Is it written about your secret fantasies?
Not secret, I was very much into BDSM at the time but it went a LOT further than my personal experiences.
How did you find a publisher?
I posted an excerpt on a BDSM forum and a publisher contacted me. It needed a lot of editing (several thousand commas!) but the story remained as written.
Is it written in your own name?
No, my name is very unusual so would have outed me instantly.
Do your family and friends know?
Friends yes, family, no ;)