I'm a nursery manager AMA

[Dlah]

I'm a full time nursery manager and mother AMA

@Dlah thank you so much! That has given me some reassurance :) 2nd full day today - fingers crossed!!

My DD is 15 months old and has been diagnosed with hand foot and mouth-she's actually been very well in herself and doesn't seem too bothered by it, eating and drinking normally and hasn't had a temperature

However, the rashes around her legs bottom and groin are horrific, they really look terrible and I was shocked when I got her up this morning as it looks much worse than yesterday
She's due to go to nursery tomorrow-HF&M has been going around and they've said it's fine to take her in, but I'm worried that if I do and then they go to change her and see how bad it is they're going to be livid, and also think I'm an awful mum for even considering taking her

WWYD?!!

@Handfootmouth must be the time of year we have it going round at the moment to!

I wouldn't worry, if they're happy to accept the Health Protection Agency tells us we can and there's no exclusion period. We have actually put an internal exclusion on because it does spread like wildfire (I've always wondered why HPA won't exclude it) but particularly babies handling toys etc.

If your nursery are happy and she's well, I wouldn't be concerned - you're not doing anything wrong and doctors won't give any treatment so nothing more you can do - as long as you point out if she goes downhill in herself you'll be on standby to collect that's all I'd ask of a parent

OP what do you think about kids being out in all weathers?

I understand all weathers are supposed to be good for the little ones but it was torrential rain here today and my office is by a nursery.

The kids had coats on but were like drowned rats and looked cold and miserable.

Is this an opt-out thing for parents? Are they asked if they want their DC to 'experience' pissing down rain?
Even at school we had 'wet play' and stayed indoors.

Thanks Dlah!

@IdleBetty admittedly I personally live by the rule "there's no such thing as unsuitable weather, only unsuitable clothing"

HOWEVER, as a practitioner I'd expect them to acknowledge and know when a child has reached their limits. There are times we'll be out in the torrential rain to see how much we can collect, to make the biggest splashes we can, but when a child becomes disengaged because they've had enough/cold/wet then a good practitioner should react to this and send indoors or adapt/seek shelter etc

@IdleBetty also not an opt out option really, children should be encouraged to take part in the whole day

Do you think younger children can be in nursery too much? My son has been doing 4 full days 7-4/4.30 since he was 6.5 months & I don’t think any of the others his age are in anywhere near as often (he’s now 1)
He absolutely adores nursery as far as I can see, never cries being dropped off & never has, never in a rush to stop playing to come home, eats well reportedly & gets excited going up the drive in the morning. I suppose I’m just concerned it will be looked at negatively/he will hold it against us in future years. Unfortunately time with family isn’t an option any days as my parents still work f/t and we simply cannot afford for me to drop to p/t so I have to work 4 longer days. We get plenty of quality time together over our 3 day weekend and get a few hours each night but I worry it’s not enough.

Ahhhh my DD is starting nursery in about two months time and I wasn't worried about it earlier but now it's getting closer I'm getting increasingly anxious about it. She will be 9 months old. I know she will have changed and developed a lot by then and I need to wait til the time comes but at the moment she is...difficult, still. Very clingy, has awful stranger & separation anxiety, cries so much still that she is going back to the GP next week and last time I went they said they were going to make a paeds referral if she was no better after a trial of ranitidine...I'm so worried about it! Sorry if you've answered very similar/same Qs already:

