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AMA
Original poster

I live in a commune ... AMA

96 replies

NoCatsOnTheTable · 07/07/2018 23:49

We prefer the term "intentional community" though Smile

DP and I share a large rambling ruin house with 10 other adults and 6 children in total. We all have our own bedrooms and families have their own living room too but there is also a shared living room, office space, 4 bathrooms, 2 kitchens (1 meat 1 veggie!) and a sort of utility room in one of the outbuildings with washing machines etc.

I've got 3 children (14, 8, and 5) - the youngest two have lived here their whole lives.

Everyone I meet always has loads of questions (no, no we don't practise free love) so go on, AMA....

(I'm going to bed but will be back in the morning!)

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCatsOnTheTable · 05/06/2019 22:57

Not giving exact rent figures here but it's pegged to the level of housing benefit paid locally which we use as a guide to affordable rent. The whole idea is to offer secure housing to people who aren't wealthy - they deserve security as much as anyone else. So there's no profit involved, we pay the mortgage and cover running costs and ongoing building work. If we started running at a significant surplus we would either reduce everyone's rent, or perhaps invest the surplus in another cooperative that was just starting out. We were lucky to have bought a house when property was cheaper and also in a fairly undesirable area - but people in expensive cities also deserve housing security and we would like to be able to support them to take control of their own housing when we've finished paying for our house.

I suggest looking at Radical Routes for info on setting up a housing or workers co-op. We aren't a Radical Routes co-op ourselves, but they are a great source of info and support.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCatsOnTheTable · 05/06/2019 23:01

No individual owns the house.

It's owned by the co-operative. We are all members of the co-operative, so we all have a say in how it's run and a responsibility towards the management. We are legally a housing association but one that is entirely owned and managed by itstenants.

But if I wanted to move out, I would give up my share, because I would be giving up my tenancy and thus my membership of the co-operative. There is no way for an individual to cash in on their share, or to take profit from the co-operative.

OP posts:
Hazardtired · 05/06/2019 23:01

I'm soooo interested in this!

Hypothetical - if I lived there with my other half who is chronically ill and I'm his full time carer could there be a vote that we don't have to physically contribute as much? Ie no cleaning? Also could we (hypothetically) bring the dog?

DP could contribute wisdom instead of practical stuff and I'm tired so will just try to be less tired lol.

Hypothetically this could be divine. (Though I can also imagine it's hellish)

PhossyJaw · 05/06/2019 23:08

What is the closest you’ve come to moving out, OP? How much land do you have? And what did you have to do to convince the other members that you were the right person to move in?

Oh, and the house sounds enormous — what was it before the commune started up?

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 05/06/2019 23:13

@NoCatsOnTheTable I live in a housing co op too, hiya! Also not a Radical Routes one, but urban and not as communal as yours.

Aurignacian · 05/06/2019 23:15

What do you see as the main benefits of living this way? Apart from financial

Tingface · 05/06/2019 23:16

What’s the best thing about it, and what’s the worst thing?

Original poster
NoCatsOnTheTable · 05/06/2019 23:30

It was a farm for about 300 years, then it was semi derelict for a while - the people we bought it from lived in just a couple of rooms and ignored the rest.

Closest I've come to leaving was probably when I considered going back to live in about 2 years ago after a really shit winter of mud and doom. But then spring happened and I stayed after all Grin

Best thing? The space, and the feeling of safety and security and knowing it's My Home until I choose to leave.

Worst thing? Other peoples washing up standards. And mud. I hate mud.

OP posts:
Jonette · 05/06/2019 23:36

It's not really a commune is it - more of a cheap rental agreement? A lot of nationalities live like this when they move to England. You'll have 3 families in a house for e.g.

Given your precarious childhood, it must be reassuring.

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 05/06/2019 23:42

I'm place marking as this is amazing to read. Sounds like a really nice place OP.

ElizaPancakes · 05/06/2019 23:57

I absolutely love the idea of this. Thanks for answering the questions.

ElizaPancakes · 05/06/2019 23:59

If you and DP have your own bedrooms, do all your DC have their own too?

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip · 05/06/2019 23:59

Totally place marking too - I love the ad hoc cooking you do for each other

ReanimatedSGB · 06/06/2019 01:34

It wouldn't work for me and DS but I can see it as having a lot of merit - your specific set up seems to allow a good enough balance of privacy and togetherness.
It also sounds like it's been established long enough to make it pretty unlikely that a predator of any kind would be able to move in: I think most of the communal arrangements that have predator trouble are the ones that were started by predators.

managedmis · 06/06/2019 01:48

Sounds incredible.

Have you ever had an affairs going on? So and so's Mrs sleeping with Mr. Whoever?

What meals do you cook for such a crowd? I know you said you're doing a roast for 9: how many potatoes, carrots etc?

It certainly makes a lot of sense in many ways to live like this

CircleofWillis · 06/06/2019 04:35

How many bedrooms do you have altogether? Do your children have their own rooms?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/06/2019 05:45

Sounds amazing!

MRex · 06/06/2019 06:28

How do you deal with problems as a group? E.g. If someone's regularly being too noisy.

Original poster
NoCatsOnTheTable · 06/06/2019 07:24

We have bedrooms in double figures. My teenager has their own bedroom and my youngest two share (they're both the same sex).

Roast for 9 people - a 2.5kg bag of spuds, a 1kg bag of carrots, the rest of the veg and the but roast I would just do by eye! I have been cooking for crowds for so long it's second nature now and the DC all take the piss out of me because I always cook stupid amounts of pasta when it's just us eating Blush

If someone was being for eg too noisy then whoever it was bothering would have a responsibility to say something to them. If they felt unable to say anything (unusual but not unheard of) then they would bring it to a meeting which we have weekly, or if they felt it was urgent they could call an emergency meeting. We have a conflict management policy with the steps to take written down for if two people can't just find a way to resolve their differences.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCatsOnTheTable · 06/06/2019 07:34

Nobody is perfect though. We still remember GateGate (as it's now known some years on) when 2 members had an almighty humdinger of a row over the garden gate, and then didn't speak for about 3 months obviously neither was me

The biggest conflict we ever had was over someone's boyfriend who everyone else thought was a prick and who ended up being told not to visit again (he used to get drunk and be aggressive and rude, didn't pick up his dog's poo, brought his equally arsey friends round regularly without asking if it was ok etc etc). She moved out to live with him shortly afterwards. It was a really horrible couple of months Sad

OP posts:
Mumbaikar · 06/06/2019 15:55

What does your oldest child think of the commune? Does he get any problems at school from it?

Thanks for the AMA

opinionminion · 06/06/2019 19:18

Place marking

xSharonNeedlesx · 06/06/2019 19:33

How does the food situation work? Do you all buy your own? Do you label everything that’s yours? Do you have to cook for everyone or is it voluntary?

Purplemond · 07/06/2019 20:33

Is everyone who lives there a family or couple or do you get single people ?
Not including DC what is the age range ?

Myusernameismud · 07/06/2019 20:44

OP this is genuinely my dream. My best friend and I have always said we'd love to do it, but we'd both have a hard time convincing our husband's now. We've even picked out the commune we like, about an hours drive from my house. No questions really, just that I'm deadly envious.

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