I home educate my children, ama

[househelppl]

I haven’t been keeping up with with AMA threads (though I read a few and thought they were interesting) so apologies if this one has already been done.
But if it hasn’t, and you have any questions about home education, ask away!

I think perhaps its not HE itself that tends to make HEing parents so zealot about it, and more the fact that for many it is a positive solution to difficult issues, so you feel like finally the roadblocks to your child's education are removed. Certainly that's the way it was for us.

Its not an easy option, and personally I would caution anyone considering it to tread very carefully, but it can be a great option.

French2019 how do we measure progress? With great difficulty. There isn't really anyway to say this without sounding like i'm not so stealth boasting, but I'm not.

We HE DS because he's very gifted academically. We're not in the UK, and here the LEA couldn't educate him - their choice after trying to. DS tried school for a few months, and we tried a different, non English language school at the LEA's suggestion to try to challenge him more - he did speak the language I should add! He became more and more unhappy as he was bored. The child psychologist said he was becoming depressed, our lovely sunny, happy go lucky, eternally cheerful little boy was retreating into himself. At that point the LEA said they couldn't educate him , and so began our HE.

He has come on in leaps and bounds, and his progress seems to snowball. We have criteria we measure his progress by but its specific to him, as it needs to be. DS is once again cheerful and happy, he loves HE as he says he doesn't get bored and he feels there are no limits to the pace at which he can learn.

How do we measure progress? In short, we don't.
I have a very, very relaxed outlook on this. My kids can all read, write and count. They are all very, very bright and pick things up exceptionally quickly. I don't feel the need to monitor progress, there is time enough for that when they go to college, imo. In saying that, when Ds2 and 3 went to college, they were far and away the most advanced people in their classes, to the extent that DS2's course director actually thought that someone else had done the work in his portfolio for him!

I'm happy enough just to let them do their own thing and trust them to get on with it when needs be. BUT, I have been home edding for a long, long time. I wasn't quite so relaxed at the very beginning, that came with realising that learning doesn't depend on a school like structure or curriculum but that everything is a learning opportunity and that kids don't have to make life defining decisions at 14.

that came with realising that learning doesn't depend on a school like structure or curriculum but that everything is a learning opportunity and that kids don't have to make life defining decisions at 14.

Gosh that’s so lovely. I wish I had the kind of mental commitment you people do. I worry all the time about school making DS lose his love of learning. If I took over though I’d be so scared of ruining everything else (and possibly that too). I also couldn’t face doing lesson plans when they’re in bed after a whole day of teaching. And you don’t get paid for it! In fact you give up additional income. I don’t now how you’re not all totally exhausted and incredibly stressed.

Flirty girl, home help and other home edders, do you worry the government will close the loophole

By home edding my daughter reckons she’s saved the country thousands
She had to fill in a huge report last week
She’s worried

Dowser I would say that I save the LA thousands by home educating - I certainly know how much it would cost as a bare minimum based on statements/EHCP for them to attend school. The LA is no longer paying that as I am home educating them.

I do worry that the government will try to push all children that are home educating into school, however, from a realistic standpoint.... they simply can't afford to do that.

1- they don't have enough mainstream school places as it is.
2- many children that home educate have SEN, and if they went back into school, there would be an astronomical increase in requests for EHCPs.
3- they don't have enough places in specialised schools
4- the schools don't have enough money to provide support as it is - with a massive influx of more children with SEN, the schools would never manage
5- the demand on mental health services for children would skyrocket
6-it would only highlight how the new testing they are implementing is detrimental to children with SEN
7-it would likely affect class sizes, staffing problems and so on.

Of course, as Gove and his ilk have happily demonstrated, they don't use common sense, and I worry the government will bollocks it all up because they don't think about these things. The government's education policies are an ongoing study in "put the cart before the horse."

The plain truth is that there are already laws and means in place to check on children that are being home educated. The whole "they are invisible" is nonsense, and the idea that they don't socialise is ridiculous. My children are far from invisible and socialise regularly at a level that is appropriate for their disabilities (in other words, they don't have to cope with forced socialisation with a large group of children for 6-7 hours a day - they socialise on their terms and in groups that make them feel comfortable and allow them to gain confidence in their socialisation skills).

