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AMA

I had a baby two days after my 15th birthday AMA

107 replies

VauxhallVectra · 20/07/2018 12:04

Happy to answer non-judgmental questions Grin

OP posts:
speakout · 21/07/2018 08:06

Many studies show poorer outcomes from early sex.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/07/2018 08:11

Branleuse, whilst you’re right, the difference is that giving birth is more dangerous for humans than other animals because throughout evolution the size of the human head has increased very quickly meaning women’s pelvises have also had to widen to catch up.

This is problematic for teenage girls who may be sexually mature but whose pelvises have not reached their adult size. Basically they’re not ready.

In countries where young girls commonly give birth there is often a higher rate of maternal deaths, fissures, and infant mortality.

annandale · 21/07/2018 08:14

You sound like an amazing mum op.

Did you have access to contraception? Was it a failure of contraception (I've had shed loads of those, am clumsy and forgetful) or something else? Would better contraceptive services have helped you?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/07/2018 08:17

Perhaps a result of poor parenting, poor self esteem, peer pressure, finding themselves in a position where they make that choice is very concerning to me

It’s weird how people rarely put teenage boys’ widely feted enthusiasm for sex down to poor parenting or low self-esteem.

Why can we not see girls as enthusiastically desiring sex without guilting them into believing they are somehow defective?

Pretend girls from rape and coercion unwanted pregnancy, 100% yes, but let’s not deny them their agency.

Branleuse · 21/07/2018 08:19

well i completely agree about it being non ideal for many many reasons.
I do have a problem with terming enthusiastic willing sex between willing similar aged people as rape because rape is surely when you didnt want it but were coerced or forced?
I do see WHY its called rape in law, because it needs to be to protect people from grooming, although I would prefer similar system to the netherlands where consensual sex between similar aged peers is legal from a much younger age than here, but education and ambition is the main reason that it rarely happens.

speakout · 21/07/2018 08:23

IfyouseeRitaMoreno

You are making stuff up here.

I said no where this is a girl issue- in fact I chose my words carefully to avoid mentioning gender.

Perhaps a result of poor parenting, poor self esteem, peer pressure, finding themselves in a position where they make that choice is very concerning to me

You quote me on this_

Perhaps a result of poor parenting, poor self esteem, peer pressure, finding themselves in a position where they make that choice is very concerning to me

And then you go on to tear it apart because of sexism.

Can you show me how my comments are sexist?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/07/2018 08:57

And then you go on to tear it apart because of sexism.

Can you show me how my comments are sexist?

You’re right speakout my apologies. It’s just I’ve heard your argument used in reference to girls having sex many times but never to boys. But you didn’t personally say it.

And I wasn’t “tearing” you down, just disagreeing with the idea that desire for sex at 13 = poor self-esteem.

Jackfruitburger · 21/07/2018 09:01

I agree @IfyouseeRitaMoreno that the way we view teen sexuality as different depending on gender. I had someone in my work the other day saying they didn't care if their 16 year old son was sexually active so long as he didn't do it in the house. I'm actually more nervous of my son getting someone pregnant than my daughter getting pregnant! So many people just see randy teenage boys as harmless and teenage girls as victims.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/07/2018 09:10

Jack Unfortunately my Dad was like that. He admitted that he was proud of my brother for getting out there but “expected more” from me!

It was a feminist awakening moment Grin

WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/07/2018 10:07

Wow, your mum really let you down, didn't she? How different that all could have been.

VauxhallVectra · 22/07/2018 16:58

Thanks for all the really kind things you’ve all said. I’m genuinely tearing up here!

Thanks for the comments about further study... I was always very good at school and I really enjoyed it but I’m loving my job at the moment so no plans to study any more but this might change in future. I did LOL at the suggestion of me doing a PhD though! I was good at school but not that good!!!

I wouldn’t say I was raped. I was horny as fuck as a young teen and, yes, I did have sex with boys who were older than me (and over 16) but I wouldn’t class it was abuse or rape. Though I see young women’s vulnerability, I also think it’s too easy to deny that teenage girls are sexually inclined and just think of them as victims rather than autonomous sexual beings. I don’t think there’s a right answer because some girls will be raped and abused but others won’t. I can only speak from my own experiences and say I was most definitely an equal player in all the underage sex that went on!

