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Original poster

AIBU to think there may be dangers in this?

111 replies

allthingsinmoderation · 23/07/2026 18:25

To think there are dangers in this?
My son aged 20 yrs just asked my opinion and his sisters aged 23 yrs opinion of this issue, opinions appreciated.
My son is on an online dating app, he has recently come out of a long term relationship of 2 yrs and wanted more casual encounters . Hes honest about that.
He generally is attracted to slightly older women so didnt give a very young age bracket. He matched with a woman aged 42 yrs . They messaged a bit and seemed to get on ,then arranged to meet. She then said she was married and her husband agreed to an open marriage. Thats when things got a bit unusual. She said her husband had selected my sons profile for her and that she wanted to meet at her home for sex and it would be videod and later her husband would like to sit in and watch.
My son is not keen and wonders if there are dangers in this.
My DD says he should run for the hills as this video will end up on only fans or hell be blackmailed...
Is she right?

OP posts:
nomas · 24/07/2026 18:52

He generally is attracted to slightly older women so didnt give a very young age bracket. He matched with a woman aged 42 yrs . They messaged a bit and seemed to get on ,then arranged to meet. She then said she was married and her husband agreed to an open marriage. Thats when things got a bit unusual. She said her husband had selected my sons profile for her and that she wanted to meet at her home for sex and it would be videod and later her husband would like to sit in and watch.

There is something very icky about how this is all written.

FreddysFingers · 24/07/2026 19:37

Tell him not to go, that husband could start anything with him and he could get seriously hurt. Better safe than sorry.

IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 24/07/2026 19:58

I don't know about the dangers; I'm still trying to wrap my head around a man asking his mother and sister whether he should be filmed having sex with a married woman twice his age while her husband watched?

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 24/07/2026 19:58

I don't know about the dangers; I'm still trying to wrap my head around a man asking his mother and sister whether he should be filmed having sex with a married woman twice his age while her husband watched?

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

OP posts:
parachutegirl · 25/07/2026 08:05

Jesus Christ, I can’t believe you’re even asking this question.

”Should my son go and take part in a sex tape that could be all over the internet?”

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 08:08

parachutegirl · 25/07/2026 08:05

Jesus Christ, I can’t believe you’re even asking this question.

”Should my son go and take part in a sex tape that could be all over the internet?”

That isnt what i was asking....

OP posts:
OnlyOneAdda · 25/07/2026 08:34

I think this happening so early on is quite a good thing in so much that it presents an opportunity for him to think through and discuss the potential dangers (and great he can do that with you and his sis, I don’t think that’s weird). All of those things and many others could still have happened without them sharing it over message first (in fact them messaging about it first makes them less dangerous than other matches ironically). Online dating / hook ups are the norm now but they do still come with a lot of dangers and so setting some boundaries and thinking through in advance is sensible - first meet somewhere public and neutral, some questions to ask (face to face where can get a read on the person), letting somewhere know where you are and who meeting, etc.

ChalkOutlines · 25/07/2026 08:37

allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

Show quote history

If he can’t see the dangers himself and he had to his sister and his mother, he’s not mature enough for internet hookups, or sex in general.

OtterlyAstounding · 25/07/2026 08:39

Well, I doubt they're going to lock him in the basement or murder him, so no, there are no serious dangers to this very real, totally genuine situation. If your son, who absolutely exists, is not initially put off by the idea of a middle-aged man wanking over him banging the man's wife, and is only worried about the dangers, then he should go for it as long as his face isn't visible in the video, and he gets a copy.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 09:24

ChalkOutlines · 25/07/2026 08:37

If he can’t see the dangers himself and he had to his sister and his mother, he’s not mature enough for internet hookups, or sex in general.

Show quote history

He did see dangers, he wanted the opinions of people he trusted.
I don't think asking for the opinions of people you trust means you are not mature ...

OP posts:
IHaveQuestionsLotsOfQuestions · 25/07/2026 11:17

allthingsinmoderation · 25/07/2026 07:11

People are different,some ask the opinions of those they trust ,others prefer not to .
He didnt ask wether he should do this or not,he asked if we thought there were dangers in this .
We said yes ,on multiple levels and we discussed those dangers.
He made his own decision about this matter.

Show quote history

Yes, people certainly are different.

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