Do any of you find particularly as a child gets older that they are only study subjects they like/are good at/ have an interest in. How for example do you cover/deal witha maths hating 14 year old or a none sporty child that would rather do anything other than sport/exercise.

Well, my dcs are only preteens (and not quite into those tricky teenage years), but so far when they've not been keen on something we've gone one of a few routes:
1- made a deal (they need to learn negotiating skills, so win-win ). One thing of my choice and one thing of theirs. You've not lived until you've bargained a discussion on dental hygiene for an equal discussion on snot (yes, I have boys).
2- Find an angle of the subject that interests them.
3- Skip it and come back to it later after doing something else.
Generally that's all it takes for us.

That being said, my dcs both know that maths and reading are not negotiable, so they don't argue with those anyway. They may ask to move it to another part of the day, but that's it.

I don't think the government have any desire to force all kids into school. It would be of no benefit to them. I think they just want to know what kids are where.

I'm.fully on the fence when it comes to registration, but can understand both sides.

How will lists of home educated children protect them from abuse?

Exactly. Many children that are abused are in full time school.

I don't think the government have any desire to force all kids into school. It would be of no benefit to them. I think they just want to know what kids are where.

Some in government have voiced opinions that they want home ed children registered, following NC, and doing all the tests that schooled children do. That's one step away from being at school. You don't think that will follow? Some countries do not allow home ed. The fact that it would be of no benefit to them is irrelevant. The government does LOADS of things that are of no benefit, things that are actually detrimental to people and the country... and yet...

I just wanted to add my thoughts as an ex home educator. Everyone who contributes to home ed threads always has these brilliant success stories. Although it is great for many children, I didn't find that it was best option for mine. Had a go when mine were 9 and 6. My 6 year old returned to school after a few months as she felt school was more fun than my brand of HE. I did it with 9 year old DS until he went back to school at 12 in time to start Secondary school.

I did it mainly as I felt that DS was lacking in confidence which I thought was due to the school environment knocking it out of him. I thought I could do a better job. Turns out I couldn't! If I had my time over again I wouldn't have selected HE for him. He did struggle socially as the local pool of children who are doing HE is fairly small compared to school. If you don't find a kindred spirit then it's not like there are lots of other people to choose from. I know people talk about sourcing friends in after school clubs/ groups. You may be lucky to find that this happens. We personally didn't.

I also found HE very expensive. My earning power was reduced at the same time as having the extra costs to go to groups. The exciting stuff does often have a price tag. Even if each individual activity isn't that much, collectively the cost adds up. Not to mention the huge cost of transport getting child to said activities. Running a car and petrol isn't cheap.

I'm not trying to put a downer on HE at all as I believe that it is definitely best for some children. I do think that it isn't always as positive as people make out.

For what it's worth, we have had contact with our LA, and they've gotten a yearly update on the things the dcs have had opportunities to do. We do this because they have SEN and EHCPs, so they get an annual review. We have always had very positive feedback on our home education reviews from the LA.

The problem I have with the government in the area of home ed is much the same as I see from the government in the area of disabilities. They set out policy without regard to how it actually affects those people involved. If they do ask for info from the group, they seem to ignore it when they put their policy together.

The rules and regs around HE are different in Scotland, education is a devolved area. The Scottish government doesn't have any interest, I don't think, in forcing all kids into school. It's not financially viable, really. And local authority involvement varies from council to council. I have been home ending for many years and have absolutely no contact with the council since I requested permission to withdraw my children from school.
Originally, I submitted an educational philosophy statement for each child and each year one of the kids has applied for EMA I submit another one. That is as far as our involvement with the LA goes and that's how I like it, tbh. We had such a horrendous time with them when DC were in school, that I can't cope with them at all.

As for subjects they don't like. Unless it's maths or English, do something else. Things don't have to be completely structured and there is more than one way to skin a cat. After a certain age, even maths and English become optional at school anyway. Home ed allows kids to explore the world and to learn at their own pace and to learn things when they are good and ready. That's one of the best things about it.

Home ed allows kids to explore the world and to learn at their own pace and to learn things when they are good and ready. That's one of the best things about it.

This. Absolutely.

I genuinely don't think the government give us all that much thought tbh. We are a tiny minority and pretty inconsequential.

