I gave birth in Japan ask me anything

[Manjuu]

I’ve enjoyed reading the “I live in Japan” thread and like the OP I live in Japan and DH is Japanese. I’ve lived here for almost 15 years.

I’ve only ever given birth in Japan so I’m interested to see how things are different to back home in the UK. So...hit me with your questions on giving birth, childcare customs, life here in Japan - whatever you like.

Hello! My first two were born in Tokyo! One in hospital and one at home. Very different to here, I agree, and I’m vegetarian!

Hajime Mashita!

Thanks for all the questions.

There are relatively few pain relief hospitals so most women I know have given birth without any pain relief at all. Obviously if things get complicated they’ll perform an emergency c-section either under general anaesthetic or epidural as necessary. I think labour and birth are viewed as completely natural events and the pain is just one part of that that needs to be endured. As a culture the Japanese are very fond of the concept of “gaman”, which means “endure” or “quietly put up with it”.

Tears during childbirth are less common here because they routinely perform episiotomies. Having the stitches taken out was more painful than the birth!

Japanese women talk freely about childbirth and other medical stuff - maybe even more so than the Brits. My MIL and SIL happily told me about their experiences.

My hospital told me to come in to get checked over either when my waters broke or contractions were four minutes apart. They certainly wouldn’t have sent anyone home again if they were actually in labour. There are so many small ob-gyn clinics and maternity hospitals that there is pressure on the staff in terms of time and space. If labour didn’t progress they would have just kept me in until it started.

Yes, likein Korea and I’m guessing China too, new mothers are looked after very well. Many women go back to live with their parents for a month or two after the birth so their mum can cook and clean and give the new mother time to recover and bond with her baby. Obviously this wasn’t an option for me so DH did most of the cooking and nobody cleaned 😂

Hi Slippers!

How did you manage with the hospital food as a vegetarian? I found the food pretty good (not overly keen on shellfish though) but there’s no choice so I know it’s hard if you don’t eat meat or fish.

Yep, it was hard - I didn’t really eat the food (there was the odd sweet bread roll) but that first cup of ocha the following morning may well still be the best drink I’ve ever had. And I don’t normally like it! I was in a room with three other women, in a cosy corner having had no sleep with this amazing little thing that came out knowing how to do stuff! It was crazy! I went home after that. My husband and mum brought lots of fruit and snacks in so it was all good.

My midwife (the second time around) told me not to have anything cold - as in physically cold or what is considered cold (like watermelon). She said it was because this would affect the uterus due to its position and the fact that the muscles needed to be warm to work properly. The differences between there and the uk were very interesting!

This is such an interesting thread - thank you for starting it.

Do the Japanese women of working age that you know expect to continue working after having children? To what extent is being a SAHM a thing, and how fully is it accepted?

This is very interesting, thank you!

Are partners allowed in the delivery room? (including of course birthing partners such as friend/mum etc?)

What's the after care like when back at home? Do you get midwife visits?

Are there any customs/superstitions/local customs regarding new babies? For example any particular gifts given as a custom or tradition, or giving of items for luck etc?

Are there card and gift shops with new baby cards/gifts/balloons? Is it customary for people to send new baby cards etc? Would anyone get you a "Baby Girl" helium balloon or is that sort of thing not a thing there? I'm curious to know what the "done thing" is in terms of acknowledgement of new baby?

Glad it’s interesting!

I would say staying at home with your children until they reach elementary school age (6 years old) is more common here and being a SAHP (almost always the mum) is a well-respected choice, almost to the point of being the obvious and expected choice. Professional women are likely to go back to work and put their children in nursery but women in general admin jobs or retail etc will just give up work when they get pregnant. My SIL gave up work when she got married and still hasn’t gone back even though both her children are in school.
The government is trying to encourage women to stay in the workplace so maternity and childcare leave pay is probably amongst the best in the world. I get 6 weeks before the birth at 2/3 of my salary then after the birth 6 months at 2/3 pay and then a further 6 months at 1/2 my salary. This can be extended up to another 6 months if you cannot get a place in daycare for your child. There can’t be many places with more generous provisions. Whether your company’s culture will “allow” you to take so much time off work is another matter.

Depending on the policy of the hospital you choose, partners are allowed in the delivery room. However many Japanese men choose not to and many Japanese women prefer it if they are not there 😂 Mine was there for our first birth but they only let him in at the final push and then not at the “busi ess end(!). They also charged extra for the privilege. For the second birth we saved our money and he stayed at home until I texted him to say the baby had arrived safely. The hospital wouldn’t allow anyone but the husband in the delivery room so no mums, friends, overbearing MILs or other hangers-on.

When you are discharged from hospital you are pretty much left to your own devices. No home midwife visits. They told me to go back to the hospital when my baby’s umbilical cord stump fell off (a few days later) and at that visit I was checked over by an ob-gyn and my baby was checked over by a paedriatician. Mums also fill in a questionnaire assessing mental health to check for PND. The next check up is the one month check where once again mum and baby are given a full health check.

Rather than presents, most friends and relatives give money. My PIL gave us quite a lot of money, grandma-in-law sent some cash and even my company sent a card with a crisp ¥10,000 in it (about £70 ish). Other relatives gave money in addition to baby clothes and a huge box of nappies.

