I’m your husband/partner. Ask me anything.

[SimonBridges]

You might have questions like ‘why do you actually walk past the dishwasher and put dirty stuff on the side?’ Or ‘why do you need to spend 20 minutes having a shit before emptying the bin?’

Do you honestly, genuinely not mind when we can’t have sex for a few weeks due to my health issues? I know you say it’s fine and that you don’t mind and you want me to be not in pain more than you want sex, I know you masturbate (which I’m totally fine with), but given your high sex drive and how much we used to do it, do you actually truly not mind?

Why does 5 drinks turn you into the Oracle of all knowledge?

Why do you shout at the football on TV?

@Buzzlightyearsbumchin 😂😂 Crying! So true!

Is this a wind up?

How could you possibly answer for all mankind?

Could you answer why for centuries men have seen themselves as superior?

Or why my Dad does no housework?

Or why Weinstein/Cosby (insert male abuser) did those things?

Bit of a silly thing to ask?

I couldn’t answer for all women

What do you honestly do in the toilet/shower for forty odd mins whilst I'm trying to get the kids ready for school

Why are you behaving like such a shitbasket right now?

I shout at the football because what those men do is VERY IMPORTANT and me shouting helps get it right.

Will you make me a cup of tea, please?

Why does 5 drinks turn you into the Oracle of all knowledge?

I am a man and therefore know all the things much better than any woman, even if she has a degree in the thing and all I know is what Dave down the pub said.

What do you honestly do in the toilet/shower for forty odd mins whilst I'm trying to get the kids ready for school

Avoiding dealing with my family/ wanking/ important man stuff you wouldn’t understand.

Will you make me a cup of tea, please?

Didn’t I make you one last week?

Is a Sunday snooze compulsory?

Why do you sneeze so fucking loud!

I am a man and therefore know all the things much better than any woman, even if she has a degree in the thing and all I know is what Dave down the pub said.

Thank you, once again I bow to your superior wisdom.

Is a Sunday snooze compulsory?

Completely. That way I can avoid dealing with my children/avoid the ironing or other housework/have a crafty wank.

Why do you sneeze so fucking loud!

Because you might forget that I am an important man if I don’t make a noise every so often.

See also farting.

Why have you never replenished a toilet roll?

Why are you behaving like such a shitbasket right now?

Because of man things.

Why is it so difficult for you to actually apologise, even when you know you’ve acted unreasonably?

Even the kids have noticed this!

Why have you never replenished a toilet roll?

Why would I need to? It always seems to do itself. Just like the stuff that gets put in the dishwasher when I put it on the side.
I’m guessing fairies or house elves.

Why is it so difficult for you to actually apologise, even when you know you’ve acted unreasonably?
Because then I would have to admit I was wrong.

WHY cant you clean the fucking toilet bowl???

I shout at the football because what those men do is VERY IMPORTANT and me shouting helps get it right.

I see. It all makes sense now.

WHY cant you clean the fucking toilet bowl???

Just like with the toilet roll why should I bother when it is clearly going to do itself.

Granted it stopped after I moved out from my mother’s house and then started again after I got married but that was just a glitch.