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AMA

i'm a trans man ask me anything!

103 replies

LoveMyLukey · 25/09/2018 20:49

just that really! i didn't start this thread to bash people who aren't convinced trans is a real thing or to try and brainwash and push my views on other people. just to try and help people understand or have questions answered :)

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:06

lana i still suffer with depression and it can be a big decision as a teenager when a lot of people want to follow what's new and struggle to find out who they are but i definitely don't thing it's a good idea to ignore someone who is/thinks they are trans in terms of things like a name and pronouns they're more comfortable with because it can just be really damaging and disrespectful. i think it's good to be cautious but not to rule things out until people are older

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DieAntword · 26/09/2018 00:07

I’m pretty sure if my husband grew breasts (ahem... well, he has been eating rather a lot so maybe he already has) or lost all his chest hair or developed childbearing hips he would NOT feel disgusted or any need to remove them any more than I would be disgusted or desperate to remove one if I woke up with a penis tomorrow. I imagine I’d be curious and very surprised but I wouldn’t experience the extreme dysphoric reaction experienced by transgender people.

That’s what I mean, that is dysphoria, not being the other sex. It is undoubtedly horrible to experience and by all means alleviate that by removing reminders of it from yourself if it helps but it’s not actually being a man is it? It’s not like having testicles and making sperm and knocking up women which is ultimately the whole point of having men (in the same way the point of having women is for them to get knocked up). We have sex (in the sense of categories) for the sake of reproduction. By definition no trans person can reproduce in the way their desired sex would. Some can reproduce in the way their natal sex would though.

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:08

slim i remember being in the car with DM at about 5 or 6 and hearing something on the radio about someone having had a sex change because it was still quite new and unheard of then and just casually saying 'i'm going to have one of those when i grow up'

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AssassinatedBeauty · 26/09/2018 00:14

Do you really think it's ok to describe gay men as bigoted for having their innate sexual preference, and to reduce being gay to just having a "genital preference"?

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:15

assassinated DM has always loved mumsnet and used to be on it every evening and i remember sitting with her and reading all
of these threads and talking together about them and now i don't really see her much and mumsnet is something that reminds me of her and i've been a long time lurker since about 14 so i also really like hearing about different people's perspective on things going on because i'm still in college and mostly just speak to people my own age. plus some of the shit people come up with us bloody hilarious, never a dull day on MN

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:16

squirrels i'm so lucky i didn't lose any family over this as they were all really supportive and a lot of them saw it coming, it took about 6 months for everyone to fully adjust as it is a big thing but that's quite short for a lot of people

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LassWiADelicateAir · 26/09/2018 00:17

Just genital preference really. most bigoted gay men just prefer 'no trannies' in their grindr bio but is what it is aha

Do you think it is bigoted for gay men to prefer a partner who is a biological male?

I'm a heterosexual female- I would be revolted at the thought of touching a vagina or being penetrated by a prosthetic penis. At what point do you let sexual partners know?

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:24

die i know that our life purpose realistically is just to reproduce and carry on the human race but surely nowadays we have more purpose than that? i can still be a man without fulfilling my manly duty to make as many babies as possible right? i maybe be a different kind of man than natal ones but that's overcomplicating it

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PickAChew · 26/09/2018 00:26

You know that most women who acknowledge that they are women aren't particularly fond of the painful, nauseating, often mind altering reality of their periods, too?

LassWiADelicateAir · 26/09/2018 00:28

You sounded very reasonable until you dismissed gay men as bigots.

You did say ask you anything, so sorry if this is intrusive but is your boyfriend a trans man?

PickAChew · 26/09/2018 00:29

And, unlike lass I'm not revolted at the idea of touching a vagina but wouldn't be turned on by someone ashamed of theirs.

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:29

when i said that 'bigoted gay men just prefer putting no trannies in their bio' i think i used a bad choice of words i do not think it's bigoted to not want to date a trans person at all and you don't have to advertise that you have a genital preference if i'm talking to you like that and tell you i'm trans but you don't want me because i'm trans that's really ok i don't care and a lot of trans people probably don't care either but if the only think stopping someone from pursuing someone with a trans person is their genitals then you do have a genital preference but that's fine

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AssassinatedBeauty · 26/09/2018 00:31

So there's no such thing as having a sexual preference for the same sex, there's just genital preferences?

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:34

lass i definitely wouldn't leave it until the last moment, if i was planning to meet someone and it was going to be for sex then i would tell them because people do have the right to know and do have the right to choose if the want to sleep with a trans person or not

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:36

i've met gay people who are fully gay and would have sex with me and i have met some that wouldn't but they're both still gay. you don't have to advertise a genital preference or acknowledge it or believe it's a thing but that doesn't means it's not a thing

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:37

he is lass but it was coincidental :)

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:39

pick i know that no one likes the idea of a period and they are really shit but i'm not saying that i'm male based only on the fact i don't like having periods

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AssassinatedBeauty · 26/09/2018 00:44

So "gay man" now means someone who will sleep with both male bodied and female bodied people. Those gay men who don't want to sleep with female bodied people just have a "genital preference". Ok.

LassWiADelicateAir · 26/09/2018 00:45

i've met gay people who are fully gay and would have sex with me

As an aside I don't know what you mean by "fully gay"- are there people who are partially gay?

Are these "fully gay" people natal men?

Truckingonandon · 26/09/2018 00:51

It's not coincidental.

NoSquirrels · 26/09/2018 00:53

You’re both trans men - gay trans men?

So you were both born female but now live as men?

(I’m sorry, I am trying to understand the dynamics here, this next part feels intrusive and wrong to push the point but... AMA, yes?)

You both use prosthetics to penetrate. Sometimes your partner penetrates you baginally but mostly it’s better for both of you for you to penetrate them. Vaginally?

I’m struggling to see how sexually this is different from a lesbian relationship, I guess.

It sounds pretty like a lot of lesbian relationships... but the difference is in the self-talk/identity, I suppose? So saying you’re masculine-presenting women would be ‘inauthentic’ to your sense of self?

LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 00:55

no there aren't partial gay men and yes they were natal men

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LoveMyLukey · 26/09/2018 01:00

sexually it's the same as lesbians because you're working with the same parts. but the difference is is that we're not masculine presenting women because we didn't know each other were trans when we met and started talking. i was attracted to him because he's male and the same for him (obviously there's more to it than just that but i'm not attracted to women so if he was female i wouldn't be attracted to him and vice versa)

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NoSquirrels · 26/09/2018 01:04

Thanks for your honesty.

So this is my struggle. Sexuslly you’re working with the same parts as lesbians. You’re gay men without a genital preference. But you’re attracted to gender (not sex, not ‘people no matter what parts/identity’).

You’re ONLY attracted to ‘men’ where ‘men’ means... what exactly? What is the essence of ‘man’ in your partner you are attracted to?

NoSquirrels · 26/09/2018 01:11

Because I am straight, primarily. That’s who my sexual relationships have been with.

But I can see that I might be attracted to a woman on personality, and I’m not repulsed by vaginas so I’d be OK with a female sexual relationship. Theoretically- it’s never happened for me but I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t sleep with a woman if it was the right person.

But you seem to be saying that it’s not personality that attracts you first and foremost (like me) or sex (like a PP not willing to considerthe idea of same sex genital attraction for themselves) but gender identity. Is that right?

I don’t know what makes a man a man, but I know what makes a person attractive, iyswim. How do you define attraction?

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