I gave birth in Japan ask me anything

[Manjuu]

I’ve enjoyed reading the “I live in Japan” thread and like the OP I live in Japan and DH is Japanese. I’ve lived here for almost 15 years.

I’ve only ever given birth in Japan so I’m interested to see how things are different to back home in the UK. So...hit me with your questions on giving birth, childcare customs, life here in Japan - whatever you like.

I can’t see how we could move to the UK easily with the strict visa rules. As the UK national I’d have to return home first, work for a year earning whatever the amount the Home Office expect (20 something thousand?) then start applying for DH’s visa. I can’t see how we’d be able to do that without separating the family for a year.

My children will attend Japanese schools. I am British but my children are culturally Japanese and I don’t want them to not feel part of their own culture. I think putting them in an international school in Japan would make them feel like outsiders in their own country. We also can’t afford the fees!

There are downsides to the Japanese education system but I think I can supplement their education myself. They are bilingual so they won’t have to go through the stress of learning English from scratch like their peers and that will put them at an enormous advantage when taking high school and university entrance exams. It’s like a free pass in one major subject.

I came to Japan as an assistant English teacher on whim and never really made it back home 😂

That's really interesting about the suggestion of BF for a few minutes initially then topping up with formula until milk cake in. My first dc was a constant feeder, I was exhausted, my nipples started cracking on day 3 but the midwives said this was really good and was the best start and under no circumstances could I offer formula to give myself some relief. Breastfeeding was one of the worst experiences of my life, despite the whole nipple confusion thing it seems that the Japanese are the experts.

*milk came in, not cake in!

How I learnt Japanese is probably worth a thread of its own but in short, I taught myself using a ton of textbooks, CDs and a continuous cycle of input and output practice. I think learning a foreign language to a reasonably high level is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling things I’ve done in my life and probably the achievement I’m proudest of :-)

This is all really interesting! I long to visit Japan.
Is the average number of children for a couple two?

Great thread! I remember someone posted photos of their Japanese hospital food on Reddit once - here they are for anyone interested! m.imgur.com/gallery/hq8rV

This is so interesting, thank you so much!

A second time mother in my UK antenatal class had had her first baby in Japan ( she was English, husband Japanese) . She mentioned the lack of pain relief and concern about not putting on weight - she also said she had her whole abdomen area bound afterwards which was intended to flatten it back down quickly. This was a couple of decades ago so I wondered if it was still a practice ?

Yeah, I’ve read threads about how hard bf was in the beginning and how new mums have been made to feel like failures for “giving in to formula” so easily. Of course I know the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding but I think the slower start I had here was kinder to my mental health. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Of course other hospitals may have different policies but that was just my experience.

The national average for number of children is probably lower than two but I see lots of two and three child families where I live. Tokyo is very crowded and apartments are small so most people would be hard pushed to fit more than two children in! Childless and child-free women are increasing here like most developed countries. The reason the population is falling so rapidly here is that there are so few immigrants to boost the numbers.

They bound my pelvis with a kind of velcro strap thing to hold it all together (?!) and gave me pills after the birth to shrink my uterus down quickly (oxytocin?). My abdomen went down really quickly but the afterpains were pretty intense!

This is fascinating, thank you op! I lived in Japan for 5 years but left before I had children. I had heard that there was no pain relief in labour and you had to gaman, the women I spoke to found this really hard. However I love the idea of staying in hospital for longer then going back to your mums for a month!
I have quite a few 'haafu' friends, are you worried about your kids being the subject of racism? Some of my friends were badly bullied for not being fully Japanese. Although that could have been out of jealousy as they are all bloody stunning, male and female!

Fascinating thread @Manjuu, thank you.

I’m worried not so much about outright racism but about the kind of “othering” or microagressions you get as a minority in a homogeneous country. I don’t want them to feel like they don’t belong. They have completely Japanese names so you can’t tell they are any different on paper but they are quite obviously half European to look at. When I’m out with my children without DH we do get the foreigner treatment. Not in a rude way but a kind of “welcome to Japan - where are you from?” type treatment.

This is so interesting. Thank you

Why ??

This is a really interesting thread, thanks Manjuu!

I have a colleague who lived in Japan for a long time, his wife is Japanese and they had their son there. I co-sleep with my 18 month old and my colleague told me not to stress about getting DS into his own bed because in Japan it’s standard practice to co-sleep for years, even into the teens. Is this your experience? I thought he might have been pulling my leg with the teenagers bit...

Your colleague is right! Ok, maybe not teenagers but certainly until at least the start of elementary school. A lot of families don’t have beds so keep their futons folded up in a cupboard in one room and everyone rolls them out at night and kips down together.

A lot of what the Japanese do would probably be called attachment parenting in the UK but here it’s all just normal common sense - sleeping with your young children until they are ready to sleep alone, extended breastfeeding, baby wearing, etc. Everyone carries their babies in carriers or slings until they are toddlers. It’s much easier that way than negotiating the subway with massive prams.

Very interesting thread. Thanks op

Finding this so interesting, thank you for starting the thread.

How long do breastfeed for in Japan and when is weaning on to solids recommended? What are the first foods for babies?

Thank you! I’m glad it’s interesting.

A lot of mothers bf for a couple of years. There’s no recommended time limit as far as I know. I don’t think it’s that unusual to feed 2 or 3 year olds to sleep here.

Babies here are weaned on rice porridge from about 5-6 months. Starting with very sloppy rice and slowly adding vegetables, seaweed, fish, chicken, etc. I’m not keen on giving babies too much rice because it gives them constipation.

A lot of family restaurants include baby food on the menu. It’s often rice porridge with tiny baby fish - eyeballs and all 😅

How available compared to the UK is baby equipment?

There are specialist baby stores everywhere so you can buy everything easily. However, the selection of items is quite different because of the different lifestyle. For example, you won’t find nursery furniture like changing tables and huge cots because nobody has the space for it. Everyone just changes their baby on a mat on the floor and puts them to sleep on a futon. Huge prams and travel systems aren’t popular here because of the space problem so most people use very small and compact Japanese brand prams and pushchairs. On the other hand, there is a huge variety of slings and carriers available because everyone uses them. Baby food is a bit different - less fruit-based stuff and more rice, noodle and vegetable (and of course fish!) dishes available in jars from every supermarket and “drugstore”.

I love this thread, thank you for starting it. Apologies if I’ve missed the question but do you have midwives or are babies delivered by doctors? Does the lack of pain relief make you more frightened to give birth or did you think of everyone else can manage so can I? Is water birth a thing?