I left my husband for another man. AMA

[mrssapphirebright]

Just that really.

Do you have children?

How did you meet the new man?

I have 2 dc with exh. They are now 14 and 16 and were 8 and 10 when i left.

I met OM at uni, years ago. Were we really good friends and should've got together then. Fast forward 15 years and I bumped into him into at a works conference (same industry).

Are you still with him?

How have your children coped?

Was the OM in a relationship too?

Did you take the children with you to the new man? Or leave them behind?

Do you feel you made the right decision?

How did your children cope?

Did you leave your husband before starting a relationship with om?

Yes, we are still together. We married a year after we got together so 6 years ago nearly.

My children have coped so well. i think our eldest was relieved to be honest as he knew me and his father were not happy. We kept all the adult stuff away from them and made it stable for them. They have a great relationship with their dad and with my husband.

yes, i made 100% the right decision.

Om was married and left his wife.

I admitted to my exh that i had fallen for OM and that i wanted to split, we did not have an affair, we didn't need to as we were 100% of our feelings for each other and both knew our marriages were over long before the other had come along anyway.

I stayed in the marital home with exh until it was sold. Then we both bought new houses and split custody of dc 50/50.

Who asked who first? I mean, did you reveal your feelings to OM first, or did he tell you how he felt? How did you KNOW that you wanted to be together without having even an emotional affair first?

Does your DH have children from his previous marriage?

I think we both just 'knew'. After the conference he ended up getting a contract with my company and we became friends again.

We drunkenly admitted our feelings for each other one night and within a week had confessed about our mutual miserable marriages.

We each went off on leave to do some thinking and both came back having made our minds up we wanted to be with each other. We then planned what we were going to do / say.

Yes he has two, well actually one - he has just found out the youngest isn't his.

How did your exDH react when you confessed to him your love for another man and your desire to split?

He was not surprised initially.

Then he went mental for about 6 weeks. Crying, begging, guilt tripping, threatening suicide.

Then he kinda felt relieved I think. Our marriage had been poor for so long and we both knew we were only together for the dc. We had talked about seperating a few times before, so it was intially a shock, but not really if you see what I mean. I think i did him a favor ending it as i got to be the bad guy.

We sorted out our divorce asap and didn't really fight over anything. Once he knew i wasn't going to screw him over or fight him he was ok.

How did you sort finances initially? How long were you in the marital home with your exDH until you moved out? Did you move directly in with the OM? How did you afford it? Where did the children go?

I lived with exdh for about 6 months. I moved into a new build which was ready about 3 months before marital house was sold so exh stayed in the marital home until it was sold and then bought somewhere new.

We had a phased move in as i had my new house. have always had 50/50 split with dc after i moved out. Our divorce was done within 3 months so everything agreed in writing. OM properly moved in 6 months later.

Me and exh always had one joint account and our own accounts anyway so finances we easy to sort whilst we were still living together.

we did not have an affair, we didn't need to as we were 100% of our feelings for each other and both knew our marriages were over long before the other had come along anyway.

Did you have sex with each other at the conference?
If not, how would you have known you would be 100% compatible?

Luckily there was enough equity in our martial home. We split the house equity 50/50 which was enough for me to put a deposit down and a get a mortgage on my own. It was financially a struggle until OM moved in.

i didn't / don't receive any maintenance from my exh. I used all my savings to furnish the new house and went without a car for 6 months.

Exh left me in a lot of debt too which i had to freeze for a year.

No, we didn't. It wasn't even an overnight conference.

When he started working for my my company then we just knew after a few weeks.

We didn't have sex until about 3 months after we had left our marriages. Logistically it was impossible.

And to be honest, the sex was shit for ages and i thought 'what the fuck have i done - we are not compatible'. it was a rough time all round.

This is a really interesting thread OP.

How did you know he was the right one? Was there a lot of unspoken tension and chemistry between the two of you? Were you awkward with each other or extremely comfortable?
How did being with the OM differ from being around EXH?

How did your family and friends react to your new relationship?

Thank you for this thread. I have some questions please:

How did the children cope when you both split up initially (but still lived in the same house)?

How did they cope when you lived separately and have to move between you?

Do you wish you had done anything differently?

Do you have any regrets?

Good questions folks. I was expecting more of an ear bashing.

It wasn't great living together. We slept in seperate rooms and tried ot live seperate lives as much as possible. We still ended up doing a lot as a family though as we only has the one family car, so weekends were tough. It was actually better for the dc when i moved out as it was clearer for them.

i think once the family home was sold it was like a fresh start for them. They had two new homes to get excited about. Exh only lives 10 min walk away so its been quite easy to navigate.

We have always both rung the dc on the days they were with the other parent and for the first 2 years they didn't go more than 3 days in a row without seeing one of us.

Any regrets? Yes - i wish my exh and i had separated / divorced earlier. we were both scared of the unknown and coping without the other, we both felt trapped. if we had split earlier then i wouldn't be tarred with the OW / bad guy brush. I also carry a lot of guilt now my exh is unwell.

How did i know? sounds cliche but we just knew. It was more a feeling of being completly comfortable, effortless and at ease with DH. With exh it always felt like we had to work at our relationship / compromise etc, but with now dh its just so natural. With exh there was always a bit of a mis-fit, a feeling of being on a different page. i was young when i got with exh and it was lust / excitement driven, rather than friendship / companionship driven.