OP posts:
VauxhallVectra · 22/07/2018 17:01

It was kind of contraceptive failure, yes. I was on the pill but a bit useless at remembering to take it!

Yep, my mum really let me down and I’ve never forgiven her. We’re very low contact now. I couldn’t imagine doing to DD what she did to me.

The thing I was saying about lying there and letting it happen was about me giving birth, not sex! I was always an active player in sex

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annandale · 22/07/2018 22:30

Makes sense. I've always thought doctors really overestimate the appropriateness of the pill for people who aren't living settled lives in terraced houses with 1.8 children. I had the pill constantly pushed on to me by doctors when I was a student - I mean, fair enough in a way, as I'd gone to the doctor with a condom failure asking for the morning after pill (not available in a pharmacy way back then). Very judgmental GP basically tore a strip off me for not taking the pill. The fact was I rarely knew which bedroom I would be in that evening (Blush but it wasn't always about sex - I was quite often just having lengthy conversations with female friends in various parts of town, or training for sports or rehearsing plays until late or whatever), I didn't carry any kind of handbag but a randomly changing selection of kit, and so the chances of forgetting my pill were sky high. I thought I was being responsible using condoms tbh.

Thanks for answering the questions.

VauxhallVectra · 23/07/2018 08:42

Would you be happy for your dd to have sex aged 13? You mentioned having multiple partners before your dd's dad
No! I know it hypocritical but I think kids are only having sex at that age if there’s something wrong (for me the something wrong was the culture around sex where I grew up and lack of any kind of conversation about sex at home).

What do you think could have been done to stop the kids on your estate taking drugs etc?
Fuck me, this is a massive question. I think it mostly boils down to poverty to be honest and cycles of exclusion so it’s hard to see where you start. Most families on the estate had problems (drink, drugs, violence, absent fathers etc.) Then the schools were shit because no decent teachers wanted to work there because it was mainly crowd control rather than actual teaching. All decent teachers left pretty quickly. Then there was just the culture which existed of toughness, gangs etc. which is hard to break. So where do you start- it’s a systemic problem rather than one individual cause. TBH, the only way that’d have got me behaving as a child was money and I think the same would be true for other people- being paid not to take drugs or to stick to curfew but that’d impossible to actually do. I also think there’s a lot to do with race/racism and how migrants were treated when they first came to the UK.

Would more youth clubs and things to do have helped?
No! The youth clubs were at the centre of most of it- it’s where drugs changed hands, where’d you meet boys etc. I think longer school days might have helped but not the youth clubs.

Where did you and your friends get the money from for the weed/ booze?
Just doing odd jobs for people – some were legit like babysitting but others weren’t so legal like dropping off packages here and there. There wasn’t really that much spent on boozer, no-one really drank that much it was mainly weed. When you did something for someone like dropped something off somewhere, we weren’t always paid in cash but you’d be paid in weed.

Did you not have a curfew from your mother?
Yes and no. I used to tell her I was staying over friends houses a lot of the time so she wouldn’t wonder where I was. That’s kind of what I mean about her being naïve. Other times, I’d sneak out after she’d gone to bed.

Do you think you would have had more children if you had had the first later?
Impossible to say really. I don’t think so but if circumstances were different, I might have done.

Do you have a good relationship with your child? Have you ever felt resentment about missing out on things?
Yeah, we do have a good relationship. Well, she’s 17 so it’s as good as it can be! There was a period when she was about 12 and we had quite a fraught time but I think that was just puberty!
I haven’t really felt resentment, no, because I look at my friends and I don’t see them doing all that much with their lives to be honest. Most had children at about 18/19 and didn’t really do much in the years between leaving school and having children so I don’t see I’ve missed out on anything.

My question to you is, how do you think your life would have been different if the father hadn’t stood by you?
I die a little bit inside when women attribute their success/happiness/stability to men but I’m about to do just that!
Me and DP got back together when DD was 7 and it really did change my life significantly. We moved to a nice area and started to live a stable –boring—life together. It was mainly for DD but we both benefitted from that as well because we’d both had quite unstable upbringings (him more than me). If he hadn’t come back to me, I think he’d be in prison or dead. I think I’d probably still be living in the shitty flat I used to have. I think I’d be struggling to keep DD on the straight and narrow. Although I would hope for better for her, I do suspect DD would have fallen in with bad crowds.

