My formerly estranged brother has transitioned and wants back in mine and my mother’s lives.

So the dress and make up haven't made him less of a shit then?

Oh dear, how could he possibly bear to live a lie like that and conceal his authentic self. He must have been gutted.

So the situation is: "my father has just died, my mother is grieving him and is in a bit of a bad way as a result. I know what! Why don't I make everything all about ME ME ME!!!!! That's sure to cheer her up."

I think "we didn't speak outside of the barest minimum" is your best course of action in future too. And protect your children.

Look up grey rock. If you have to engage with him focus on discussing neutral topics, the weather, local events, the cost of milk etc.

You describe them as callous and then write that lovely callous quote in bold.

It sounds like you are cut from the same cloth. So it's probably best to stay out each other's lives.

This may sound harsh but I think you are hugely in the wrong, as far as the trans issue, and it's not much of a stretch to guess that's why your sister felt the need to back off from the family in the first place. I suggest you step back from your very rigid and unknowledgeable position and reconsider it. The fact is, unless you are a doctor or other expert in a related field (or have even taken any fair stab at studying the issue) your opinion, by definition, is based on ignorance. Your tone seems a bit self-satisfied too, so you may want to step back on all that pride and take a deeper look at where that's coming from.

From what you've said, you seem to be digging your heels in based on a gut reaction and societal prejudice only, as if it was something more solid than only that, which it is, again by definition, not.

There always has been and always will be a few unfortunate souls among us whose appearance does not match their gender identity, for various reasons. Some are born with mixed sex organs, which is not always noticeable on casual observation. For example, someone who presents as male could actually also have ovaries. Other people's XY (male/female) chromosomes do not match their outer gender appearance. Still other people's gender in their mind does not match their gender appearance. That one is more tricky but it's unfair and unintelligent to take a stance on it without know anything about it, aside from whatever happens to be in your mind about it and whatever prejudice you've absorbed from society.

At this point, I think your sister should keep a distance from you, frankly. It's hard enough whenever you are unfortunate enough to not be able to fit in with society's prejudices in a major way, without your supposed nearest and dearest judging and dismissing you, announcing what they will and will not tolerate and labelling you "ridiculous," without even trying to learn anything about something so very central and crucial to that other person. This is most obviously shown by the very high suicide rates transpeople have. Shame on you. Do better.

This is most obviously shown by the very high suicide rates transpeople have. Shame on you. Do better.

The claim about suicide rates is incorrect as Chase Strangio had to admit in the US Supreme Court.

https://www.city-journal.org/article/aclu-attorney-confesses-transgender-suicide-claim-is-a-myth

@Rimding going to post here what I've posted before, because I notice the twist-everything-to-attack-the-OP termites are crawling out of the woodwork

Just a word about Mumsnet - there are a proportion of posters who will deliberately try to be contrary in order to put the boot in. There are, in fact, some men who deliberately try to be downright nasty in order to make Mumsnet a place where people feel unable to post.
It's worth weighing the useful posts (which can include robust talking, but doesn't include deliberately misunderstanding or nasty posts) and just ignore the rest. On top of the deliberately unpleasant people, there are also many who pass comment on situations they've never been in and think 'oh this is how I'd handle it' without having the experience or insight to realise that actually being in a situation is often different from how you think it'll be.

You aren't the loathsome so-called doctor Helen Webberley by any chance?

My siblings are NC with me. They all still have plenty of time with my mum, I hear about in in phone calls as and when .it doesn’t mean I am involved in anyway.

our estrangement is not going to change anytime soon and it certainly wouldn’t change if one of my siblings transitioned. That would have absolutely nothing to do with why we are estranged.

hoe long has your estrangement been OP. And what were those reasons? Unless that has altered significantly don’t change anything.

Since you responded to my post, I see that you read it. Since your response is to want to argue, and a weak argument that's far from the main issue at that, I see that it's not sitting well.

That's good, getting uncomfortable is often the first step to possibly questioning yourself and possibly accepting a wake-up call.

What you do doesn't affect me anyway, though, dear, it affects you and your family. Good luck to you.

You would be better off posting in the stately homes thread OP as I mentioned before for advice about estrangement and what to do if they suddenly want con tact.

We seem to have cross-posted. As I said, what you do with my intelligent and true advice doesn't affect me and your anger is not my concern, either. Best wishes.

Thank you.

Absolutely this.

Hi op he doesn’t sound like he’s changed his personality tbh. Why not say to your mum if she wants a relationship then go for it but you will have to learn to trust him again after all his past behaviour. If he thought much of your mum surely he would have told her first. He might have an agenda so keep your guard up and eyes wide open with your mum. If that was me trying to make amends I would have told her first then you then other relatives.