3 children by 3 different dads in 5 1/2 years. AMA

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I'm about to have my third baby to the third father . My eldest will be 6 a few months later . AMA

Spinal cord injury?

@hiddeneverythin I started my degree when I was single and dd was 16 weeks old.

I dated df2 mostly when ds was with his dad.

I dated df3 when I was studying and working but mostly things like we would go for lunch or a coffee in the middle of the day when the kids were in nursery or go for an early dinner before I collected them from nursery occasionally.
After a while he would come round when the kids were in bed and I would cook. It wasn't about sex

How do you feel about the fact it sounds like your kids have different tiers and quality of dad? So your son has a mentally and physically abusive biological father that he seems to see regularly (how do you deal with that?) as well as your partner as stepdad who presumably you feel is a much better person and role model. your daughter has only your partner as stepdad. New baby will have biological father living with him/her. Does your daughter feels confused that your son has a biological dad to go and stay with (and in future newborn has her bio dad) and that she doesn’t? Is it a concern?

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 I was looking on match.com when I met dc2
I didn't actually want to meet anybody, I think I had just been through a difficult time and had been in my first long relationship that had gone so wrong, I wanted to look at different men and speak to some just to see what they were like as at the time I had so many questions in my head at the time about if it was all my fault or if all men were just like that. I wanted some perspective and I went on a date with him when I should have listened to my instinct.
I knew df3 already but when I was single after having dd we bumped into each other every day sometimes several times and it happened naturally from that

@ElevenSmiles No I'm not planning on having anymore.

@WWWWicked the last 2 have been planned (I'm not saying that was the best choice I could have made but they were)

I won't be having any more

@bsc nope not Kate winslet. It's so true though!

@SnuggyBuggy my upbringing was stable and my parents are still together but my dad worked abroad for the majority of my childhood on and off while we stayed at home. He was very disinterested in us as children and he's the same now were adults, he makes absolutely no effort so I'm not surprised that somebody making minimal effort has been better than nothing for me.

My mum isn't much better, she's not really interested. I think if you are focused on having good relationships with your children and enjoying them then their self esteem will be high enough they won't end up in those situations.

some disgusting questions on here probably the same people who harp on about misogyny on other threads horrible horrible people!!!! im 29 with 2 kids married (same dad) but was 20 and DC1 unplanned , some ppl.are so judgemental

@KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin I was with father one for 5.5 years and split when he was born

I was single for a little bit and then met df2, I separated from him before dd was born

I was single when dd was born and until she was 1 although I had df3 as a friend already. We got together when she was about 18 months old. She will be 4 in april

@TwistedStitch I don't think it's affected my dd as she has never had any contact with her dad. As ordered no contact whatsoever when she was born so she's only ever known my partner.

For my son for sure it would have been ideal to have a longer period of stability. I do feel guilty about that and the amount of adjusting he's had to do. It's been hardest on him, he's happy but that is the one thing I could have given him

staydazzling - "probably the same people who harp on about misogyny on other threads" - what are you on about? That's a really weird assumption and as far as I can tell isn't at all true.

@IndianaMoleWoman I'm not sure I knew what to expect when I started it really, or what people think (if anything) about my situation.

@jessstan2 @AssassinatedBeauty yes spinal cord injury

Would you judge a man who had 3 x 3 different women? Do any of the Dads have other children by different women? It sounds like quite a complicated family dynamic.

Congrats on your degree though, I only have one baby and struggle to take a shower most days

Will pregnancy impact on your spinal injury?

“I've spent the last four years doing a part time business management & hr degree on top of working ft.”

How do you possibly juggle all that? working FT while being single must be difficult enough. Never mind a degree on top of that! when do you do the work for the degree?

What do you think motivated you to start this thread? Do you think you need to show that you don’t conform to a stereotype?

Also, how do you view marriage? One might assume you see it as an outdated concept?

@Thissameearth that's probably the hardest part I'm not going to lie.

Df1 has improved significantly over time but will never be ideal. We have been to court annually. He has been abusive to ds on a number of occasions and the court (and ss) don't seem to be able to do anything about it which is probably the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. He's stable for about a year at a time and then it breaks down. This time last year it was horrific, it's been stable since and I can only hope it will be in the future and do everything I can to enable that.

Dd doesn't know she has another dad. She calls df3 dad by choice and doesn't know she has a dad somewhere else she can't see. She will one day but she doesn't yet. She's a very very young 3 year old in terms of innocence and understanding.

It's really difficult but not something I can change so I've got to emotionally equip all 3 of them to be able to deal with it

do you wonder if you will ever find a man decent enough to take your very complicated situation on? I don’t mean this harshly but I think most men, when they look at someone your age, wouldn’t want to go near as it all sounds very hard work. Therr are many women your age who haven’t even THOUGHT about having children yet, never having 3, and each a different father.

It will take someone very special to take all that on.

Permanently, I mean.

I’m sorry to hear it’s so hard in that regard. I completely agree obviously that all you can do is look forward and deal with what’s in front of you. It sounds like you’re doing a great job in difficult circumstances and I wish you and your family well.

@PerfectPeony I wouldn't judge it if it were a man. None of the children have other siblings but I'm aware of course that they might one day.

@TwistedStitch pregnancy hormones make the spinal cord injury easier to manage during the pregnancy and for a few months after. It's not nearly as painful as it usually is. Some women with the same injury as I have have been trialled on hormone drugs to put them into a constant state of pregnancy so they have to rely less on pain medication. I'm looking into that as an option at the moment.
I'm not taking any pain medication at the moment but the pain levels are extremely high.