I'm a nursery manager AMA

[Dlah]

I'm a full time nursery manager and mother AMA

How would you get a baby to sleep who is currently only nursed and held for sleep or taken for a walk in a pram/ carrier? The baby will not sleep in a cot at home. What would you do in the nursery setting?

Do the children all have a routine that they follow from you or do you follow the routines the parents have at home?

What do you think of childminders?

From what age do you feel it's ok for babies to be in nursery without them being damaged by the stress of separation?

@StinkySaurus purely down to parent preference, if the child needs to be held/rocked then we get staff to do this no issues

StinkySaurus ask about this when you look at nurseries. DD’s nursery rocked her in her pushchair for a few weeks and then by magic (face stroking) got her to sleep in a cot. I also saw babies being rocked in arms.

@Sarah22xx whilst there is a basic routine within the nursery, this is flexible to meet each child's/parents needs and especially baby side we follow individual routines there for bottles/sleeps. We have set nappy changing times, where each child is changed regardless to keep them fresh but obviously if they soil before this is dealt with at the time, things like sleep is also quite common to be out of sync when at nursery to what parents see at home, sometimes just down to different settings other times just down to being very on the go at nursery/tired sooner etc

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I think every parent is looking for different things and for some, they're a preferred preference for the smaller setting/numbers.

I'm lucky my nursery is a very homely/small nursery which is what I like, I can't be doing with large corporate nursery chains driven by cash.

Childminders can sometimes offer more out and about things, trips to park etc whereas we generally maintain stricter ratios so this can be harder

Pro's and cons to both

@Whatshouldonedo in my career the youngest I've had was 6 weeks and it broke my own heart let alone the parents/child's but this was just the way it was for a job they needed to go back to.

Personally, children who come in between 9-12 months generally do well as I find they're not quite as clingy. It's normal for tears and again, this subsides at different times, a full time child is likely to settle much faster purely because they're with us more from the off, a child who comes one day a week is likely to take much longer - in fact I've seen this go on for months as it's just not 'routine' enough once a week

@StinkySaurus - @Jackshouse makes a good point - for us parent flexibility is the key, it's surprising what some children will do for us that they won't for parents, I think some think we're fibbing!

I had one child point blank refused to eat tuna at home, so mum asked us to change menu option that day, I asked if she minded me trying first and sure enough - that child is the first one to finish the plate every time! Mum couldn't believe it so I showed her on cctv after! Little people are funny things!

How quickly do staff start to understand what the toddlers are saying? (Like when a parent can understand but strangers wouldn't have a clue )
What do you do if a child is a totally fussy eater and refuses any of the food?

@furryelephant I'd say most stay become fairly efficient in deciphering toddler code haha! We have a number who use their own words/actions to communicate things.

Fussy eaters - we do get them, only once in my career have I had a child point blank refuse all other meals than breakfast, even if then offered a second helping of the same breakfast later refused this too, so we could see this was more down to choice. Generally a child won't go hungry and will just be selective to what they like, as we offer breakfast, AM & PM snack, lunch & tea generally most children will eat something st some point.
In terms of meals, I personally am not a fan of adjusting meals unless dietary/religious requirement, ie some parents will say 'oh they really don't like this' but I still think it's better to have it on the plate as an option to try - if we don't give them opportunities they'll never have the chance to get past it. We know ourselves our tastes change over time

Thanks for replying! My DD is starting nursery soon and she eats a handful of types of raw veg, plain pasta and toast not to my efforts she just refuses to touch anything! Hoping at nursery she will at least try their food

@furryelephant hopefully you'll be surprised - some children love the role modelling of other children around them. I do have one parent who insists on sending a packet of crisps 'in case they don't eat' but I think this just gets into bad habits and children are not daft and can easily twig 'ah if I don't eat this I get my yummy crisps!' So they tend to stay in the bag and again, said child normally will try food, even if doesn't clear plate.

If I was genuinely concerned I'd offer alternatives, the big key here is drinking - as long as they drink I'm never too worried

Sending crisps is definitely not what I'll be doing it's only afternoon she'll be going so will have lunch before going and can have tea once she's home anyway if she doesn't eat, so hopefully won't starve

@furryelephant haha yes don't be 'that' parent! Lol I'm sure they'll do great once they get into it and afternoons are a nice manageable time chunk for them

My DS will be starting nursery in April at almost 14 months old. He'll be there for 2.5 days a week (two long days 08:00-18:00, and one half day (morning only, when he'll spend the afternoon with his dad). I'll still be spending the rest of the week with him - hurrah!

He's doing OK with his solid food, and his two daytime naps are pretty consistent in terms of timings (albeit I usually bf him to sleep for one, and we're out in the car / pushchair for the other).

Would you be able to give me three 'top tips' for how I can prepare him (and myself!) over the next couple of months? Feel free to be as honest as you like. I absolutely appreciate that all children (and parents!) are different, but want to make sure I put him in the best possible position for settling in.

Thanks very much in advance.

@Rufffles if your son isn't used to other people then get some play dates in if you can

Really there's not much prep you can do before hand but what I will say;

• if they offer settling sessions, take them (most offer some free)

• when he starts, even at that age, don't linger on drop offs - nice and positive, confidently hand him over (even if nervous inside!) give him a kiss and say you'll see him later/give a little wave and go. Tears are likely but are generally short lived, children just want to know you're coming back and soon learn this. I have a particular parent who lingers if her child comes in absolutely fine, she literally waits 'oh I'm going then' (repeatedly emphasising her leaving) until it actual becomes an issue and he starts to cry!! I think she wants him to miss her (which I'm sure he does anyway) but seems to want his reaction to validate it.

• don't be afraid to call and check afterwards! I'd much rather a parent call me 10 times a day than worry x

Thankyou, that's really reassured me. My little boy is starting nursery in 6 weeks, he's almost 17months old :)

Thanks for the reply OP, this is such a reassuring thread!

@zzzzz very few! In my 15 year career I've suspected one child who did go on to have some additional needs and I've had 2 separate parents approach me with concerns.

One of which I'm working with at the moment as I agree there could be some additional needs to support, the other never amounted to anything

@Whatshouldonedo I'm glad it helps, id also like to say my own child goes to nursery and I still have the same apprehensions as other parents! It's just natural, I just want to know if my child is upset, they get a cuddle, if they're proud of a picture they get a high five and some praise - I want them to be loved that to me is worth a million times more than an Ofsted report or how many lentils the menus contains!

@zzzzz to be honest I'm sure in some places it's the case, I work in quite an affluent area and it definitely seems to be quieter on that front, whereas previous nurseries did have a bit more to say, especially when we had more children who were 2 year funded (eligible as deemed low income/vulnerable families).

Not ASD related but I had a child with Down's syndrome who was actually quite able although non verbal, parents pushing for a health plan as they knew it was the key to the school they wanted rather than actually needed to support the child! Quite an obvious attempt to play the system