I'm married to a functioning alcoholic.

[TiffanyDoggettSmile]

We have two children. He works full time and doesn't live at the pub. He'll consume about 8 cans of Stella on an average evening. Ask away.

Does he just drink at home?

Yes as far as I'm aware. He makes a point of not drinking at work and I k ow he'd never drink drive. If we're out he'll drink.

How do you allow yourself to stay with a man who is harming your children?

Is he drunk after 8cans?

Do you accept his drinking at this level? Will you continue to accept it do you think? My DH was in a similar situation and stopped drinking entirely. It saved our marriage.

What's his behaviour like if he drinks outside the home?

Is he an amicable drunk?

It's my biggest guilt. I try to shield them from it but I know that's not enough. My youngest is newborn so has no idea but my 5 yr old has ASD and is honest that he doesn't like Daddy.

Me too. It's awful. I left him 4 months ago. He's still drinking - liver and pancreas problems, now diabetes. It's all "genetic' according to him - nothing to do with alcohol consumption for the last 40 years.

Has anyone ever cut him off and went no contact because of it? What effect would this have??

Why do you stay

My dh drinks about the same but not every night, it's a constant worry but he just doesnt think it's an issue, does your dh a knowledge he has a problem?

Do you think there's any chance your husband might not be neurotypical?

I only ask because of the heritability of ASD conditions and the likelihood of undiagnosed adults to self medicate.

Does he ever stop for periods of time? Have you stoped drinking (on the basis that one parent needs to be the sober one)?
What is he like the next day when it comes to family outings and doing stuff with the kids?
Have you been to Al-anon and were they any help?

So many questions...sorry.

He is sleepy and forgetful but not loud or obnoxious after the usual 8. If we're out (rarely) he drink much more and is an embarrassment.

Has his drinking got progressively worse? Is he a happy drunk or a mean drunk? Does he fall around the place and that kind of thing?

Do you go to Al-Anon? I'd imagine not with a newborn!

@AfterSchoolWorry absolutely. I do not think he's NT and he freely admits he's self medicating but doesn't know what for.

Why don't you think you deserved better?

99% time he's a amicable but bloody annoying drunk. He has a rarely seen nasty streak and a temper.

How long have you been with him?

@wingle
The next day is where it hurts most. I'd kill for a lie in but it doesn't happen. He has to be in a separate room because I co sleep.
He's bad tempered and no use in the morning. Nothing OTT or sinester but enough to have me passive aggressively muttering into my breakfast.

@wingle a long time. We have been together since late teens and now early thirties.

@Apileofballyhoo he sways and falls about the place. He's a melancholic drunk who wants cuddles and reassurance when I just want to slap him!!

Were/Are his parents drinkers?

@yousignup he'll kill himself. I think it's desperately selfish and it hurts on many levels. I think we're in the same boat.

Been there done that ,it's a horrible life for your children and for you.