AIBU to ask friends for support during severe health flare-ups?

This really does sound childlike. When you are well can you work on building resilience?

I think it's fine to ask friends for specific practical help but this is a very unspecified request.

I'm not joking with this, have you considered using AI? If what you are looking for is mainly emotional support, someone who sounds like they care for you and can remind you to take your painkillers you could easily train AI to do that for you. That will remove any concern you have about being a burden on others or them getting sick of you.

Think initial posters missed that you're sending this to your extended family, which is more reasonable than sending it to friends.

I think in an ideal world, it is fine. With the current state of our me, me, me society, you might struggle. Everyone is in the same boat. Everyone is struggling for time and self-care but I think if you're very specific that no one would be called on more than once every two or three months, and for only half an hour on one day etc. then you may get more responses.

I am with another poster though. It's sad being ill but you are a grown up and can definitely set reminders to take your own medicine. It sounds more like you want a better partner. I'd focus my energy on finding one.

I might be way off the mark here..

1. You need help with practical things - very understandable. Ask your friends about helping with specific tasks. If you are in too much pain to move, then fetching your meds etc is reasonable for example.

1. You want to feel cared for/soothed. Also understandable, but not your friends' role on a regular basis. Of course it's a bonus to have someone who can do this, but at the same time adults should be able to care for themselves in this sense. Is there anything that calms and soothes you which you can do yourself whilst in pain? Prayer, meditation, breathing exercises, music? The greatest pain I've ever been in is childbirth, and breathing deeply and steadily and getting into a sort of 'headspace' was hugely helpful. I appreciate that childbirth only lasts a few hours though, and you haven't said how long your pain lasts so this might not be helpful.

1. It's also relevant how often these episodes happen. I would add that to your message so people know roughly. There's a big difference between annually and weekly!

OP I think you might benefit from an endo support group (if there is such a thing). You need people who suffer the same condition and know what it’s like. I think being heard would give you a much needed boost.

Have you had surgery, a mirena, medical menopause?

The first sentence says family members but the title and subsequent sentences refer to friends.

Have you joined an online endo support group? Could that be a good shout to get some peer support?

If you know what improves things (painkillers and water) can't you just get some yourself?
Why does someone need to come round?

Even if she did, the waiting list is huge
I spent 18 months regularly having to ring 999 for pain relief because I couldn’t get off the floor. Morphine doesn’t touch it. It’s like being in labour only with no offer of an epidural or any idea when it ends

I too have a chronic health condition, crap parents but unlike you a fab husband (my first was appalling)

You are definitely asking too much here - you sound as if you desperately want someone to look after you and that's just not something you can really expect from anyone but a parent or partner.

But I think it's telling that you would do this for your friends and your own parents - and so that's the part you maybe need to change. It feels like you are saying "I look after everyone else, why can't someone look after me"

So maybe stop doing the rather exhausting work of constantly evaluating what you could do for others to make them feel looked after and give some of that energy to looking after and caring for yourself. I have no idea what the specific issues of your illness are, but for example I prioritise my daily swim over almost everything else in my life, because it has such a beneficial effect for my joint pain. Is there something like that that you can do for self care, that would maybe stop you feeling so uncared for?

Op. I am a very giving person and hope to be a good friend.

I almost always have someone else's child here for food/play and give lifts all the time. I frequently have additional dogs about the place to help friends out. I am really happy to do a pharmacy pick up or sort shopping etc.

I would not however respond well to be asked to come and take charge of a friend and to parent them with simple daily tasks like taking meds and drinking. That would shift the dial on the friendship and is an altogether more intimate arrangement. It would also take me away from my work/family/life and be an ask of me emotionally. This is very much for your parents/partner or a paid professional carer. Not friends/neighbours etc like shopping and lifts would be.

When a friend of mine had cancer we started a WhatsApp group for chatting, keeping friend up to date on our news and offering general practical support. Could you maybe approach your friends/family and ask if they would be open to something similar. Then you can ask for practical things like picking up meds or some groceries without putting the spotlight on one person, and even ask for someone to pop round and keep you company for an hour. I remember one of the things I missed when living alone and being ill was just having someone who could make me a cup of tea.
Sending you a big hug op

If you want to scare all your friends off go ahead.

If you were my friend I'd be happy to help out. Not active a carer! You're lucky to have a partner and parents. You need to speak to them about helping more when your ill.

That was my first thought too. I don't mind helping out with practical things or being a listening ear, but this takes things into carers territory and that's not the right dynamic for a friendship.

Telling people that you will text them so that they can tell you to take your meds, tell you that everything will be OK etc. also seems a bit unneccessary, it's kind of like forced care. Keep your friends and friends, but leave them out of the physical caring sphere.

This is what I was thinking.

OP your friends might well have really busy lives themselves and dont have capacity to come and eg. Sooth you.

Im currently recovering from yet more surgery. I knew I needed help getting my youngest to/from school and getting kids to evening/weekend classes. I needed shopping collected (click and collect). A friend was able to take the dog. I had to forward prep and kids need to be on A game - topping up water, making own packed lunches etc. We would have pre-pepared meals, micro meals, delivered food. I tried to rely on friends as little as possible
(No family) as I didnt want to ask too much of one/two people. My kids learned to cook, do laundry and the recycling this recovery time. (4 major surgeries in 6 years). Its awful having chronic health, its awful not having family support and having to ask friends - but try to sort as much yourself and be specific with what you need people to do so that it runs smoothly.

I think you can ask for specific things you need, like could some one pop for the shops for me, or is there anyone who could have DC for a couple of hours, but that message would, I'm afraid, make me think you're a bit of a drama queen.

If your parents are cleaning and doing childcare, what more do you think they should be doing?