Hi, it's the op here
Sorry for the very long delay! We went away somewhere with very patchy wifi, intending to answer the questions when we returned and I completely forgot .
Had a quick look through and saw that other home ed parents have replied too which is fab, always great to have lots of insights and no two home ed families are the same. So please don't feel like youre hijacking and post away!
Off to read back through the questions.

What was the reason you decided to do this ?
There were lots of reasons really. I was helping out at their school and the things I witnessed made me question the school setting. I'm not blaming the teachers at all, I'm really not. Most of them were absolutely fantastic. But they were always stressed and struggling and honestly, who could blame them? I would be too in their shoes. Bigger classes, less staff, smaller budgets, more paperwork. I've seen teachers cry because they felt they failed children and I've known a number of teachers leave the profession utterly exhausted and feeling like total failures - they weren't, they were in a tough, tough role.
I'm not saying that all schools are like this and I've heard that schools who have a good management team are able to cope with things a little better. But the above was true of our local schools.
I also have friends who are teachers in other schools and report the same things and my goodness, some of the stories they've told me about things that go on in the classroom and playground.. Drugs, bullying, sexual assaults.. I'm by no means an overprotective parent but I just didn't want my dc growing up in that environment. Already I was hearing about some worrying things from them and I wanted to take them out before it got too far.
Two of my teacher friends actually left the profession to home educate their own children btw which I found quite telling!
My dc didn't particularly like school either and always seemed exhausted and miserable. It seemed like their personalities were being eroded more and more as each day went by in favour of conformity. Again, not blaming the schools because if you have thirty children then you cant encourage all their interests. But as we were discovering more and more about home education and liking what we heard and being in a position to offer this to our children... it seemed like a no brainer.
My little astronomer can stay up late to watch a meteor shower, they can learn Japanese and Finnish and visit these countries and learn everything about their culture. They can learn to sew and make their own clothes. My eldest can learn about tax and mortgages and budgeting...
It's just one way of doing 'parenting' that we liked and the kids liked and we all decided to embrace.

Do you ever get any upsetting or hurtful comments made regarding this choice ?

Only from one person, a family member. They are very narrow minded in general so I don't take offence and take it with a pinch of salt. What does annoy me though is that often their unkind comments are aimed at the dc which isn't very nice for them. they are very articulate and able to defend our lifestyle, although really the younger ones especially shouldn't have to. I wish they'd just stick to criticising me, if they have to criticize anyone, and leave the dc out of it.
Mostly though people are really positive. Vets have invited the children to help examine the pets, a fireman invited us to arrange a group trip to the station. Shop keepers and members of the public sometimes ask why the children are out and about during the day, (although less so now I find, as home ed becomes more known and common) and they're often interested to chat about home ed - some people don't know it exists. Never had a member of the public say anything negative.
My family and friends can all see the massive positives and have nothing but praise for how the children are progressing. Even my old-fashioned and traditional grandparents who I thought might not be keen have such lovely things to say.
interestingly the only other person who has been negative about our choice is the second LA bod we encountered, who came to our home and listed all the reasons why home ed was crap and school was great, which was a little odd. But then, as I mentioned in the post above, she has a dual role within the council and her other role is truant officer so I guess it must be difficult for her to navigate the two totally opposing roles.

Do you work? If so how do you manage your childcare needs?

(I plan to home ed and this worries me slightly! I'm currently a childminder and happy to take he kids but I don't know many who are and I'm retraining!)

Hi Queen, hope this thread is useful for you if you're planning to home ed. I do work and I'm really fortunate in that my job is flexible, as is my dh's so we're able to juggle childcare between us. Before this job I worked from home as a tutor so again was able to juggle things around the dc. I know three home ed mums who are child minders. They all say that they don't get a lot of home ed mindees, occasionally they will on an ad hoc basis, but mostly they have babies and toddlers. They seem to be juggling things fine. The thing with home ed is that education doesn't have to take place between 9-3 so you could do things with own your children in the evenings and weekends for example and I'm sure you could work things into your day with the mindees as well.
Most of the home ed parents I know do work either in flexible jobs where they're able to share childcare with the other parent or they work from home. There are a group of single home ed parents who share babysitting duties between them. I've found that there is a real community spirit within the home ed family' and people are often willing to help others out.

Drugs, bullying, sexual assaults.. I'm by no means an overprotective parent but I just didn't want my dc growing up in that environment.