@annandale Yeah, it was normal at the time but thinking back it was just weird, and totally inappropriate, how every single girl I knew was on the pill by aged 12/13 Confused

OP posts:
speakout · 23/07/2018 09:19

I think kids are only having sex at that age if there’s something wrong

I agree.

AppleKatie · 23/07/2018 11:59

OP that’s not women relying on men.

It’s two adults living a better life because together they make the other a better person and pooling the resources and income of two people gives more choices and options.

VauxhallVectra · 23/07/2018 12:18

OP that’s not women relying on men

It’s two adults living a better life because together they make the other a better person and pooling the resources and income of two people gives more choices and options.
I do get what you're saying but I find the "I wouldn't be where I am today without DP" quite challenging. It feels a bit like DP "rescuing" me, as though my life was on hold between DD being born and him coming back to us. I just find that narrative a bit hard (even though it kind of is what happened!!)

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 23/07/2018 16:01

But you said yourself if you hadn’t taken him back he would have been in prison or dead! So you equally (if not more so) rescued him!

VauxhallVectra · 23/07/2018 16:07

But you said yourself if you hadn’t taken him back he would have been in prison or dead! So you equally (if not more so) rescued him!
Yes, that's very true actually. I guess it's just because it was kind of on his terms that it happened- he came back to me when he was ready, when he'd got all sorts of stuff out of his system and I was just kind of there waiting to say yes. Don't get me wrong, me and DP have a good relationship and I'm in no way regretful of what I did by getting back with him- I just don't like falling into the narrative where a man rescued me I'm very much not a Disney princess

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 23/07/2018 16:13

Give yourself permission to have self esteem. He’s lucky to have you and lucky you said yes!

Etino · 23/07/2018 17:11
Flowers Please write this down, or just C&P your bits and email yourself. You really should be studying, mainly because your insight should have a bigger audience.
VauxhallVectra · 24/07/2018 09:42

That's really kind of you @Etino I've kept a journal on/off ever since my daughter was born (on the advice of the health visitor who recognised I was struggling) so it's all written down.

Over the past few years I've really got into feminism and intersectional feminism in particular which has really helped me to make sense of my experiences (and to be more conscious of how I bring up DD). When I've looked back over my old journals I can see that I was thinking in a feminist way but I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to proper describe what was going on.

OP posts:
noseoftralee · 24/07/2018 23:51

The world of uni/research/books would benefit from a voice like yours. You articulate your story so well.

AsherDsNeverFading · 02/08/2018 13:38

Did you feel embarrassed going out in public? My sister had a baby when she was 17 and she didn't go out for months because of the people staring at her and nasty comments

You said you got back with your DP after he got some stuff out of his system. What do you mean by that? Was he sleeping around and enjoying his youth while you were looking after his baby? If that's the case, how did you feel about that?

VauxhallVectra · 05/08/2018 15:22

Sorry @AsherD I've only just seen your questions

I didn't feel embarrassed going out when I lived in the flat because where I lived had all sorts of waifs and strays (drug addicts, prostitutes, refugees). Most people were too absorbed in their own problems to care about what other people were up to and no-one really had any kind of moral high ground to judge anyone else.
When I moved to a quite nice middle class area, I felt a bit conspicuous going out with my daughter but not really embarrassed. We were the only black family in the area so that didn't help either though.

DP was put into prison shortly after I found out I was pregnant. He was there until DD was 5. When he got released he fell back into his old crowd so, yeah, I supposed he was off living his youth but it wasn't like a normal youth of Ibiza holidays, getting drunk and whatnot. He was up to no good.
I was a bit pissed off because I wanted him to come out and get his life together for DD's sake (so he didn't end up back in prison or dead). But he didn't really have many other options and I always kind of knew he'd go back to his old criminal life anyway. He kept me and DD away from it all.
He kind of got all this out of his system for a couple of years and then asked me to give our relationship a try. I think he'd reached a point where he realised he was getting in too deep and he wouldn't be able to get out.

OP posts:
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