1. Nursery offers a couple of settling-in sessions but these are like 30mins/1hr long, I can't see how these can possibly aid her settling in when afterwards she is going to be there 8am-6pm?! Do you think these actually help? If so, any tips for them, how close to the date of actually starting should they be?
2. Nursery said to stay in the vicinity for settling-in sessions in case she is totally hysterical the whole time and they will call me, I live nearby so no problem there, however what am I supposed to do if she's utterly hysterical all the time when she goes to nursery proper?! You mention a couple of children you've experienced who never settled - do you know what their parents did in the end?!
3. At the moment I have her booked in for the first 3 weeks Mon-Wed as DM has agreed to have her 2 days a week, but I've since had work agree to my flexible working request so I am only going to be working Mon-Thurs. I thought it would better to have her in nursery consecutive days but I can see that you think otherwise, right? DM also has said she'd prefer to have her alternating days so it looks like she will be: Mon - nursery, Tues - with DM, Wed- Nursery, Thurs - DM, Fri - with me. Do you think that's a better pattern than Mon-Tues: nursery, Wed-Thurs: with DM?
4. DD is really difficult to get to sleep and often the only way I can get her to sleep is to push her in her pushchair, would nursery staff do this if necessary? I remember they said when we visited that they would rock/cuddle to sleep if necessary and I should tell them about how she gets to sleep nearer the time when she joins but unsure about pushing her about in a pushchair, would that be impractical? There is an outside space but obviously I think ratio is 1:3 isn't it even in the baby room?

@Sweetooth92 I genuinely believe that it makes no odds, so long as your son is settled and happy that's all that matters. We have some children in full time 8am - 5.30pm but parents do this to make sure they never go without. As per yourself, they ensure the quality time really is that - quality!

We all have different circumstances and we have to do what works!

@MeadowHay firstly - don't panic!

It's normal to feel anxious, I've spent 15 years reassuring parents that all will be well (and it genuinely normally is!) but when my own DD started nursery it just felt like such a different ball game, complete anxiety!

So, to try and answer some bits;

• Settling in - yes I feel they're worth doing, not sure what your nursery offers but we ask parents to stay for the first hour - let's baby see parents in same environment/explore together and then the second session of 2 hours - we let parents decide to stay/go/half and half. This is normally enough but some children do need more and if your daughter is particularly clingy and you're in a position to I'd ask for a prolonged settle - pay for some extra half day sessions maybe a month before you need her to start properly.

Little and often may be the best way for her to start

I know it's not nice to think of them crying but personally I find children settle easier if we're given the time to settle them, they need to know that we are a new source of comfort, so yes there may be crying and upset and for some even hysteria, but short lived it normally is.
Of the couple of children who never settled - both remained in nursery as the parents had no choice and they knew child was fed/watered/clean/healthy/not poorly so nothing missing etc in their care, and sadly was just 'them' I will add, they would settle for longer and longer but we just never got to a complete no upset stage, but it did lessen over time

Pattern wise - because you're looking at more days overall this will likely help anyway, it's usually a struggle for the children who just do 1 day, but the broken pattern works nicely from a parent perspective, I know I feel better that my daughter has days off in between for family time

Sleeps - it's true that sometimes there's just a magical air in nurseries for sleep lol my own daughter refuses day sleeps but off she pops happily at nursery! I would say be open to let them try their methods in the first instance, as you genuinely might find she doesn't need a pushchair - but if ultimately that's what she does then the nursery should be able to provide that even on a 1:3 ratio basis. We used to keep a pushchair indoors at an old nursery as needed.

I think the biggest thing I can say is just try and be relaxed and open, it's highly likely that she'll settle given time - maybe not after a day or two but hopefully 2-4 weeks you'll see some improvement

Thanks . I am trying to be optimistic and I do trust the nursery, they seem great, have great Ofsted report, it looked lovely when we went and the staff were lovely, and I know that DD is likely to behave very differently in that environment than at home! I'm actually really hoping it will do her the world of good, she is really easily bored and difficult to get to sleep, and clingy - I'm hoping that the stimulation will be fun and interesting for her, and then help her sleep better as she'll be totally tired out, and that being away from us will help her become more confident, independent, and less clingy. I am happy for the nursery to try anything to get her to sleep lol I hope they have more luck with it than me, but the other day she was with DM for a few hours and fell asleep being patted on the back, sitting up, watching TV . I tried to replicate it a few times myself but no joy! I think babies/young children do tend to act very differently for their parents than for other people !