One major difference is leaving work before going on maternity leave. Instead of getting cards and presents, the pregnant woman gives out small gifts to her workmates (small cakes, cookies etc) to apologise for leaving them all in the lurch. That surprised me!

You can buy baby cards in some shops but it is customary to send money in a fancy envelopes for weddings, births and other big life events. There is not really a culture of writing and sending cards here. New Year cards are sent but they are more like postcards printed with a picture of your family with a standard greeting written on. No helium balloons!

When given presents or money, it is the custom to give a return gift up to a third of the value of the original gift. This obligation is a major pain in the backside. Close relatives don’t really require return gifts but workmates or acquaintances would need to be given something in return to acknowledge the original gift. It takes the fun out of giving and receiving presents because it becomes an obligation.

My DH’s family are not particularly tradional or conservative so a lot of traditional Japanese customs just pass me by. There is the 100 day eating ceremony where the baby is given a (symbolic) first meal. The baby obviously doesnt eat anything but is propped up in front of a meal of rice, fish, soup and vegetables and “fed” the meal. This is to wish that the baby grows up strong and healthy with a good appetite.

We forgot to do this 😅

Sorry if I missed it and you already answered, but do you speak Japanese and did you experience any language barriers during birth? Do most people use public hospitals there?

Have you bumped into any weird culture clashes to do with babies and birth from your in-laws?

This is all fascinating. It sounds very different and much calmer with women better cared for.

I am in no doubt that the lack of post natal support is one of the reasons for the UK’s appalling breast feeding rates

Hi memaymamo

I didn’t mention it before but yes, I do speak Japanese and I can read and write (up to a point!). That gave me more options when choosing a hospital as I wasn’t restricted to the small number of hospitals with English-speaking staff. I chose a small ob-gyn clinic within walking distance of my house. That is what most women do. The healthcare system here is very different to back home. There are not really public hospitals v private hospitals. More like large general hospitals and smaller specialist clinics. Whichever you choose, you get the same amount of money from the government and you or your private insurance pays for the remainder of the bill.

I didn’t encounter any particular language barriers, even though the entire experience was in Japanese. I had to teach myself a lot of medical terminology as I went along just so i could understand the doctors and ask questions myself. I also researched a lot of info in English so I knew what to expect. In a way, I enjoyed the fact it was all in Japanese as it made it all less personal and embarrassing in a way. I felt slightly removed from the experience.

I’m incredibly lucky with my in laws. They are extremely kind and helpful but in no way overbearing or opinionated and I haven’t really experienced any clashes of culture. You might find other foreign wives with completely different experiences though - Japanese MILs are notorious!

My MIL smuggled sweets and cakes into the hospital and insisted on feeding me up to build up my strength before giving birth. She’s the best ❤️

Your in-laws sound gorgeous! Lucky you.

I completely agree about the breastfeeding rates. Resting in hospital for a few days with experts on hand makes it mich less stressful. Strangely enough the nurses and midwives don’t aggressively push breastfeeding but it’s just presented as the obvious and natural first choice. To help get it started they say to give the baby a few minutes at the breast and top up with formula if necessary and gradually increase the time the baby nurses until formula is no longer needed. I know many women prefer not to give their newborn any formula at all but I found it a stress free way to ensure my baby was fed at the same time as establishing breastfeeding.

I very rarely see Japanese women breastfeeding in public places but every shopping centre or department store and even supermarkets have a mother and baby room with lots of comfy seats for breastfeeding mothers and even curtained-off areas to use if you want more privacy. There are also plenty of nappy changing tables and a hot water dispenser for making up formula if you need to. Some of these tooms even have scales for weighing your baby! These places are amazing.

Not tooms - rooms!

So what happens op if you are putting on more weight every week than they're happy with? They just lecture you every time?

If you are a “normal” weight to begin with they advise that you gain no more than 10kg during your pregnancy. If you are already what they deem overweight, they’ll alter your target weight gain to make sure you put on the least amount of weight possible. My hospital advised no more thn a 500g weight gain in any one week. I think I put on around 8-9kg during each pregnancy and they were happy with that. My babies were still much bigger than the Japanese average though.

If you put on more than they advise, you’ll get a very strongly worded lecture and possibly even the threat of not being able to give birth safely at that hospital.

10 kg is really not much weight gain - I weighed myself regularly and know I put on closer 15 kg in both my first pregnancies. According to the app I was using to track my weight I was in the normal range of weight gain. Did you find it hard keeping your weight down? Do you think the pressure to keep the baby small is part of the reason for the low C section rates?

Fascinating post thanks op.

I lived in Japan years ago while teaching English.

Not birth related but can't resist asking, obviously there is huge pressure on young children do to well at school. Have you accepted this or do you intend to bring them to the UK when they're older?

How did you end up in Japan? And do you speak Japanese fluently?

A really interesting read thanks.

I didn’t alter my diet at all during pregnancy but I made sure to do plenty of brisk walking every day and I kept up swimming until the very end. Even with all that exercise it was hard to stay under the target. Apparently some Japanese women are so scared of the weight gain lecture they diet leading up to the weigh in. I am sure this is why the c-section weight is so low. It is much easier to give birth naturally to smaller babies. I think most babies here are in the 6lb range (not mine!). The c-section rate is only about 17%. The recommended weight gain range is much lower here than in the UK and I told myself that as long as I stayed within the NHS recommendations I’d be fine.