AIBU to ask friends for support during severe health flare-ups?

I'm not normally so brutal but I find it all a bit pathetic really.

I sort of understand your fundamental want (to feel seen/cared for) but I don't think it's something you can request. It either happens organically or not at all, and yes it's shit if that means not at all . I have friends that I've popped round to give practical support for and ended up giving them a hug and listening while they rant but it would seem really odd to me if they requested it. I can't quite put my finger on why though which isn't particularly helpful. I've gone through a cancer diagnosis and treatment this year, and while my husband absolutely is one of the good supportive ones I knew that underneath he was really scared so I deliberately didn't lean on him as much as I wanted to. What I did find really helpful was online support groups. I still talk to two or three people on there regularly because they get it in a much more visceral way because they've been through it themselves.

But those are different and often permanent scenarios (ie keeping company to a dying person).

A flare up, however painful, will come and go (happy to be corrected but if it was life threatening you’d be in a medical setting). If your family is already doing childcare and home keeping, what else can they do really?

I mostly wanted to be alone but there were times I was really scared and wanted someone there. I clearly remember one day when I felt like my stomach would burst or I would die. That’s not me being dramatic, I’ve had cauda equina and broken multiple bones and nothing compared to the endo pain. My broken bones were a 4/10, endo was making me pass out with pain

it ended up being an ambulance day and having someone there would have helped

I've endometrosis too so I understand the pain and agony but I find your post bizarre.

Yes, it's a shit conditions but I can't see how you can't take your medication and water yourself.

I've cried it with before but like silent tears. I know we are all different but can't understand the audiable crying at all.

I would ask again about chemical menopause - Decapeptyl injections. I had it in my 20s and didn't have children. They can't stop you especially given you have children. It helped.

Lying on my stomach on a cold hard floor (strange as it sounds) does far more for me than lying in bed and know it's the same for others.

I also lived alone for 6 years at one stage and managed fine, granted no kids to look after.

There's absolutely nothing any friend, partner or family member could do for me during a flare up. Nothing.

I don't think this is solely about endo, I think there's an more to it,have you considered depression or codepency?

I think i see what you're saying now... you don't have 'your person'. I'm a single mum so occasionally I feel the same way... like I don't have 'my person' who gives me a hug after a shit day at work, or someone who will bring me a cup of tea when I'm sick (I can of course get my own tea, but it's the thought and effort of someone else doing it for you that makes you feel a little bit more loved).

The vast majority of the time though, I'm very proud of how strong and independent I am. I absolutely love that I can rely on myself, and I can do it with confidence.
So it sounds like you need to work on getting to that place too.
As a PP said, you can't manufacture that person, it has to happen organically, which it hasn't for you, so without sounding cringey, you need to woman up and take charge of looking after your own life.
If you need that emotional support in the meantime, I think the suggestion of endo support groups are a good one, as they will know exactly what you're going through.

And lastly, I admit I don't know much about endo, but pain to the point of yelling and crying loud enough for the neighbours to hear does not sound acceptable to me. I would be going back to the doctor to seek advice about stronger pain meds, or some other solution.

If i received this message i'd take a massive step back and i do a lot practicall as welll as emotionally for my friends. I don't get why you need to be soothed, told to rest and take your meds, as a grown up adult? It's really weird, needy and ott behaviour.

Are you ND? The last few points about you can't see why people would feel like that make me wonder if you view things in a completely different way.

Anyway, it is very confusing as you mention partner/husband but then being separated so I think this is what is confusing part of the issue. You need a clear divide. He is your soon to be ex husband. He is not going to care or comfort you regardless of what you did for you in the past and you need to accept that his role is purely based around your shared child.

Do you actually have close friendships with those extended family and friends you wanted to ask for help? As if they haven't already offered and they are aware of your condition then they aren't suddenly going to step up because you text them.

I am also confused about whether you work or not. As others have said do you get any benefits and does this need to be reassessed for you to have a carer?

Are social services involved in any way? You mention 'partner' being an addict and a disabled child. What about the child's school? Are they aware of your needs and can they offer help to you as a family in any way?

I don't think you will get what you are looking for I'm afraid as that comes from close bonds. Maybe your parents are now at a point of life where they just can't give that any more and practical help is all they have left to give.

There’s a world of difference between sitting with someone in end of life palliative care and what you’re asking though. I say this is someone who experiences pain regularly with my own medical conditions.

I've been through years of therapists

Another thing that makes me think you're hard work, sorry.

How many years and how many therapists?

What exactly are you looking for with these therapists?

And i also think it either happens or it doesn't until my therapist said I need to create it for myself!

Do yourself a favour and dump the therapists!

Do you think your therapist meant self care?

I think what they meant was to do this for yourself, as in meet your own needs

Ok Ive read the whole thread
Im not a therapist / counsellor but it seems to me that you had a toxic childhood and have unmet needs which you are chasing now which presents as seeking attention inappropriately and behaving inappropriately via rescueing others
Sorry if this is harsh but friends are not there to be parented or be your parent in return

Except that you parents don't seem to embrace this culture. Are you sure it exists?

You get lots of support from your parents but you're dismissing it as not the tight kind of support.

It sounds codependent, and that's toxic.

I went through some messages but not all. Sorry you are going through this OP I can't pretend I understand. But, by this time, you should have found ways to cope by yourself. You know what works for you and what doesn't. You know or shoild know how is the most comfortable way to go through a flare up and let the pain do it's thing and then go away. I don't quite understand how someone being there 30 minutes with you and "taking charge" would help you in the long run. How many times can someone remind you to take your medicines or drink water in 30 minutes? If you are in pain andnyou know the pain you go through, surely is up to you to take your medicine to stop or minimise the pain. You know your body best. What happens when they go, you remain helpless? This is frankly infantilising yourself. You need to help yourself and research coping mechanisms. If you need to write it down, set up alarms on your phone, have a warm bath. Go into a dark room, take your medicines in time. Get a kettle next to you on the bedside table and tea bags if they help you, don't wait for others to be available to make it for you. I say you need to be more proactive and planning for yourself, living with a debilitating condition will make people feel sorry for you but soon the sorry dries up if you expect others to cater to you but you don't help yourself.