DH and I are swingers - AMA

[TempAmaName]

Did a search and couldn't find anything so apologies if it's been done.

Ask away

[Brandnewshit]

Hi, how did you get into it, do you just soft swing or more than that.
Has it affected your relationship or strengthed it?
How do you cope with any jealousy or boundaries?

[AfterSchoolWorry]

There was one before. Well, an open relationship or something similar.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

It's kinda been done...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/3326870-I-m-in-an-open-marriage-AMA

[Brandnewshit]

No, i think an open relationship is v different to a swinging relationship. But thank you for the link, it was an interesting thread
.

[Justanotheruser01]

It may have already been done but isn't more than one person's prospective interesting?

OP how did it all start?

[TempAmaName]

Definitely strengthened it. Swinging is very different to an open relationship, we never go off with another person on our own. We always do same room swapping, for us it's not about being able to sleep with other people without any repercussions, it's more about watching each other.
We got into it by joking about it one night over a few drinks and it just went from there really. We had loooong talks about rules etc before we did anything and started off small. Went to a club to watch and be watched etc before involving anyone else.

We find we have just the right balance of jealousy and pride it's a mix of 'oi, that's my husband' and 'hell yeah, that's my husband!'

[flumpybear]

What would you do if you saw someone from work at a swingers club .... 😱

[Maidsrus]

What was the first time like? Must’ve been terrifying

[NomsQualityStreets]

How do you feel if your DH does something he'd never do with you or something you're not into/you know he really enjoys with someone else?

Also if you've ever seen or if you might see your DH enjoying sex and being "into it" with another woman much more than you've ever seen him enjoy it with you do you think you would be upset?

[TempAmaName]

Flumpybear I'd laugh and say I won't tell if you don't! Nothing to be embarrassed about, they're there too.

Maidsrus we built up to it slowly so it wasn't too much of a shock. I'll try not to be too graphic but we did lots of same-sex stuff to start with, then opposite-sex foreplay/oral then I just told OH I wanted to watch him with a woman. We always discuss what we want to do before hand and always have a sort of debrief afterwards and talk about what we enjoyed or wasn't sure about. We both know neither of us would ever do anything to purposefully make the other one uncomfortable or jealous so there are never any arguments or 'you spent too long with him/her and not me' scenarios.

[TempAmaName]

NomsQualityStreets that has happened actually, we didn't think much of it. A woman did something to DH that I wasn't aware of at the time (it was a technique rather than a specific act) but he told me afterwards that it was kind of hot. We just thought 'oh that's exciting, something new we can try out together', it wouldn't enter my head that he was enjoying sex with her more than he does with me.

We've both been in abusive unfaithful relationships before so we're always very aware of the other's feelings and constantly checking with each other if we're all good, even if it's just an eyebrow raise or a wink over a shoulder haha

[covetingthepreciousthings]

How long had you been together before contemplating this?

Do you ever swap numbers with anyone you meet? Or is that in your rules not to?

[Brandnewshit]

What advice and tips would you give to someone who is considering this kind of thing

[TempAmaName]

Covetingthepreciousthings we've been together about five years been doing it for the last year or so.

Brandnewshit the most important thing I think is to constantly talk talk talk with your partner - discuss your reasons for wanting to try it out and what exactly you would like to do to start with and always keep the discussion going about what you're ok with. Google swinging clubs in your area and go along. You can just see how you feel about having people in the room with you and you can choose to invite them to join you or not. I thought it would be seedy and gross but everyone is very respectful and welcoming.

[NomsQualityStreets]

Have you set any rules for yourselves and if so what are they ?

[SoleBizzz]

I have hrard swinging clubs smell of bleach and there are kitchen rolls everywhere

[over50andfab]

Does everyone always use condoms? And aren’t you worried about STIs you can get even with condoms, like genital herpes?

[Atetoomanyjaffacakes]

Do you have people you regularly swing with or are they always new?

[Maidsrus]

How do you feel about those you are not 100% attracted to. Do you feel bad about rejecting them?

[TempAmaName]

NomsQualityStreets yes we have a few rules, no kissing the opposite sex which sounds daft when you consider everything else but we feel like it's important to keep something for ourselves.

SoleBizzz we've only been to one club and can't say I've noticed any smells. There are small bedside tables in the rooms with things like baby wipes etc in for people to use but I haven't seen any kitchen rolls!

Over50andfab I can't speak for everyone but we do. Not between DH and I though, don't see the point. In all honesty, I'm not any more concerned about STIs than I was when I was single, we're as safe as we can be.

Atetoomanyjaffacakes there are a few couples we've met more than once but we generally try to find new people.

Maidsrus it was difficult at first but you get used to it, it's always done with a polite no thank you, everyone understands and it's fine.

[pippety]

What kind of day jobs do you do? Do your friends etc have any idea or do you keep it totally secret?

[Brandnewshit]

whats the typical age range/ level of attractiveness of people who attend clubs?
Is it really an all shape and size demographic?

[TempAmaName]

pippety we're both in quite stuffy professional office roles so we keep it quiet. My best friend knows but nobody else.

Brandnewshit it really is, I would say the most common age is late 30s up to 50ish but we have talked to people in their 20s and 70s and of all shapes and sizes. As for attractiveness, there isn't really a way to measure that. There are some 'hot' couples (gym-fit, boob job, spray tan etc) but from our experience they tend to be a bit superior, stuck up their own arse and take it far too seriously. We tend to gravitate towards people with good conversation and a sense of humour more than anything and I think it's the same for most.

[Branleuse]

do you think theres a decent ratio of normal looking people compared to sweaty middleaged wildebeests?

whenever ive ventured to look into fetish clubs or looked into swingers websites, the main demographic seems to be fairly scary looking. Its a shame cos i quite like the idea in theory

[MakeYourOwnFuckingTea]

Would you like to take some time here to comment on the theory that suggests swingers singlehandedly are responsible for the critical downturn of the pampas grass industry in the UK?
Photo included for reference.