I was adopted at birth, ama

[Selfsestructactive]

Just that really... Ask away if anyone has any questions 😊

Have you ever met your biological parents?

Are you the only adopted child in your family?

How do you get on with your adoptive parents?

Did you always know?
If you didn't, did you sense something, looking back?

Never met bio parents, I'm starting the search now.

Only adopted child in the family, one sister a year younger than me... A surprise we they didn't think they could have kids

Adopted dad died when I was v young, mother died 3 yrs ago... We didn't really get on, sis was the Golden child, I was sent to boarding school at 12 and spent as much time away from home as I could. Was v much the black sheep
Don't get on with my sister either now, we talk sometimes but I felt like the effort was all me so took a step back

Yes I know for as long as I can remember

Do you wonder if your bio parents had more kids?

Do you have attachment issues?

Do you know why you were adopted? I.e. why your parents could not keep you?

Just want to wish you luck with your search for your biological parents. I was also adopted at birth and found my birth mother in 2000. Ask me anything :)

I don't have attachment issues, as far as I'm aware anywary lol!
I don't wonder really if they had more kids, I just want to know where/ who I came from and why I was adopted... See if I'm like them given I was so far away from what the rest of my a family were like

Thank you 😊

Can I ask how that went for you? It's scary but I have to do it, have to try

I'm really sorry your parents didn't treat you the same as their biological child. That must have been really tough on you.

Did they treat you the same in their Will? Does your sister resent you, do you think? I'm so sorry you didn't have the chance to have a much nicer family.

No. My sister got most of what there was and doesn't appreciate it.
Not resentment, she just treats me like an acquaintance now really.
It was tough accepting that my mother didn't love me when I wasn't what she expected/imagined but I'm ok now, I have my own family and they are my focus

I'm really glad you have your own family now.

In what way do you feel like you were never like the rest of the family? Do you think that kind of feeling is bound to happen to all adopted children?

How old are you?

'Glad you've found your own family".

I fear that statement could upset a lot of adopters and adoptees
Op had her 'own' family all along. It's not about biology. It's about who loves cares and nurtures.

"Do you have attachment issues."
Why would she. She was adopted from birth. The biological mother might be important in the bonding process but not vital. I imagine op has as much of a strong bond with her adoptive mum that anyone has with their bio mum.

Are you nervous about meeting your bio family.

How does your mum feel.
Is she supportive.

How long have you known you were adopted. What was your reaction.

*Thank you 😊

Can I ask how that went for you? It's scary but I have to do it, have to try*

It went well, I found her through birth records and a LOT of research then sent a letter which, to anyone else, would have been very innocuous but she knew could only have been from her daughter and she rang me! We have a very easy relationship, we're incredibly alike in both looks and personality and I have a little brother and sister :)

'Glad you've found your own family". Misquoted.

Do you have children of your own? I was adopted from birth and have never wanted children. I sometimes wonder whether the two things could be related.

Awwlookatmybabyspider - maybe that statement will upset adoptees and adopters but it is still a valid point.

Adoption is a very upsetting process for most of the people involved - even from birth or babyhood. The birth mother has to grieve for the baby she can't / won't keep, the adopters usually have to grieve for the children that they can't give birth to naturally and the adoptee very often has to grieve at some point for the family that they didn't have, particularly in the situation you have hear where the OP felt unloved by her adopted mother.

Adopted people have higher rates of depression, suicide, crime, mental health issues and so on. Not acknowledging that is part of the problem.

They were alone in interests, looks and personality, I was v unlike them in those ways

Im in my 30s, have 2 kids who I adore...

*alike not alone!!

Margo very well put. I'm not here to say what anyone else feels just me and yes I felt/feel like an outsider, because me mother and sister made me feel like that and also in my head I suppose I didn't belong, because I was different from what my mother wanted/envisaged and she didn't like that

I find myself in the same situation Selfsestructactive. I was adopted because my adopted parents thought they couldn't have children. A few years later, it turned out they could and they went on to have their own children. I am the cuckoo in the nest. It was not a happy childhood and I was not loved by my adopted mother particularly.

I found my birth parents. Not a happy story their either! I do have amazing and beautiful children of my own though, so its not all bad.

-'Glad you've found your own family"
-I fear that statement could upset a lot of adopters and adoptees
-maybe that statement will upset adoptees and adopters but it is still a valid point.

Adoptive parents are a child's real parents. To suggest otherwise is abhorrent. Lots of parents are shit parents, unfortunately that will also be true of some adoptive parents. With the checks that adopters go though these days that's a lot less likely than for other methods of becoming a parent.

the adopters usually have to grieve for the children that they can't give birth to naturally

Many, many adoptive parents are perfectly able to conceive naturally. Anyone who has fertility issues has to go through a process of reconciliation with that. It doesn't mean that adoptees are not 'their own family'.

Adopted people have higher rates of depression, suicide, crime, mental health issues and so on.

Correlation is not the same as causation. There are reasons why modern adoptees experience much greater levels of difficulty than the general populace. Those reasons are why they were adopted, or weaknesses in the care system, not because they were adopted. The outcomes for children who've been abused, neglected or had a poor in utero environment (sadly a majority of modern UK adoptions) are a lot worse if they are left with the people doing the harm.