Do you ever worry that when your kids leave home they will encounter the above and not be able to deal with it?

As far as I can see, maybe 4 types of HE exist

1) The educated parent, often an ex-teacher, who believe from the start they can educate their child better, so child doesn't enter the school system
2) The parent who would prefer to use the school system, but the school system doesn't suit the child, e.g. bullying, anxiety, SpLD etc
3) The ultra-religious who doesn't want their child influenced by others
4) The 'feckless' who can't be bothered to get their child to school so claims to HE instead whilst doing little.

Would you agree? And which type are you?

Ooh that's interesting. There are a lot of different types of home ed families (the same as there are a lot of different types of families whose dc go to school).
I think I would probably fit into both category one and two as I am educated and do feel that I can do a better job than a school but this is only because we experienced school and found this to be the case. I guess that if school had been great for the children then we wouldn't be here.
Unfortunately we are seeing more and more number 2s - where the school is failing the child because of bullying, additional needs etc. There aren't the resources and there isn't the time to deal with these issues appropriately in class. It's really sad that there are families who didn't actually want to be home educating their child, but have been pushed into making the decision by the school. I'm also seeing more home educating families whose children have had to miss school through illness - asthma etc. and they're fed up of unsympathetic staff, letters threatening fines and children missing out on certificates, school trips etc through no fault of their own.

I have met some religious home ed families, they don't make up a massive proportion but they are there. I wouldn't say that they don't want their children influenced by others as they still mix with other families at groups, activities etc. It's more that they would like to tailor a religious curriculum to their children because there are no suitable religious schools in the area. E.g. where we live we have no decent Catholic or Muslim schools so there are home ed families teaching their children through a Catholic/Muslim curriculum. People might disagree with this but it isn't any different to attending a Catholic or Muslim school, of which there are many throughout the country.

I honestly have never, ever met a number 4. Having your child at home all day takes waaaay more energy than getting them to school on time! I can't imagine a parent keeping their child home because they're too feckless to get them to school.

Sorry, i know this one isn't in order but I just saw this one just posted by titchy and felt it was an important one to reply to straight away.

Drugs, bullying, sexual assaults.. I'm by no means an overprotective parent but I just didn't want my dc growing up in that environment.

Do you ever worry that when your kids leave home they will encounter the above and not be able to deal with it?

Well no, because when my kids leave home they won't be children. An adult dealing with one of these things is totally different to a child dealing with it. We have the maturity, understanding and resilience to help us navigate these things as adults. A sexual assault on an adult who knows it's wrong, knows it wasn't their fault and knows who to report it to is bad enough.. on a child who doesn't know if what her classmates did was 'that bad', wonders if she caused it somehow, isn't sure who, if anyone to tell. Is teased and bullied about it by her classmates. That is catastrophic and life changing.

Do you feel you offer your child(ren) the equivalent of a traditional education?
Hi hurricane, yes I do. We study all the subjects they study at school as well as extra on top.

Will your child be actually able to pass their GCSEs and do you think they will resent you later on?
My eldest already has GCSEs. I hope they won't resent me later on. I really don't think they will as they always have input into this, they tell me they love being home educated and if any of them wanted desperately to go back to school then I would allow them to.

Some of pressure-points about school that many home educators (that I know) dislike - assessments, SATs, bad behaviour from other students, structured timetables - are mirrored in the world of work. Do you think your children will be able to make that transition to a much more formal setting easily, and what do you do to prepare them for it?
I don't think the bad behaviour aspect is mirrored in the world of work really. I can't imagine my colleagues behaving the way I've seen some children act in the classroom. They'd be sacked! There is, as an adult in the workplace, an expectation of conduct and it's in employees' interests to adhere to this or they'll find themselves jobless!
As for assessments, I guess you are assessed to some extent in the workplace but not in the way children are subjected to tests at school. Children as young as six being pressured to regurgitate information for exams resulting in stress and anxiety.. the teachers might think the little ones don't realise they're being tested but they 100% do. As an adult we are able to cope with that kind of pressure, a six year old not so much.
As for a strict timetable, every home educating family I know sticks to a timetable, otherwise our lives would be complete chaos! Especially someone with more than one child. You have to be at certain places at certain times doing certain things, you have to be organised and punctual.