I accompanied my mum to Dignitas AMA

[Atreus]

Nearly 3 years ago I supported my beloved mum in her decision to end her life at Dignitas. Realise this can be a sensitive topic but happy to share our experience in the hope it may help or even just better inform anyone...

First of all, for what you just have gone through.
Can I please ask how your mum came to that point? And how do you feel about it now?

That must have been so different for you. Was your mum ill for long?

Did she join a few years before ? I understand you have to be a member

Was she able to get there OK

How do you feel about it all

Bless OP

Did your extended family support her decision?

That must have been a hard journey, OP x

Was it your choice to go with her or did she ask you?

How are you doing? So sorry for your loss 😢

Did you get questioned by the police on your return? Sorry for your loss xx

What an incredible thing to do for a loved one.

Knowing what you know now, do you think it’s something you’d ever consider for yourself?

Would your mum have ended her life later if she had the opportunity to do it here in the UK?

Amazing thing to do. Interested in reading your responses.

Thank you for posting this OP, it's a difficult subject.

Can I ask what was the process of joining/travelling to Dignitas, was it a long and complex process? What sort of evidence of illness or health was required (if any)? Finally, did you have any issues on returning with dealing with the UK authorities, getting a death certificate etc?

How lovely you could be there with your Mum to support her. I don't know when/if it will ever be an option here but I would be in favour of it, with some safeguards of course.

Thank you...she was an amazing independent woman who was diagnosed with motor neurone disease and couldn't contemplate the thought of being dependent on others (although none of us would have minded for a millisecond, of course).

My thoughts about it all now are quite conflicted. I felt honoured to share this with her, so proud of her courage, gutted and angry that this wasn't an option open to her in the UK as I think we would have had her for a little longer, and sad as I desperately miss her humour, wisdom and kindness.

Would you do the same in her position, and has your view changed one way or the other?

Atreus you and your mother were supremely brave.

Wow...really touched by all your comments and interest, thank you. I'm on my phone so apologies if responses are slow. I'll start at the top and work my way down.

Have you been questioned? A relative did this recently and the police are now involved

I think you are a good DD
Even when I was a child I was pro euthanasia ( I lost a debate at school !)

She was lucky to have you

I haven't got a question, but wanted to express my sympathy to you. My father died from MND. It's a horrible, cruel disease and it was dreadful watching him suffer

🌻 for you Atreus

I wish this could be debated within the UK.

No questions, just sending you incredible amounts of love

Chinam - it was very quick, 5 months between being diagnosed and travelling to Switzerland. As soon as I found out she was ill, I knew it was very likely she would choose this route, but I never imagined it would happen so quickly.

Stopfucking/overthehedge- you're right, you do have to be a member. She joined upon receiving her diagnosis. The prospect of travelling to Switzerland was the most stressful element for her, far more so than any of the other preparations and I felt caused her to go earlier than she really needed to. She was terrified she would be too ill to travel and so this option would denied to her.

Ginger - She was an incredibly warm but very private person and didn't want to make a fuss so only myself and my husband and her partner knew up until about a month before. It came as a real shock to the extended family but they all understood. Her partner loved and supported her decision but wanted to care for her throughout her illness. It was very difficult for him but he respected her decision.

was it peaceful? watched one on tv and the man looked like he was choking

MrsG841 - she asked me to be there with her but I would have chosen to do this anyway.

Titsywoo - re Police I was not living in the UK at the time, but we were very aware of the law and so my mum was very careful to ensure she was the one paying for everything, booking the flight ticket etc so no one else could be perceived to have encouraged or coerced her

Justbecause/Jenijena - re would I consider this myself. Apart from all the other worries about my mum, this, selfishly, was one of my biggest fears. I'd always said to myself I would think about this option if faced with something similar and I was terrified it would be so awful that this would no longer be an option. As it turned out, I would definitely consider this route.

I watched my nan suffer with MND. It was 18 months from diagnosis to passing away and every single day was heartbreaking. My mum is currently going through the process of being diagnosed with the same thing and we’ve often spoken about end of life. Was it expensive? What was the total cost, membership/flights etc included?

ThatEscalated - re the process. This may be a long answer as it is very complex and thorough (just as you would hope it would be). The process is split into a number of parts. First you have to become a member, many people do this and never take it any further. Then if you have a life limiting illness you can take this to the next stage and apply for a 'green light'. This means your case has been considered and meets the requirements for an assisted suicide (I hate that term). This requires a huge amount of documentation - medical and dental records, birth and marriage certificates, personal statements explaining why you wish to end your life etc.

Once you have been given the green light you have a number of different options. 1) do nothing; 2) travel to Switzerland to see a doctor who will confirm your eligibility and then return home and come back to Dignitas at a later time point (or not); or 3) book a one way ticket then on two consecutive days see a Swiss doctor who interviews you in depth to determine you are of sound mind and the decision is entirely yours and then you go to the clinic on the third day. Option 3 was the one my mum chose.