I'm a radical unschooler AMA

[OutOfControlSpirals]

I'm a radical unschooling mum, which basically means I've taken the principals of unschooling, where a child is free to learn what they want, when they want, and applied it to every aspect of our lives. So my children have the same freedoms that I do when it comes to eating/sleeping/learning etc.

When one of them was 4 they ate nothing but instant noodles every night for 6 months

The OP never claimed one of the children only ate instant noodles for 6 months.

When I read the above I assumed they also ate other things during the day, which is what they did. Not that noodles everynight is great but it’s clear some posters have picked up this ball and shot off into the distance with it.

^ no I read that it was every night, and not all day every day. Still think that’s a lot of salt for a 4 year old, unless they’re having none in any other meal.

Instant noodles every night is about the same as a white bread / processed ham sandwich every day for lunch. I don't see anyone shouting neglect and abuse at the thousands of parents who feed their kids that every day.

I didn’t shout abuse at all, just expressed an opinion that it’s a lot of salt for a 4 year old. For the same reason, I wouldn’t allow my children to have a processed ham sandwich every day for lunch 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think with the instant noodles it depends if you add the sachet as to how much salt there is...my own DC just throw the sachet away and have them plain but insist I buy chicken flavour

Soy, i meant people have accused the OP of abuse. Which they have.

No i wouldn't give that lunch either but plenty would, including some of those accusing the OP of neglect, I'd bet!

I don't have a question, but I really admire your ability to do this.

I have one DC being unschooled right now, up until recently it was two.
Both are autistic and couldn't cope with mainstream school, or with having someone else's schedule enforced on them.
It's not easy, but looking at the boys I can see how this has helped them.

Ds1 is now working full time. He has no qualifications as his years at school were so traumatic that he refused anything vaguely academic. He can fix and rebuild engines, and he has far more usable skills than he would have had in school. In this line of work his experience and knowledge count for as much as formal qualifications.

Ds2 thrives with an informal approach, but I'm finding that difficult to manage, so OP I am in awe of you for doing this with three children at the same time!

Oh, and I haven't brushed my hair for twenty years - it's not a tangled, neglected mess. I can't bear the feeling of brushing it, but I do wash it and prevent it from being matted/knotty in other ways.

I don’t believe for a second “most” homeschooled children go into creative jobs crunchymint. There are so few of them who would even study that?

Are your children vaccinated? Did they choose that?

You said your kids have access to the internet whenever they want. How do you control that and stop them looking at things they shouldnt. And stop them being groomed online?

How did kids hair not feel rank not having chlorine washed out of it?

Why do you think your way is natural when large aspects go against nature. (Honestly study tribal living. They all have a role and follow instructions and live in routines eg sleep when the sun goes down and rise when it rises.

Why do you allow your kids to swear? Domt you think you are setting them up for trouble later when they get jobs and need to moderate their language?

Why do you feel no one has the upper hand in life? Literally their boss will tell them what to do, no negotiations. Also the government and law tell you what to do. Not just in jobs but also if they ever needed to do something like jury duty.

I'm with Gin upthread. This is not necessarily directed at you OP but I don't understand the need to label parenting styles ("attachment parenting" for example). Fair play if this style of parenting works for you and yours. You are not working and your children are not in school, and you have the time and intelligence to support them to learn and develop at their own pace. And you don't impose many boundaries.

My home life isn't much different except I go to work 4 days a week, my son goes to school (which he loves) and we do all the other things you do too. There's nothing radical about your children not going to school really.

At the end of the day will your children grow up into well-rounded, nice, caring adults? Probably. Will my son? Probably. The end result will be the same. There's really no need to set yourself apart from other parents by giving your style of parenting a name.

But OP, I know you are trying hard not to compare to families that parent differently to you but unfortunately in places you are coming across as insufferably smug and I think that's why some people are responding negatively.

Nobody shouted abuse people including myself questioned the op personal care of her children hair brushing tooth brushing as neglectful and rather than answer question in her AMA she went on to scoff at the posters. Bottom line children obviously don't know what is best for them all the time and to let them raise themselves as a parenting choice is ridiculous,

Are your children vaccinated? Did they choose that?

I did wonder that as my D.C. had to be held down..they didn't understand the benefit of having their arm poked when they were young. However, they have chosen to have vaccinations at secondary school. If they'd chosen not to at least they'd understand the risk they were taking.

So personally I conclude this parenting style may work well with older DC but I'm not convinced about younger ones.
Or maybe it's what happens naturally as teens turn into adults, and the OP has just started really early?

Your parents probably think you're a dick too though tbf.

Very bad form to refer to someone’s parents, who may or may not still be alive. You sound a delight, turtle.

Please tell me you vaccinate them...

Yes, I think the point is that 'radical unschoolers' think they are being oh so different to other parents and are allowing their children to make all their own decisions etc. But actually in reality, when it comes to it, they dont actually do that much different to most parents.

Because kids aren't born 'knowing what to do'. That's what being a parent is.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/201406/survey-grown-unschoolers-i-overview-findings%3famp

This study looked at adults that were unschooled for some or all of their childhood. It’s a small sample, but the majority seem in favour.
As I said I don’t I unschool myself, I’m more semi-structured, but I guess I don’t police my dc’s free time or screen time (within reason) either. However the study is interesting, and someone upthread had asked about stats and outcomes.

As I clarified, people were accusing the OP of abuse. Not that they were shouting abuse at her (although i think some people have been quite rude and insulting).

There aren't "so few" home educated children, as another poster asserted. There are tens of thousands in the UK.

As I clarified, people were accusing the OP of abuse.

The OP said that their child didn't wash or brush their hair for 2 years, to illustrate them 'making their own decisions' about personal hygiene, and some people said that that could be verging on neglect.

However, when pressed on toothbrushing and going to the dentist the OP seemed to be saying that they take the lead on that (or would if their kids were toothbrush refusers), which is basically the same as any other parent.

Because in order to be a good parent, you can't just let kids figure everything out for themselves.

There aren't "so few" home educated children, as another poster asserted. There are tens of thousands in the UK

First this is about unschooling not homeschooling and second, if there are tens of thousands, where is the data and evidence of outcomes on which parents are basing their decisions? Data on unschooling, not homeschooling which is not what this thread is about.

Very bad form to refer to someone’s parents, who may or may not still be alive. You sound a delight, turtle.

But it isn't bad form to say someone's child will end up hating them? You not everyone will be lucky enough to have their children reach adulthood either, so I don't see why children are fair game but parents aren't

I think it sounds wonderful OP.
I couldn't do it because I don't have he patience with all 4 of mine are so different I think I'd run myself into the ground trying to nurture all of them separately at once.

Have you always known this is how you'd educate them or did you take one look at the more conventional school system and decide then that it wasn't for you?

Do you and your DH get time alone together?

coldtatty Thanks, 79% of those who had been totally unschooled, had a job in the theatre, writing, arts or film. That matches what I have read elsewhere. Also 1 in 4 were not financially independent from their families.
I simply do not believe that the majority of kids naturally want jobs in the creative industries. I think unschooling creates the conditions though that they are natural jobs to go into.

But it isn't bad form to say someone's child will end up hating them?

Tit for tat insults are pretty shoddy too unless you’re six years old.

The issue with instant noodles every night for a 4 year old is the salt content. The average pack of instant noodles contains more than twice the recommended maximum salt for a 4 year old. Unimportant as a one off, but for 6 months that is very unhealthy.

Tit for tat insults are pretty shoddy too unless you’re six years old.

You sound a delight, turtle