to rehab.

Congratulations.

Did your DH drink anywhere near as much or as often as you at the time? Does he drink at all now?

How were you, when you were drunk?
Happy? Sad? Aggressive?

One of the things my DH found so difficult was that he never knew which Prawn would greet him in the evening. Life of the party, miserable, horny, bad tempered... I was never aggressive exactly but I could be argumentative or just stroppy.

I lost a lot of friends towards the end because I just got totally shitfaced, which is a pain. Slurring and talking repetitive rubbish. That's not too bad at a huge boozy party but I fucked up a couple of dinner parties. People stop asking you after that.

Did your DH drink anywhere near as much or as often as you at the time? Does he drink at all now?

DH was a heavy drinker but not an alcoholic. But we met in a pub and were always getting pissed together. We were together for two years before we got married, so nearly three before I stopped drinking.

He continued to drink after I got sober though not in the house. Once the DC arrived he drank less because he was a good dad. And he was always supportive of my recovery. He never complained about the many AA meetings I attended.

But I don't want to minimise. In a very happy marriage, the one source of stress and rows was his drinking. But, as my DF pointed out, a moderate social drinker would never have married me.

I often thought it would have been much easier if he had been an alcoholic. Then he could have gone into recovery. But he wasn't. He was a binge drinker who never got that bad.

Sadly he died of cancer when our DC were still at primary school.

Did you use and abuse your family/close friends when you were alcoholic?

Yes. Not in terms of stealing or verbal abuse, but I was hard work. I didn't lose my closest friends but I definitely lost a lot of not so close ones.

I think you'd have to ask them, because during my worst behaviour I was in a blackout.

Did you live in a buble of alcoholics when you were drinking?

Yes, on the whole. I used three pubs regularly and all the people I drank with were heavy drinkers, even if they weren't strictly speaking alcoholic.

Do you still hang out with your old drinking buddies?

No. We had nothing in common once I didn't drink.

So sorry to hear about your DH.

Thank you so much for sharing - people like you give me so much inspiration! I’m just over 6 months sober after many attempts and many falls off the wagon. I’m determined for it to stick this time and stories like yours inspire me to believe it can be done.

Have you had any wobbles or lapses over the 30 years or maybe just come close to breaking your sobriety?

Thank you, prawn.
May I ask another, please?

Did you say things when you were drunk that you actually meant?
I mean if you were being argumentative, would you say things you had thought for a while but wouldn't have said when sober?

Sorry to hear about your DH. I was asking about his drinking because I imagined having a partner that continued to drink would have made stopping difficult.
Thank you for taking the time to answer.

Do you actively avoid alcohol at all times now and does your addiction/recovery from same still dictate your socializing in general?

No. Not any more. For the first four or five years I didn't go into pubs at all. Now I'm perfectly comfortable going for lunch in a pub. But you won't find me propping up the bar.

I now serve alcohol if I'm entertaining. But that's because my sobriety is so ingrained. To me alcohol is like battery acid. It's useful stuff and I might buy it but I wouldn't drink it in a million years.

I kept away from anything to do with drink in early sobriety. Now I'll go to parties and other people's drinking has no impact on me - though drunks can be incredibly boring.

Being at ease with other people's drinking has been a good thing. Several times people have approached me and asked why I don't drink. Then it turns out they want to know how I did it. I've got several people into AA that way.

I've never been tempted to relapse, however bad things have been - and I've had some tough times.

Absolutely amazing, well done!

Sorry if this is insensitive or just a plain stupid question but I've never known anyone with alcoholism that's gotten sober. Can you drink now? I'm sure the answer is no, but what would happen if you had one drink?

Don't have anything to ask but congratulations

If people that don't know you ask you why you're not drinking, say on a night out, do you tell them the truth?

You're absolutely amazing x

Have you had any wobbles or lapses over the 30 years or maybe just come close to breaking your sobriety?

No. Never. Not even when DH was dying, which took a year from diagnosis to death.

I was desperate to stop. I just didn't think anything would work. But I worked the AA programme as hard as I possibly could and suddenly - almost magically - the desire to drink was lifted from me. And it has never returned.

If I hadn't got sober I would have killed myself. Suicide was in my head all the time. I don't ever want to go back there. I would rather die than drink again.

You're amazing. That's an incredible achievement. Well done.