How do I accept my mum cannot offer more support?

What a disgusting and cruel post. You have obviously had an empathy by-pass to write such mean things to and about OP.

OP just wants a mum that would give just a tiny shit about her and any children she might have. She's certainly not fantasising about have a Disney mum.

You are my least favourite kind of poster, the sort that seems to relish kicking the OP when they are down. Your final sentence about OP not being the daughter that her mum would have wanted is particularly awful. I can't imagine the mind-set of someone that would write that and then post it.

You aren't going to get it from her and please don't hurt yourself trying. Pick a husband with a nice mum, and be very clear to her you want and need her involved.
If you're already married, start talking to your MIL. Find out how much she'll be involved, you might be pleasantly surprised. If not, an aunt? Friend?
Remember, many women don't have the schmaltzy bond with their mum as a perfect grandmother when they give birth, and we don't need it. We just have to make the best of what we have-please don't let this woman hurt you again. Pushing out a baby doesn't make you a mum, and there's lots like her.

The OP's sister, father and MIL all live in a different country/abroad.

OP, you can make some connections in mother-baby groups/NCR group but please don't rely on it. Some groups are better than others. Some mums more forthcoming.

Is your partner completely onboard? That is the crux as he'll be secondary caregiver and your main source of support in the first two months.
Sleep deprivation wall usually hits around 6 weeks, harder if ebf.

You need to take your folic acid now if TTC.
Book onto an NCT group when pregnant.
There's also an adopt a granny scheme but that isn't practical support for you and the baby. It's more a half hour zoom call you do to stop the person in the care home feeling lonely. That said, they could give practical advice and it may stop you feeling the loss.
"Adopt a Grandparent - Care England" www.careengland.org.uk/adopt-a-grandparent/

You might also get help from Home start or Family Action.
But please again, think carefully, no rush.
If there is any weakness in your relationship at all, don't do this yet. It cannot be undone.
Even the strongest of relationships can fracture with the stress of it all.
Finally, autism has a genetic component so do be aware of that too.
Huge hugs
Xx

I get you. My parents were hands off. I don't think I really knew any different till I was older. It was when you went to other people's houses you realised how little input they had! My dad worked a lot and did virtually nothing to help. My mum was essentially a single working mum with a very high level of Job. All the home stuff fell on her and tbh I think she was just so exhausted. My dad just thought his role was to make money. But there was no one there for us and we always felt like a burden if we went to them with problems.

now I have kids of my own and they do try a bit. But its never going to be that wholesome image you think grandparents are meant to be. They will quite happily come to visit and watch tv and read the paper - not interacting with the kids. I don't get it but at the same time I sort of accept it. I've sort of learnt to accept them and know what to expect. For example my mum is not going to be the one who watches a baby when I'm out or does hands on childcare. But she is good at practical things like- ahe set up premium bonds for them for example and she helped me choose a buggy. Also I have to say i can see now as a mum how exhausted she must've been growing up and how my dads lack of help must have impacted her. So I can see why she was probably burnt out. So there is that alongside the natural way she is.

so yabu. It is sad that you feel that you were not your mum's priority. That's a tough pill to swallow. But save yourself further anguish and don't expect her to change. Accept what she can do. Even if that's just buying clothes!

Your not entitled at all it’s so sad what your feeling!
but if she couldn’t nurture you when you where a little girl, or forming teen years don’t let her take your head space any longer she doesn’t deserve it.
your about to be a mum and can do all the things for your baby that you really needed in your mum.
my mum passed away before I had my children but she would have been wonderful, every day I try my best to be half the mum she was to me for my little ones

I think we all, deep down, want our mum, it’s very normal. I feel for you, @floofsss but many of us simply don’t have the mother we’d have preferred. It’s incredibly difficult to accept that your mum basically didn’t want you: did you tackle abandonment issues in therapy as effectively this is what she did? I have severe mum envy when I see my aunt with her dc. She was fortunately in my life throughout my childhood. My mum thinks she gave us the same upbringing but is delusional was mostly disinterested/absent/prioritised alcohol.

You say you plan on having a child, but is this really what you want? Without being mean, do you want to ‘show’ your mum what a good parent looks like?